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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed with my SIL for sharing photos of my children?

91 replies

Fairy130389 · 30/07/2013 00:37

SIL and DH don't get on due to some pretty hideous incidents on her part. I try to be civil and reasonably friendly with her as I want my children to have relationship with their cousin, and as she lives in Scotland and us south we bumble along ok

We were quite firm about not posting pics of children on fb and she used to post pics of eldes on fb without clearing it with us first. We explained that we weren't comfortable with that...

Anyway, we have since relaxed a bit about it but both have very tight privacy controls. I put pic on fb today of children.

Just logged on to see that she has 'shared' the picture with those on her account! Without asking! So now in theory all of her friends who we don't know can see them, their friends can see them etc etc. I also think it is not ok to do something like this without asking permission... Aibu??

OP posts:
mummymeister · 30/07/2013 00:41

if you don't want people/anyone to share any of your photos then don't post them on facebook - ever. you have absolutely no control over this unless you un friend her which would be not tactful in the circumstances. if you want to share photos with friends only then find another way - e mail them directly. it doesnt matter a rats what your privacy settings are. If you put something out in the public domain ie on facebook then it will be shared. end of.

Original poster
Fairy130389 · 30/07/2013 00:42

Yes I see your point, but, we have spoken to her about stuff like this before

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 30/07/2013 00:47

This really winds me up

So much hand wringing and pearl clutching over a few (I assume) non naked photos of children.

Personally, I don't put pics of my kids on the internet because I remember the embarrassment I felt as a child, when my parents would get out the family album when relatives came to visit.

However, you are choosing to override your kids right not to have their pics splashed across the world wide web.

So how can you get arsey about it? Confused

mummymeister · 30/07/2013 00:49

So what fairy. you have spoken to her. she doesnt respect you and your request for privacy. you knew she wouldn't at some point because of the issues with your DH. just unfriend her and be done with it or start seeing facebook for what it really is - a giant public noticeboard which you are fooled into thinking that you have some control of when you don't. don't put anything on facebook that you aren't prepared to stick on a poster and drive around your town with it on a large hoarding. You may have guessed - I bloody hate facebook but more than that I hate the con that people believe that somehow there are actually "privacy" settings on it. If you have something that you don't want the world to see don't post it on facebook.

maternitart · 30/07/2013 00:50

I think YABU. You shared the picture first. If you're really that concerned, have you lectured told all of your fb friends what they can and can't do on fb?

Original poster
Fairy130389 · 30/07/2013 00:50

I'm not hand wringy and pearl clutchy. I'm pissed off because we have had conversations in the past and asked her not to post photos on HER fb and then she shared them without asking this time.

Maybe I'm more annoyed than I would normally be because she is an absolute prick

OP posts:
tittytittyhanghang · 30/07/2013 00:51

YABU. Once its on the net it is effectively out of your hands. Why dont you want her sharing pics of her nephew/niece?

I find people like you so odd, its ok for you to share photos on the internet for other people to look at but nobody else can. So what if you have spoken to her? If someone asked me to do something i thought was perfectly acceptable, and then they did it but still expected me not to, they would be disappointed.

Xihha · 30/07/2013 00:51

I don't think you are being unreasonable, I have a fairly complicated relationship with my eldest brother and although we are close now I wouldn't share photos of my niece without asking as I genuinely don't know if he would be ok with it or not and I don't know his fiancée well enough to know if she would be ok with it either.

Original poster
Fairy130389 · 30/07/2013 00:51

Mummy I think you definitely have a point re the fb

OP posts:
DaleyBump · 30/07/2013 00:54

Do you know that Facebook reserves the right to use anything you post however they like? Your privacy settings don't actually mean all that much, if Facebook decided to use your photo for anything at all, they could.

AnnabelleLee · 30/07/2013 00:57

you don;t have very tight privacy. If you did, no-one on her feed would be able to see your pictures, they would get a "you don't have permission to see" message instead of a picture.

WorraLiberty · 30/07/2013 00:58

Look. You removed your child's right to privacy the minute you decided to put your child's photo on display to what can obviously end up as the ENTIRE world.

Now if you think your child (for whatever reason) shouldn't be displayed on the internet...set an example and stop displaying your child on the internet for the whole world to possibly see.

Alternatively, take a chill pill and realise that she/he is just one of many millions of kids on the internet.

AnnabelleLee · 30/07/2013 00:59

I really sick of people like meister above complaining that the security is crap when really they just don't know how to use it. I use FB, you couldn't find me, my pictures, or anything else about me if you tried for a month.

Mammagaga · 30/07/2013 01:00

I thought if you have your privacy set properly then only your friends can see the photo...! Maybe you need to recheck your own privacy settings...!

Original poster
Fairy130389 · 30/07/2013 01:03

Just rechecked them and turns out I'm an idiot Blush

I still maintain though that after being asked again and again not to post stuff she should respect that

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 30/07/2013 01:12

Yes but who is respecting your child's right not to have their photos splashed across the world wide web?

certainly not you or your DH.

If you get the hump about other people putting the pic around, why do you not consider your child might get the hump in years to come?

tittytittyhanghang · 30/07/2013 01:14

But why should she 'respect' that? She obviously thinks its acceptable to share photos and considering that you too think its acceptable to share photos you are being a tad hypocritical.

If i think someone is being unreasonable (and hypocritical to boot) then frankly im not going to comply with their requests out of respect.

MrsMongoose · 30/07/2013 01:21

Sharing isn't adding your own photos. The photo she shared was approved by you OP! If you have a problem with sharing, Facebook isn't the social network for you.

WafflyVersatile · 30/07/2013 01:51

I have posted and shared pic a of my DNS on fb. I only let certain friends see them.

The pics belong to Facebook now and any of your friends could share them.

Why not hide them from her from now on?

Or you know cut her out. Your children don't need a relationship with her. You've asked her not to. She still has and apparently she's awful anyway.

mynewpassion · 30/07/2013 04:12

Don't be a hypocrite. You either share or don't on FB. You shared and you opened the doors.

SuperiorCat · 30/07/2013 04:23

I've never understood this. Just what is so bad about posting a pic of a child on fb? Am I being stupid or naive?

HeySoulSister · 30/07/2013 06:22

These same friends of hers could see your child walk down the street anytime..... What are you do scared if?? To them it's just a random pic of some random kid

It's just an excuse to have a go at sil

Tubemole1 · 30/07/2013 06:49

Why put a photo on Fb, a public website, if u don't want it shared? Why not put the photos on Flicker and change the privacy settings to Friends and Family only,or just print off limited copies and hand them out?

YABU.

saintmerryweather · 30/07/2013 06:56

what exactly do you think your SILs friends are going to do with a picture of some random kids? what are you afraid of?

personally i couldnt care less about pics of other peoples kids and tend to skim over them on facebook, im friends with that person not their kids

FondantNancy · 30/07/2013 07:20

Agree with Worra. If you were really that concerned you wouldn't have put the picture on FB in the first place.

We don't have a single picture of our DC on FB. Not because of the privacy issues but because we don't want them to have the choice about what goes online.

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