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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed with my SIL for sharing photos of my children?

91 replies

Fairy130389 · 30/07/2013 00:37

SIL and DH don't get on due to some pretty hideous incidents on her part. I try to be civil and reasonably friendly with her as I want my children to have relationship with their cousin, and as she lives in Scotland and us south we bumble along ok

We were quite firm about not posting pics of children on fb and she used to post pics of eldes on fb without clearing it with us first. We explained that we weren't comfortable with that...

Anyway, we have since relaxed a bit about it but both have very tight privacy controls. I put pic on fb today of children.

Just logged on to see that she has 'shared' the picture with those on her account! Without asking! So now in theory all of her friends who we don't know can see them, their friends can see them etc etc. I also think it is not ok to do something like this without asking permission... Aibu??

OP posts:

SuperiorCat · 30/07/2013 08:51

arethere I asked this earlier.

The only response was curlew who said it steals their souls, so it must be true

Branleuse · 30/07/2013 08:54

if the privacy of the picture is set to your friends only, then im not sure that anyone else except your mutual friends will see it, even if she does share it

minibmw2010 · 30/07/2013 08:55

I expect she thought that once you'd posted a picture that it was OK to do the same.

Dackyduddles · 30/07/2013 08:56

Why can your sil not be proud of her niece and keen or happy in what she's doing and show her friends?

She is using fb like millions of people in a 'look isn't she clever/pretty/amazing' kinda way and you are bitching and whining.

Sil may be a prize cow for all I know but she plainly likes your daughter. Be glad of that at least.

Joanne279 · 30/07/2013 08:56

Hmmm...I'm on the fence here.

I agree if you didn't want it shared maybe you shouldn't have posted it on Facebook, but, I get the feeling SIL may have done it purposely because she was asked not to and being a bit spiteful.

Or, if she hasn't had a photo in a while, she may have just been proud to show off her niece/nephew.

I'd either remove her, not post on Facebook, or put her in a 'restricted' group that has no access to your photos.

Hth

sweetestcup · 30/07/2013 09:06

Love these threads, usually get the anti fb brigade out in force! My fb is full of photos of my kids, amongst other stuff and so far nothing dreadful happened to them yet, really don't understand this almost mass hysteria at times about this. OP obviously you have problems with your SIL that is a completely separate issue to fb. What exactly is your worry here about strangers, who will not be interested in photos of random strange kids anyway, seeing a photograph of your kids? Apart from her not doing what you wanted her to do of course.

Original poster

Fairy130389 · 30/07/2013 09:41

evie I won't go in to too much detail about the relationship breakdown, except that it culminated in her calling my then 6 year old a 'fucking cunt'. To her face, and then proceeding to tell her that she was a bastard. My SIL is 41.

That was not even the worst of the incidents.

OP posts:

Branleuse · 30/07/2013 09:43

why on earth do you have her on your facebook list then?

Original poster

Fairy130389 · 30/07/2013 09:44

And to be fair, I think you all make good points. To be completely honest, it was always dh with the biggest probs about pics online, I don't feel as strongly but I do feel strongly that even if I thought someone was being ridiculously hypocritical and ridiculous, and they had put up lot up posters of their children but asked me not to, I would respect that, because they were THEIR children, not mine.

OP posts:

FondantNancy · 30/07/2013 09:44

arethere and edendance - I explained my reluctance to put my DC's pictures up earlier in the thread.

FondantNancy · 30/07/2013 09:46

And the thing is, FB and social networks are very new. We have no idea how this information will be used later on, it's still a big experiment. I work in social media and am amazed at how much info people are willing to volunteer, to me it seems crazy.

Original poster

Fairy130389 · 30/07/2013 09:48

Honestly? Because a) I think she is probably quite unwell,
And b) I try to keep things reasonably civil as there will inevitably be family events in which our paths will cross at some stage. She also has a 3 year old who is the only cousin my children will have as I am an only child. Fb has been a fairly good long arm way of keeping in minimal contact. Until now

OP posts:

Edendance · 30/07/2013 09:50

You just said that you hadn't wanted to put any up but then relaxed your opinions on it, you didn't really say why you had any concerns on it at all...

FondantNancy · 30/07/2013 09:51

Eden are you referring to me or the OP?

lindsey077 · 30/07/2013 09:52

Waaaasessezeeee

thebody · 30/07/2013 09:53

don't really understand this op.

EagleRiderDirk · 30/07/2013 09:54

Eden in my case I post photos on Facebook for certain friends and family to see, but not publicly. I took issue with my sister sharing them because she is just friends with anyone, posts stuff publicly, etc. when our point is to share with a limited audience. I have a twitter account and the ability to post publicly on Facebook if I wanted to. A limited Facebook post isn't the same as putting a photo on an open forum. I put my photos up for certain people I want to see them, I don't need my mental ex or xmil involved for example (quite why they stalk me is a whole other question).

EuphemiaLennox · 30/07/2013 09:57

YABU to be on Facebook.

YABU to be 'friends' on fb with a women who calls children cunts.

These are your choices. Poor ones IMO.

Make better choices and your current 'photo problem' would disappear.

justanuthermanicmumsday · 30/07/2013 09:57

I agree with mummymeister i detest the idea of Facebook hence i never signed up. I don't understand this rubbish abut status and followers and friends. They're not real friends most are virtual so why does it matter how many so called imaginary friends you have, why waste time telling them about our mundane life.I think its a competition for egos nothing more. Also there is something creepy with sharing photos with strangers. Why not take out your personal diary and albums for strangers on the bus or train its effectively the same thing to me.

Rant aside you posted the pic and shared it with her right? So you need to take responsibility. Like others have said dont put anything on the Internet that you wish to keep private, privacy settings are a con.

sadly Paedos get off on looking at kids i wouldn't post, I'd email to family or picture message off phone. But would i email to a family member like your SIL no its clear she doesn't care about asking for permission before posting it to the world.

Pagwatch · 30/07/2013 10:00

Hahaha at 'why waste your time on virtual relationships' from people posting on a chat board

justanuthermanicmumsday · 30/07/2013 10:01

i think people feel pressured to join Facebook and twitter. If you're not on Facebook you're not following the latest fad you're not cool. I don't believe ppl sign up just to share pictures with family and friends whats wrong with email for heavens sake?

JRmumma · 30/07/2013 10:01

For me, the problem is that as soon as you post something online, you lose all control over it. You, the parent might be comfortable with that, and if you are then fine. But if not then don't post anything. I don't use fb for anything serious and would never post anything about someone else, kids or otherwise.

Pagwatch · 30/07/2013 10:03

FB, cool?

justanuthermanicmumsday · 30/07/2013 10:04

I've not got long standing virtual relationships on mumsnet. in fact i, here in short bursts. then off for a few months. In fact i would call it a mumsnet community or acquaintances. I wouldn't share pictures here. I wouldn't share all the intimate details of my life just for the sake of it.

I've noticed a lot of ppl post for advice or to share parenting tips labour tips. It's laughable to compare it to twitter and facebook

justanuthermanicmumsday · 30/07/2013 10:04

Lol@pag

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