To hate the term full time mum

[Dylanlovesbaez]

I hate it! Just because I have to go to work does not mean I stop being mum on those days! I am a full time mum and a part time worker.

I think the phrase ' full time mum' is meaningless but it's also irritating when working parents of preschoolers say ' I do everything a sahp does and work ft'. Unless they've cloned themselves, work opposing shifts with their partner or never sleep they actually don't.

And that's the point of my posts - it is ridiculous to say we become part time parents because our children go to school / preschool, or because we go to the gym three times a week, or because we work evenings when our husbands get home to take over, or because we work full time. We are all full time mums all of the time, whether we're with our children or not. It shows the meaninglessness of the phrase.

I'm comfortable with my choice to work outside the home and I don't like this term. It's a term that IS used to put people down. Bugger that.
I will be a parent, god willing, for the rest of my life. If you choose not to work that's fine, that's up to you. Just don't insinuate you're a better parent than I am because of that.

When people say it to me, I just say 'oh me too, I am a full time mum to three and also work part time at blah blah. Makes life busy, but that's how I like it'. Normally this moves the conversation on to another topic lol.

I give up. LadyLech you clearly said that parents with school age children are not full time parents.

At the school where I work, if a parent doesn't do paid work its filed as "home duties". Which sort of covers it I suppose. But it's probably a bit weird as a response when people ask what you do!

YANBU. I'm a stay at home mum to two preschoolers and hate "full time mum" also. It implies that mothers who work are only part time mums or something.

Stay away, read my other posts in context of the first one:

"As others have said, I hate the term "full time mum" because it is utterly meaningless. All mums are full time mums, because you never stop being a mum.

However, some people use it to mean 'I care for my children full time'. However, if this is what they mean, then do they accept the logical consequences of that? This would mean that the overwhelming majority of parents stop being full time parents / become part time parents once their children go to preschool at age 2/3 or school at 4/5.

I work part time, school hours term time only. My children have less than 1 hour's childcare a week and have only once used a babysitter in 9 years! So do I get to call myself a full time mum, as I challenge anyone to tell me what they give their children that I do not! My children go to breakfast club for 15 minutes in the morning three days a week. I do all the after school clubs, the hobbies, the homework, I'm home during the holidays . in what way am I anything other than a full time mum of two school aged children? And this is why it is such a meaningless phrase."

Sorry I must have skipped over the post where you said you were so wonderful.

I'm starting to wonder why we think we have the right to two jobs per family at all.

So who should go out to work? DH or me? We both have the same schooling, degree and professional qualification.

This is just stupid.

Everyone is a full time mum. If you have children you are a mum, you don't stop being a mum just because you work or someone else is caring for your child a few hours a day.

I have three children who go to their dads at the weekend, am I a part time parent when they go as I am not doing the hands on caring? Is my ex a part time dad because he only has them at the weekends?

What about when my MIL has two of mine for the day, on that day am I not a full time mum?

It's just ridiculous.

I am a SAHM/ Carer come Sept all of mine will be in school full time, I am pretty sure I won't be a part time mum then either. Like it or not, saying you are a full time mum if you SAH is implying that those who don't are part time parents, and if that isn't what people mean then they are pretty stupid for using the term and need to think about what they are actually implying.

Stay away,

Sorry but I'm really not getting where you are coming from.

I've never said that, all I've said is that the phrase is meaningless, because

A), I think we're all mums all of the time, so we're all full time mums,

And B) even if you do care for your child 100% of the time, sooner or later, you are going to end up being away from them (whether its cause they're at pre/school, you're at the gym, or you're at work)- will this make you a part time mum? In my opinion, obviously not, which goes to show how silly the phrase is.

The point about me working, just goes to illustrate that once a child is at school, there is no difference between a parent who works, and one that does not - we're all there for our children all of the time, and many women still call themselves 'full time mums' even when they're children are at school, which again shows how silly the phrase is. The only response to that would be for me to say "well I'm a full time mum who also works part time" which in my view is just as mad because parenting is not a competition and it's not about one upmanship.

Therefore, because I think you can't be anything less than a full time mum, and the not very nice implications of using the term, the phrase in my view is meaningless.

Yonion - the men should work and the women should stay at home of course. I'm not sure why we educate the girls at all - keep them at home and teach them hospital corners!

In reality I earn twice as much as my DH and love my job(s). He does have a better pension though, so it makes sense for us both to work.

This never bothered me until a SAHM friend said I was a "part-time worker, part-time mum". This really grated on me and I told her so.

I'm not 'economically active' at the moment but what picture does that give? How would you imagine someone who gave that phrase?

I could describe myself as a magazine editor (unpaid community one) I also do care in the community again unpaid but my number one priority is my children so I say sahm. Thing is people understand sahm they also understand full time mum though I can understand some not liking it. We are very much in a situation where we need to find a pc word for mums who choose to be at home with children for what ever reason that values them without devaluing mums who work outside the home. It's not going to be easy

mums who work usually do ALL housework ,cook, washing cleaning AND work, sorry but being a stay at home mum is NOT a job, it's a choice. also when children are at school age there is no reason not to get a job apart from lazyness

laziness? Really?

Don't be silly. What would you have us called us then? Housewives? Unemployed?

Good grief, I don't do all the cooking and housework and washing (actually I don't do any of the washing). That has nothing to do with whether I am a parent or not!

Well I have just heard for every job 5 people apply and up to 45 for low level jobs. So actually people who sahm are not lazy. They are keeping the jobs for those who actually need them. I sahm with no support from the govt and I am fed up of being slated for it.
Equally I would bever call myself a full time mum. We are all full time parents.

It is hard to find an acceptable phrase to explain that you are not working because you are looking after young children.

Personally, I think SAHM is the best one as it explains the above. Full time mum sounds smug and implies that others are part time. In my experience, it is used by/of mums who have school aged children, who are not actually with the children full time and are trying to justify their role. This fits with the OP's experience, where the 'friend' leave her DD with grandparents v regularly. I have no idea why that makes her morally superior or a better mother than someone who pays for childcare (not my opinion but it seems to be hers).

The three times I have personally had it used to me were:

1. By the MIL of a SAHM with children aged 12 and 9 'she's a v busy full time mum'.
2. By the husband of a SAHM with school aged children, who went on to say that he felt that pre school children should be looked after FT by their mother. This man was a work colleague, who knew that I had pre school children.
3. By a SAHM with one 10 year old boy.

Yes. I can remember these occasion because I inwardly rolled my eyes each time.

Many SAHMs are fantastic, dedicated and hardworking but not working doesn't make you a better mother than one who does and no, teachers/ childminders are not parents, nor would they describe themselves as such.

OP- please try to stop feeling insecure about working. You are doing a v worthwhile job, which will provide a v good example to your DD as she gets older. You are also taking joint responsibility for paying the bills which is obviously vital for all of you. This woman is just unpleasant. Either ignore her or stand up for yourself; tell her you are a full time mother and a full time teacher. Don't let her make you feel bad!

I've not read the whole thread but have never liked the phrase "full time Mum" as I agree that when you're a parent, you're a parent 24 hours a day until you kick the bucket. I think the problem is there isn't a suitable alternative descriptive phrase for what we would previously have called a "housewife", "househusband" or "homemaker" as the Americans seem to say.

Homeworker, sounds a bit weird but means you work in the home and can be used for men and women. Sorted!

"What do you do?"
"Full time child care." is ok though isn't it? For people whose kids haven't started nursery or school yet?

Or. "I look after my children full time." I never used "SAHM" as I took them out a lot, so not a good description.