To hate the term full time mum

[Dylanlovesbaez]

I hate it! Just because I have to go to work does not mean I stop being mum on those days! I am a full time mum and a part time worker.

Quite simply I don't define myself as mum,full time or not
It's not the whole summation of what I do
I don't think men define themselves as fathers,fulltiime or not

I can see Fluffy's point too, but I do think she is wrong. It isn't as black and white as that. At what point exactly do you stop being a full time mum? Is it only if you use paid childcare? What if you go to work and leave your child with their other parent? What if you go to the shop for some milk and leave the child with their other parent?

I imagine Fluffy may feel differently about the term if she ever finds herself with a job outside the home.

I prefer the term economically inactive mum tbh. Something like that.

I've never defined or introduced myself as a parent
I'm yet to meet a man who defined,or introduced self as father/parent
Yet women seem to be pigenholed as muthas,as if its the zenith

I don't want to comment on Fluffy's smug post for fear I get deleted.

I am a full time mum. I also work full time. When I am at work, I am still my DD's mum.

And it is because I am her full time mother that I work full time. If I didn't we may end up in a hostel or B&B

I'm her Dad as well, but that's a whole other thread.

And yes, I am not happy with my choices, mainly because I don't actually have a choice. I work or we starve.

If somebody else is doing the caring other than a parent the parent isn't doing that role full time, they are doing something else during this time. Maybe the role of full time parent only applies to somebody who does parent 100% of the time.

You are confusing parenting with childcare. Childcare is one aspect of parenting, but it is only one part of a bigger picture. When I am out at work, I am earning money to pay for the food that my dd eats, for the roof over her head, for the fuel to keep her warm and for the various things that she needs/wants. I am therefore fulfilling my responsibilities as a parent even when I am not looking after her.

A childcare worker doesn't love my children.nor should they.parent do that
Nursery,school, maintain safety and external standards as is their responsibility
A parent, parents don't log off at end day.regardless whether working we switched on 24-7

I agree op, i don't like the term either as the term "fulltime mum" more or less states working mums are not fulltime parents-when of course they are.

I class myself as a stay at home mum

I thought "full time mum" was the new phrase to replace "housewife".

I don't feel like a full time mum because I work when my DC are at school (yes, I have a cushy term time only job ), and I have to mentally switch off from my DC, and concentrate on work. Otherwise I would start blubbing mid-morning about missing my DC.

My youngest is 8yo, FFS!

I would love to be a housewife. I would have a pretty pinny, and always change the sheets on Monday, and apply makeup just before DH arrived home, so I looked "fresh" when taking the fish pie from the oven.

Just the words full time mum sound like hard work, though. You don't get to go for a wee in peace being a full time mum, like you do at paid work.

I'd much rather be a housewife than a full time mum.

"stay at home mum" sounds easy.

Maybe I want to be a "homemaker". I would make bunting, and sponge cakes and casseroles.

As others have said, I hate the term "full time mum" because it is utterly meaningless. All mums are full time mums, because you never stop being a mum.

However, some people use it to mean 'I care for my children full time'. However, if this is what they mean, then do they accept the logical consequences of that? This would mean that the overwhelming majority of parents stop being full time parents / become part time parents once their children go to preschool at age 2/3 or school at 4/5.

I work part time, school hours term time only. My children have less than 1 hour's childcare a week and have only once used a babysitter in 9 years! So do I get to call myself a full time mum, as I challenge anyone to tell me what they give their children that I do not! My children go to breakfast club for 15 minutes in the morning three days a week. I do all the after school clubs, the hobbies, the homework, I'm home during the holidays . in what way am I anything other than a full time mum of two school aged children? And this is why it is such a meaningless phrase.

Ladylech, I think most would accept the "logical consequences" of that. If someone told me they were "a full time mum", and then that their children were 11 and 13, yes, I would be a little . Yes, "full-time mum" means you are doing full-time childcare of your own children.

The funny thing about this thread is that it is full of women declaring that they don't like the implications -for them - of how other women describe themselves - and then asserting that those women should label themselves xyz - without allowing for what those other women might think of it.

SAHM don't like that phrase because we often don't "stay at home". It sounds just as silly to us as the part-time implication of "full-time" does to you.
"What do you do?" "I don't work" sounds ridiculous (student? Disabled? Lady who lunches? What do you mean?)
"economically inactive" - are you on a very tight budget? Credit card reached its limit? What do you mean?

Perhaps if we called ourselves "child minders of our own children" (CMOOOC) everyone could be happy?

Oh Crickey......it is just an expression.....but a sahm is full time caring for her children and a mum who works full time is spending less time caring for her children as she is usually paying someone else to care for their needs. I think full time mum expresses clearly the volume of time and energy that sahm require to care full time for their kids.
Once you have two or more pre schoolers at home ll day I am in no doubt that doing that full time is more exhausting than working full time in many jobs and caring in smaller chunks of time for your kids. So it is work being a sahm and full time is just a way of describing that......you do not have to take it personally. It is just how some sahm identify themselves......and good for them if they want to emphasize how very like work being a sahm is, if your kids are with you all the time.
You can call yourself a full time mother who also works full time if you want to if that makes you feel good about your choice.

Yeah but working mother versus full time mother is also strange.......like a sahm is not working.......whatis this modern obsession with being defined by what job you do.....I do not subscribe......we work whether we are working as mums all day or going doing other often personally meaningless tasks in exchange for money....I know some do meaningful jobs but there is a lot of doing a load of old bollocks like selling stuff people do not really need, in exchange for money.
I mean it is all work to me whether you get paid or not.
You can work looking after your child or you can work doing something else and use some of your money to pay someone else to look after your child....they will be working too when they do tht, hence why you pay them. They would not do it for free. Parenting is one of those unusual forms of work where we mainly do it for no financial payment when it is our own kids.......but it becomes paid work usually when it is someone else's child. So a child,index is working full time child minding but a sahm is not working full time at mothering..? Now that makes no sense....of course a sahm with children at home is a full time mother in terms of the quantity of care she provides day in day out. What is the problem....pretty logical. Wen I return to work when my kids starts school I will no longer call myself a full time mother, I will be a full time worker and mother simultaneously. Clearly being a mother is not something that is time qualified.....it is a state of being....but caring practically for the children you are a mother to can be time quantified it he same way a job can be.

Simplest answer to the comment "I am a full-time mum" is "Me too! Isn't it great!"

PitPony - when your children start school will you become a part time parent?

I know that I often joke that I work to get away from the children, but the reality is that I have a very demanding job and still have to do all thing that stay at home parents do (homework, cooking, ironing, clubs, trips, appointments etc) - yes, my husband helps out too, but must SAHMs have partners that help as well. Working is not the easy option some of you are trying to make out - I had a fantastic time on mat leave and a lovely tidy house to go with it.

Having said all that, unless I receive a huge windfall I would rather work than not.

The trouble is new yonker, is that people who have school aged children do describe themselves as full time parents, when clearly they're not. Although, I hear it most from mothers of preschoolers whose children go to pre school 12 or 15 hours a week.

I also know women who have used this phrase despite putting their child into the crèche three times a week whilst she is at the gym, or another woman who put her child into nursery one day a week so it can be 'socialised' (or she can have time to do other times). Surely these are not 'full time' mums are they? They use more childcare than I do! Yet, I hear women describe themselves in this way, which only shows how meaningless the phrase is.

Wow! I'm amazed at some of the responses and found some quite hard to read. I'm shocked that quite a few people seem to hold the same opinion of bitchy mum, I work so therefore I'm a part time parent! Trying hard not to care but knowing how judged I am without knowing much about me is frightening. I know I would probably be judged if I didn't work but I don't think I'd have the sickening guilt if it was the other way around.

Ladylech, that's exactly what I'm experiencing. They have constant childcare at the drop of a hat and time to themselves yet describe themselves as full time mum and me as part time!

LadyLech - you are talking utter rubbish - we are all full time parents. I do not stop being a parent when I leave the house to go to work.

Stayaway, read my very first post. That is my very first sentence of my very first post.

Ah, yes, the gym creche. So often used so often from so early by mothers who describe themselves as 'full time mothers' and like to spout nonsense about nurseries and orphanages.

I've admitted that I don't feel fully comfortable with my 'choice' to be a working mum but why do so many assume that others are not comfortable with their choice and that's the only reason they dislike the term? So many assumptions. As said previously, there was no 'choice' for me, it was the only way we could afford to pay the bills.

Actually it is my second sentence

I was basing it on this...

"The trouble is new yonker, is that people who have school aged children do describe themselves as full time parents, when clearly they're not."

Maybe I should have said that I do not stop being a parent when I drop my children at school.