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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to drive DP's family and friends back and forth to Heathrow?

66 replies

nicecupofteaandbiscuit · 24/07/2013 08:30

We are getting married in a couple of weeks. DP's friends and family live abroad and are flying into Heathrow. This is the schedule:

Thursday: Best man arrives
Friday: BIL and SIL arrive
Saturday: MIL, FIL and GIL (Grandma-in-law) arrive
Sunday: Wedding
Tuesday: Best man leaves
Saturday: FIL and GIL leave
Friday: MIL leaves
Saturday: We go on honeymoon (from Heathrow!)

AIBU to not want to drive them all back and forth to Heathrow? We live about 1.5 hours drive away, but it will take more like 2-2.5 hours in the morning rush hour, which is when all their flights arrive/need to check-in for departure. Also, we will have to get up really early and I am not a morning person, and am unlikely to sleep well the few days before the wedding anyway. DP has the Thursday and Friday off work before the wedding, and I just have the Friday off.

On the other hand I feel like they are spending so much money to come to our wedding, that I should be more accommodating.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 24/07/2013 08:32

Why isn't DP offering to be the taxi service?

Original poster
nicecupofteaandbiscuit · 24/07/2013 08:33

He is, we would probably split it. It is still a lot though!

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 24/07/2013 08:34

Then split the trips between you. Don't think 'not liking getting up early' is a serious objection however. Bit of effort needed....

OhTheConfusion · 24/07/2013 08:37

Three trips each.... plus one together for your honeymoon isn't too bad. Weddings are full of issues like this, don't let it spoil your day.

elQuintoConyo · 24/07/2013 08:40

Could you ask friends to collect them? Perhaps collect the PILs yourself, but ask.if ayone could help you out with the others? Maybe offer petrol money?
When I went to a friend's weddung, she arranged fir her sister's dp to collect me from Heathrow - delightful man, happy to do it, bit of petrol money. He did only have to drive me to Datchett. ahem but the B&G asked and someone offered. Worth a try?

ZillionChocolate · 24/07/2013 08:42

I might collect grandma, but I'd let the rest sort themselves out. Direct them to a train/national express timetable and then collect them from your town.

Saidar · 24/07/2013 08:42

I'd just try to do it between you with as much good grace as possible. I am two days away from our wedding, I am so tired. Haven't felt like this since I was a new mother, you have my sympathy about the lack of sleep.

Can you maybe take some nice CD's so on your return journey when you're alone you could view it as some relaxation time?

iismum · 24/07/2013 08:46

I think it's a bit bonkers to spend so much time driving. There's excellent public transport from Heathrow - bus, tube, train. Unless there are specific mobility issues it should be easy for them to get to where you live or much closer to where you live. I would look up all the arrangements for them so you don't seem unfriendly and then spend the 5 hours a day doing something more useful!

ResNulis · 24/07/2013 08:51

Are these people unable to hire cars?
Insane to ask you to being doing that sort of running around the day before & day after your wedding.
If they can't hire, then they need to talk with some other relatives....or check out public transport.
There is entitled, and then there is nuts!

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 24/07/2013 09:01

They need to sort themselves out, they really do. Is that 2.5 hour round trip, or 2.5 hours one way?

If you were all done with work then perhaps it would be more feasible, but if you are still working then how can you?

Utterly bonkers for them to expect you to do it.

LadyMilfordHaven · 24/07/2013 09:01

the young people can get a train or a coach ffs

Dackyduddles · 24/07/2013 09:02

Can they not use public transport like other mere mortals?

pinkdelight · 24/07/2013 09:05

very strange. why wouldn't they just use public transport? are they always chauffeured everywhere??

Trills · 24/07/2013 09:07

Aren't you going to be a bit busy, what with being about to get married?

mummytime · 24/07/2013 09:07

They can get a train or coach or would rail-air to Woking or Reading help? I would also suggest hire cars or taxis. If you talked to a local company with so many trips they might give you a better rate.

You do not want to be doing that much driving around near your wedding, you will have enough things to deal with.

2rebecca · 24/07/2013 09:24

I would let your husband decide, I wouldn't be doing it. If it was under an hour to the airport fine, but how they get from the airport to you should be their problem to sort out.

Xiaoxiong · 24/07/2013 09:26

In this case I think the only acceptable compromise between you driving them and them not having to do anything at all, would be that you arrange a taxi to meet them at the airport but that they pay for it.

I would call a local-to-you airport transfer company, set out all the transfers and ask for a bulk discount as there are multiple transfers to and from the airport. (We did this for our wedding guests, also from Heathrow, and they even organised an accessible car for one guest who needed extra assistance with mobility).

It's cheaper for them because you've negotiated a discount and they are met straight off the plane. I'm sure they can't possibly expect you to pick every single guest up and chauffeur them around - having been a wedding guest myself travelling thousands of miles I don't expect to see the bride & groom in the days leading up to the wedding except at organised wedding-related events!

Xiaoxiong · 24/07/2013 09:27

Sorry that should be "compromise between you driving them and them negotiating the roads or public transport on their own in a possibly foreign country"

flanbase · 24/07/2013 09:28

They are his family & friends so his first responsibility. Does he expect you to do all this driving? Why isn't he collecting them & taking them to the airport? The people the same age as yourselves can take public transport. The grandparents & parents should be collected by your dp. You should refuse to do all this job & your dp has to find a solution

LokiTheCynicalCat · 24/07/2013 09:28

So that's six four-hour round trips (1.5 hours each way plus an hour in traffic)? Not counting any M4 blockages (notorious) or delayed flights (not uncommon) or having to find and pay for short term parking because elderly relatives take too long to get out of the terminal and can't find their way to the pickup zone?

Bonkers. And to all the posters who said "suck it up" did you not have anything better to be doing with four hours of your day, every day in the run-up to your wedding?

Tell them to get the tube or the train or hire a car.

WandaDoff · 24/07/2013 09:30

Speak to a local taxi company.

They'll probably do you a special price because you are booking so many journeys.

YellowDinosaur · 24/07/2013 09:31

No fucking way would I do this more than once (for mil fil and gil maybe) at anytime never mind in the run up to your wedding when presumably you'll be busy? Public transport as others have satires is excellent from heathrow - surely they can make their own way to your nearest town and you'll collect them from there?

Otherwise you've got 18-30 hours in the car excluding your own honeymoon!!! They may have made an effort to come over but you can show your hospitality in other ways, starting with spending time with your guests rather then acting as a continual taxi service.

hermioneweasley · 24/07/2013 09:32

I agree with begging friends to help. People are coming a long way for your wedding and it woukd be the hospitable thing to do.

Trills · 24/07/2013 09:33

IMO when you travel to a wedding you don't expect the bride and groom to ferry you about, you assume that they are busy!

CaptainSweatPants · 24/07/2013 09:35

Yanbu

They can use public transport