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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to drive DP's family and friends back and forth to Heathrow?

66 replies

nicecupofteaandbiscuit · 24/07/2013 08:30

We are getting married in a couple of weeks. DP's friends and family live abroad and are flying into Heathrow. This is the schedule:

Thursday: Best man arrives
Friday: BIL and SIL arrive
Saturday: MIL, FIL and GIL (Grandma-in-law) arrive
Sunday: Wedding
Tuesday: Best man leaves
Saturday: FIL and GIL leave
Friday: MIL leaves
Saturday: We go on honeymoon (from Heathrow!)

AIBU to not want to drive them all back and forth to Heathrow? We live about 1.5 hours drive away, but it will take more like 2-2.5 hours in the morning rush hour, which is when all their flights arrive/need to check-in for departure. Also, we will have to get up really early and I am not a morning person, and am unlikely to sleep well the few days before the wedding anyway. DP has the Thursday and Friday off work before the wedding, and I just have the Friday off.

On the other hand I feel like they are spending so much money to come to our wedding, that I should be more accommodating.

OP posts:
springytoto · 24/07/2013 09:36

They can get public transport like anybody else - a taxi to public transport if that helps (which they foot); then you pick them up from the station your end.

bonkers to be driving all that way there and back when public transport is perfectly willing and able. I wouldn't do it even if they weren't coming for a wedding. Completely unnecessary to have cars zig-zagging across the country when public transport has it covered.

Iwillorderthefood · 24/07/2013 09:38

I live five miles from Heathrow, and do not usually pick up as it can take up to an hour. Plus parking fees.

springytoto · 24/07/2013 09:39

I wouldn't expect to be picked up either - for reasons above, mainly; but also recognising you're going to be a bit BUSY.

FriskyHenderson · 24/07/2013 09:40

Where do you live?
Book them a taxi, it will be worth the cost to you not to lose all that time. You are going to have lots of stuff to do.

If I was a guest, I would not expect the bride to collect me!

springytoto · 24/07/2013 09:42

Mind you, some people are weird about this. My sister and her husband asked me to give them a lift to the airport in our city. Bear in mind there is a fantastic airport bus that stops right at the door of the airport - which a car can't - and I said I'd take them and their luggage to the bus stop and pick them up on the way back. They didn't like that. Something about expecting to be treated like royalty.

EldritchCleavage · 24/07/2013 09:45

Mad to expect bride and groom to spend 4 hours driving every day for 3 days in the run-up to the wedding. Though I do see that if they've come long-haul, they may not feel like getting public transport, it isn't unreasonable to expect them to do it.

Solution: DH collects PIL and GIL. Everyone else makes their own way or at most, is collected by taxi or better still, just gets their own taxi and you share the cost).

missesjellybean · 24/07/2013 09:46

I'd maybe do pre wedding pick ups tbh as they're travelling cross country to celebrate your wedding and will have suits / gifts they want to keep neat...post wedding I'd probably do a drop off at the nearest train station with clear instructions about how to get to the airport.

I definitely couldn't have managed a 2.5 hour journey the day after my wedding if any guests depart the next day, also I wouldn't expect a lift rom someone technically on their honeymoon!

I'd just explain they are getting the train back as its quicker and more relaxing than driving through London traffic. Wink but maybe get their tickets in advance for them ... if you have time .... if English isn't their first language as it can be stressful buying tickets in another country.

Original poster
nicecupofteaandbiscuit · 24/07/2013 18:21

It's a 1.5 hour trip one way, when the traffic is ok. So with rush hour traffic, and possibly waiting around for them at the airport, I'm expecting it to be about 4-4.5 hours realistically. I'm going to have to think about this. Best man and PIL are definitely expecting to be picked up. I can probably get BIL and SIL to make their own way here without too much trouble.

OP posts:
Wibblypiglikesbananas · 24/07/2013 18:52

I used to work at Heathrow. There are excellent public transport links and it was always quicker to catch the local bus than drive due to the bus lanes.

On top of that, you're getting married! You've enough to do!

Wibblypiglikesbananas · 24/07/2013 18:53

Related to the above, presumably you'll be be busy with last minute dress fittings, checking the flowers and so on - at precisely the times their flights land ;o)

StickEmUp · 24/07/2013 18:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SelfconfessedSpoonyFucker · 24/07/2013 19:02

yeah, I don't do that except in exceptional circumstances and my wedding would not count, you have other things you really need to be doing. Sick, injured or very elderly relatives I would probably do it for though.

When we fly into the UK we don't expect anyone to come to Heathrow or Gatwick, we either pay more to fly into a regional one or we hire a car or take public transport. We did ask my parents to go into Heathrow to meet my teenager the first time he flew internationally and they were happy to do that.

Inertia · 24/07/2013 19:04

Do you have any family that could help out with the journeys?

If not I would...

  • Get DH to collect best man
  • SIL and BIL can arrange own transport surely?
  • PIl and GIL- maybe send a taxi to collect them? Neither of you will want to do a 4 hour round trip the day before the wedding!
  • If you are going on holiday the day after MIL leaves, I'd take her and all your honeymoon stuff and book yourselves into a hotel at Heathrow for the night before the honeymoon, and just stay there overnight.
newbiefrugalgal · 24/07/2013 19:06

OP -what is the puic transport option for them?

Is it easy? Quicker?

formicadinosaur · 24/07/2013 19:18

I'd let his family and friends sort themselves out as anyway, you've tons to do. DH will need to help you. The only exception to this might be gran if she is elderly and infirm.

formicadinosaur · 24/07/2013 19:19

Sorry no driving day before wedding. So helping gran is out. Train? Offer to meet them from a close train station.

Laquitar · 24/07/2013 19:25

Why do they come and leave on different days?? Fil leaves one day and mil another? Madness to go and pick them up on different days. When we married abroad we told family that we can arrange mini bus if they organise to come all at once. Otherwise it is very tiring. If your family choose to travel on different days then they should pay the cab imo.

Original poster
nicecupofteaandbiscuit · 24/07/2013 22:05

Public transport option is National Express (2.5h, direct) or train from Kings Cross (~1h from Kings Cross). I wish I had friends or family to help out, but they all live much further from Heathrow than me, bar a couple of friends who have busy enough lives as it is.

FIL and GIL are leaving earlier than MIL, as FIL doesn't like to travel/be away from home. I think PIL are cutting it fine to arrive the day before the wedding. They are coming from the US, and will fly overnight on Friday and arrive early Saturday morning. This means that not only will they be jetlagged, but they will have probably not had much sleep.

What we have decided is:
Thursday - DP will probably pick up best man (his choice)
Friday - BIL and SIL make own transport arrangements
Saturday - Send taxi for PIL and GIL
Tuesday - best man gets National Express
Saturday - FIL and GIL get taxi
Friday - Drive MIL to Heathrow and (hopefully) stay overnight with a friend nearby

I don't think PIL are going to be happy about this. They didn't even ask us to pick them up - they just assumed that's what would happen.

OP posts:
minibmw2010 · 24/07/2013 22:22

There's a wonderful thing in this country called public transport ... Encourage them all to use it !!!

minibmw2010 · 24/07/2013 22:23

Sorry cross post there.Smile

MumnGran · 24/07/2013 22:25

Sounds sensible....but I hope they are picking up the cab fare!

Have a lovely wedding day, OP.

kickassangel · 24/07/2013 22:34

I get pre booked taxis to/from Heathrow when visiting the UK. Public transport is good, but a long haul flight, no sleep and being in a strange place with luggage to haul around it can be pretty confusing. The taxi costs about 70 pounds, which isn't too much compared to petrol and parking.

Joiningthegang · 24/07/2013 23:01

I would do it - they will be your family soon too.

They are coming to your wedding from another country so it is nice to spend time with them.

Lots of mean spirits on this thread.

EldritchCleavage · 24/07/2013 23:05

I prefer a taxi-you can collapse into it and sleep with no expectation of chat from the nice relative who just picked you up. I think it would be unreasonable of PIL to be cross.

2rebecca · 24/07/2013 23:14

If you go abroad on holiday you have to work out how you get from the airport to wherever you are going. I don't see why it's different when visiting relatives. If the relative you are visiting lives 100 miles from the airport then you have to work out how you are going to travel the 100 miles surely?
Why should you assume the airport is the end of your journey and the rest is someone else's problem? I really don't get this attitude.