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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want to hear constant negative comments about having a baby

104 replies

Freudianslap · 12/07/2013 20:22

My first is due in Sept and I am getting increasingly tired of hearing comments about how having a baby will basically ruin my life.

If I am to believe what I have been told by colleagues, friends, family this week alone then after sept I will never be able to wash, sleep, eat a meal, go to the toilet alone, go out, have any time alone, enjoy any hobbies, continue eith a career EVER again....

Now don't get me wrong, I am aware my life will change massively but surely having children isn't as ruinous as people are making out? And if it is that way - maybe people should just keep their bloody traps shut because I am scared enough as it is!

Please MNers .... Tell me that having children is actually quite nice sometimes!!

OP posts:
BeanoNoir · 12/07/2013 20:31

It is lovely and I certainly wouldn't say they ruin your life but they do change it beyond recognition. The thing is we all get told this and we all know it and we have kids anyway. We love them, and yes there are certain aspects of not having kids we might mourn but imo it's grass is greener syndrome. Just ignore, I don't know why people think it's appropriate to be negative. Having kids is so amazingly special. And at the time it can feel exhausting, hard work etc but we all have to remember that they're only little for such a relatively short amount of time it should be treasured and enjoyed. Just ignore them!

BeanoNoir · 12/07/2013 20:32

Yanbu btw. Why do people say this stuff when you're already bloody pregnant anyway????

HRMumness · 12/07/2013 20:32

Some of those do apply, some of the time but the absolute joy and happiness from watching your child grow and learn and change is totally worth it. Today, my 11.5 month old spent 10 minutes splashing herself silly in the bath, giggling non-stop and then when we got her out of the bath, she was standing up on her change table naked (I was holding on, she won't sit or lay down without a battle right now) and just as we finished drying her off, she decided to do a wee, much to her father's amusement.

Life won't be the same but it won't matter so much, promise.

BramshawHill · 12/07/2013 20:33

All that negative stuff can be such baloney, I was told all of it - catch up on sleep before baby's here because I'll never sleep again, breastfeeding is going to hurt and my nipples will be tough as old boots, I won't remember the first year of her life because it'll be such hell.

She's 9 months old and the funniest, easiest little baby. There are tough times but then you have tough times with your partner, your parents, your friends and no-one warns you against those!

Ignore the bad comments, prepare for hard days but look forward to and enjoy the good moments because there's a heck of a lot of them. They don't know how hard/easy your baby is going to be!

JassyRadlett · 12/07/2013 20:34

I found people's insistence of telling you how HARD it was completely wearing. I get that people are saving you from going in with unrealistic expectations but STILL. Temper it, people!

It is the best, most interesting, most fun thing I've ever done. DS is nearly two and I can honestly say there has been joy in every one of those days because of him.

Of course some of it was hard work, and tiring, and boring. But worth every second.

The other thing people will say to you is to sleep now while you still can! Top tip: THERE IS NO SLEEP BANK. No matter how much sleep you get as a hugely pregnant person, it will not magically make you less tired with a newborn.

LastButOneSplash · 12/07/2013 20:35

Having kids is just brilliant. And between you and me, it's not as hard as people make out (I'm sure it can be for some of course) and its not changed my life beyond recognition. But then I think my lifestyle was very able to incorporate a child.

PastaBeeandCheese · 12/07/2013 20:36

Ignore them apart from the being accompanied to the loo bit. That's completely true but it's a bit like having a really cute andrex puppy when they learn to tear the paper off the roll to 'help'.

It will change your life but for the better IMO. I adore my DD and she did sleep sometimes and I was up and washed everyday by breakfast time right from the start. I've been back at work 8 months now and it's fine. Picked up where I left off.

People just like to moan.

NothingsLeft · 12/07/2013 20:36

YABU it's all true, you just don't know it yet.

MrsPercyPig · 12/07/2013 20:37

It's brilliant! Don't listen to the negative brigade, it's the best thing you'll ever do!

I'm speaking as a doting mum of a 5 month old ds who dithered for 10 years about whether or not I should "ruin my life with a baby."

Forgetfulmog · 12/07/2013 20:37

I think some people just want to make sure you're prepared for the utter upheaval of having a baby. I was completely unprepared for how difficult caring for a baby can be (ok our dd did have reflux, doesn't self settle, or sleep through the night etc etc) & it has been very difficult.

That said, I would not change my life to what it was BC (before child Grin) - I have a beautiful daughter & my life now has a sense of purpose, which I feel it didn't have before.

You will also need to get a thicker skin as once your baby is born you will be judged on all aspects of your parenting Grin

Just smile, ignore & convince yourself that your baby will be different

btw everything you've been told by your friends etc is true

Grin
Original poster
Freudianslap · 12/07/2013 20:38

Thank you! I just can't believe how people think it is OK to say such negative things to a first timer - what on earth can it achieve?!?

Usually it doesn't bother me but I think that it's just bad timing at the moment as maternity leave is getting closer so things are getting more scary. I will have to think of a suitable response or failing that 'la la la' with my fingers in my ears when they start up again!'

OP posts:
DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper · 12/07/2013 20:39

What Forgetfulmig said, with bells on. Grin

DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper · 12/07/2013 20:40

mog, even?!

Wishfulmakeupping · 12/07/2013 20:41

I had exactly the same people are so strange!
I can tell you hand on heart I have been so happy since my dd was born she is literally the love of my life :)
You're life does change and sometimes its hard work but the rewards when you look at you're baby contented you know it's worth it :)
Honestly becoming a mummy is the best thing that's ever happened to me

Wholetthedogin · 12/07/2013 20:41

Maternity leave - bloody brilliant!
Best year of my life.
Cuddled up on the sofa with a new baby.
Long walks whilst baby sleeps in the pram, stopping off for coffee and cake on the way home. Bliss Envy

Congratulations and enjoy being a mum Flowers

Forgetfulmog · 12/07/2013 20:41

Smile Don

Ipp3 · 12/07/2013 20:41

This pissed me and dh off too. I think it is terribly British to focus on the tough side rather than the good side. One of my neighbours put in the congrats card she sent to us 'may the wonder never cease'. That the spirit!

JRmumma · 12/07/2013 20:43

I HATE that too! My pet hate is when people say 'you don't know what tired is yet'. Of course i know what tired is, i may not have had a child before and im sure ill be much more tired than i am now, but i know what ive signed up for.

Its not that its negative, its that its so patronizing, that's what bugs me so much about this stuff!

caramelwaffle · 12/07/2013 20:44

Yabu. It's all true as NL says*

  • I may be biased as it is a friday evening and I am not out boogying - instead on the TV we have... Chugging bloomin' Ton.

No. No. Jungle bloomin' Junction.

Funghoul · 12/07/2013 20:47

My dd is 8 weeks and this morning she did her first proper smile at me. It was so beautiful. I never thought I'd turn into one of those soppy people who love very noise their baby makes but I have.
You just need to be a little bit organised, and to plan around feeds, and you'll be fine. It's took a bit of practice but I get out the house nearly everyday. She doesn't stop me doing anything (although people do trip over to coo into the pram so actually being out can be time consuming!) so ignore people.
Life will change but it's all good. Take time to adjust and enjoy it because their time as a baby passes so quick.

LizTerrine · 12/07/2013 20:49

Erm, everything they say is true.

But I've got two, so it does get better.

BeQuicksieorBeDead · 12/07/2013 20:49

Op I feel your pain. Not due til november and already advised to give up hope of breast feeding as it is too hard!

PeriodMath · 12/07/2013 20:49

The thing to remember is that all babies are different. Some people really do suffer in the early months if they have a baby with colic who cries all or one who won't nap so they never get a break. Others have dream babies who follow the text books and life for those mothers is considerably easier. It depends who you're talking to. I had a pretty positive newborn experience and really didn't feel overwhelmed or run down at all. DS fed and slept and was generally lovely and I honestly enjoyed it all. The toddler phase? Now, that has done me in in a completely different way!

I would never say anything negative to someone expecting a baby though. Like you say - what's the point?

As for the sleep bank, you're right, it's a myth. Don't waste pre-baby time sleeping. My advice would be to travel, days out, weekends away, nights in hotels. Lots of time with your OH because that's what really changes. Not the love, but the time and attention.

Twattybollocks · 12/07/2013 20:50

It's annoying isn't it, but in some ways they are right, and in a years time you will look back and laugh at the fact that you have indeed been unable to have a pee or shower in peace, or a full nights sleep since your baby arrived. Many people find the adjustment from carefree childlessness to new parenthood a big shock, no matter how many people tell them, and regardless of how wanted or loved the baby is.
Babies and children don't ruin your life, but they do change it forever.

Original poster
Freudianslap · 12/07/2013 20:51

The tired thing is a particular pet hate of mine.

As somebody who has never slept more than 4 or 5 hours on a good night I am well aware of what tiredness feels like!!

I was looking forward to my mat leave but the closer I get the more people seem to want to tell me that it is going to be a year of hell. Maybe I am naive but I just can't see how it's going to be so horrific (particularly because my job is bloody horrible)..

OP posts: