AIBU to not want to hear constant negative comments about having a baby

[Freudianslap]

My first is due in Sept and I am getting increasingly tired of hearing comments about how having a baby will basically ruin my life.

If I am to believe what I have been told by colleagues, friends, family this week alone then after sept I will never be able to wash, sleep, eat a meal, go to the toilet alone, go out, have any time alone, enjoy any hobbies, continue eith a career EVER again....

Now don't get me wrong, I am aware my life will change massively but surely having children isn't as ruinous as people are making out? And if it is that way - maybe people should just keep their bloody traps shut because I am scared enough as it is!

Please MNers .... Tell me that having children is actually quite nice sometimes!!

To be honest, I wish more people had told me how difficult those first few weeks could be (have my first who is 3 weeks old now). No one really spoke about the relentlessness etc, and spoke about sleep deprivation as a joke. I certainly don't find it funny.

I'm finding all this a bit easier to cope with now I've spoken to friends, but I would have found things better in the midst of the real lows had I known tat it's pretty normal. Having said that, some people do find it easy. Hopefully you are one of those!!

If it's any help, labour was not nearly as bad as I expected. I enjoyed that last bit, but recognise that I was very lucky.

You will love it.

You can't say that, though, you really can't. You will love your baby, yes. But you may very well not love it, and people telling you that you will, and then you not makes you feel like a total failure.

I find this sort of comment equally unhelpful (although I totally recognise it isn't meant that way) - it's the sort of thing that really doesn't help people who struggle massively, who have PND, or borderline PND.

A year on, my Dad still talks about how having a baby has ruined my life.

It's bollocks.

My life is different, but not that different, and for all the sleepless nights/feeding woes/pregnancy woes/did I say sleepless nights, it is better.

Quite simply, my life is so much better for being a mum. I hope yours is too!

The irony is that for the last 4 years I have worked in a job that has pretty much dominated my life so have hardly had any social life or 'me time' for ages (working 12hr shifts, nights, weekends, most public holidays etc)
So it's not like I have this massively dynamic, social life to 'lose' anyway!

It wont ruin your life but it will change your life.

As far as these things are concerned:

--washing yourself is fine if you have someone around or have a monitor you can keep with you at all times.
-- sleep is difficult at the start for a while sometimes that's a given but it isn't NO SLEEP and if you have family/friends/a partner to support you then this becomes even less of an issue.
--eat a meal can be awkward if they are upset but if they are asleep or happy in their bouncer/pram as long as you are in the same room, there is rarely a problem. Sometimes involves a cool dinner but that's nearer the start!
--go to the toilet alone isn't impossible but obviously have them within hearing distance and not alone with any pets
-- go out at the start can be hard but once you have your baby settled and they know someone well enough to feel comfortable with them and then perhaps express if you are breastfeeding or give them a bottle you'll be fine
--have any time alone can be difficult sometimes but when they are asleep, having a cuddle with someone else etc you can have some time alone and the older they get, generally the easier it is at least until they crawl :)
--enjoy any hobbies is same as above
-- continue with a career ever is a bit ridiculous. It's probably best not to until they start nursery/school but after that or if you have a close family member who could look after them there is no reason why you can't enjoy a career.

It doesn't mean your life is over, it means things will be very differently focused, that's all. I don't regret one moment having my little girl and she's 14 weeks old now and she's my little angel and couldn't imagine life without her, I really couldn't!

Agree with Binkybix.

I also wish more people had told me how hard it might be. I was totally unprepared, and floored by it all. And yes, felt like a failure a lot of the time, for not 'loving it'.

If it helps, maybe try to think that the people saying these things are actually trying to be helpful in their own way.

I wish I'd listened to more of those people, then I might have felt more normal.

My two at now 4 and nearly 3 and I am finally starting to 'love it'. But babyhood was pretty unrelenting for me, and not in a good way.

This used to drive me mad when I was pregnant with DS1 - people were so negative and patronising and I didn't really get their point, were they trying to say that I shouldn't have children ever because it would change my life?

Anyway, it does change your life but you obviously know that. Becoming a parent is obviously going to change your life. Everyone is different and parents differently, has different children and a different experience.

Enjoy. It is amazing.

I have a pretty full on job. 13 hour shifts, sometimes 7 days a week, on my feet all day, with no thanks, often subjected to verbal abuse. I clean up bodily fluids all day long. I thought I was pretty hard core and prepared for it. Thought maternity leave would be a breeze...

Now I go to work for a break

DS is gorgeous but it's been hard work.

I think what people are trying to convey, very badly, is just how much having a child changes your life. You may experience all those negative things, you may not, but from the moment your baby is put in your arms you will become a different person. You will become a parent and no matter what happens you'll be a parent till the day you die. Absolutely nothing else in life changes you so fundamentally and permanently and nothing prepares you for it. It's fantastic but when you're completely new to it and tirrd hormonal and clueless it can seem bloody scary. I think in their cack handed way their trying to warn you about the bad stuff because they know the.good stuff will come in time. What they should say is "you won't go out for a year because you will love that little person so much that you just won't want to leave them." but that's too bloody corny and too hard to believe until you actually have the baby and find out what all the fuss was about

Having my PFB has been the hardest, but most hilarious thing that's ever happened to me. It's relentless, can be mundane but also a bloody riot. Small people are really, really funny and we all need a bloody good laugh through the sleep deprivation haze!

What they say about this being the end of solo trips to the loo is completely true. My toddler now loudly narrates the entire process wherever we are: mummy knickers down, do wee wee, paper, wipe fanny....usually whilst perched on my knee.

My newborn memories = relentless joyless torture with a breast feeding parasite clinging to me 24/7. Cried on strangers in the street. Seethed with resentment at everyone for not telling me what to expect (I'd only heard the good stuff). Hurt myself countless times through clumsiness resulting from excruciating tiredness. 2 years later I look back and can't remember what was so hard. Every stage since the first few weeks has brought it's own joy and it is bloody fascinating to watch your child develop.

It's the idea of failure, as DonDraper (heh) puts it, that makes people share. They want to try and reassure mum's to be that it's ok to struggle with something.

I was so sick of this too.

One lovely woman told me, "it's hard work, but having kids is the best thing ever!". She was my favorite person, and a year later I completely agree.

The sleep deprivation is beyond what I imagined possible but so is the love I feel for my baby and the joy I experience from just looking at him! Life has changed for the better but 4 months in and I would kill for a nights sleep . I am reliably informed by many that it could take years....

So true Thurlow

I'm on my 3rd DC itsaruddygame and he's the first one who hasn't started sleeping through by 5/6 months and this has been a shock so I'm in the same boat as you despite him not being my first

15 months in and still sleep deprived here. I work nights for a rest sometimes too

Drove me nuts when I was pregnant. It was often said with snug glee, 'sleep now because you won't when the baby comes!'

Like I wasn't already up all night, uncomfortable and knackered.

It's absolutely with it and I say this as apparent of a non sleeper. She's a monkey and when she was 'singing' to me earlier while I once again was trying to get her to sleep I had to stifle a giggle. They're infuriating but god, you'll never know love like it.

Enjoy. Let the haters hate. They're just bored of their own lives.

People are utter idiots to say stuff like that to you OP. As others have said, yes life changes forever and of course there are hard times, but in my experience having a brand new little person who you get to know better everyday is just amazing and outweighs all the hard stuff. and yes i had a really grim time at the start but i would never go back to life without DD. Nothing else feels like the feelings you have for your child. There are some days you may feel miserable but equally you may not, everyone is different. Tell them to piss off!

Ha, try having twins when you've got a toddler. Everyone took great delight in telling me not only was my life over and that I wouldn't cope, but that I need paid help to even survive. Even books about having twins said we'd need paid help (we could never have afforded any and have survived and are fine)

I get that people are sharing their experiences, I get that you don't want to say it's all sunshine and light and fluffy rabbits, but you can give realistic advice and be positive. E.g.: breast feeding is hard, but you'll get there and those early days don't last long. Labour is hard and unpredictable, but you will get through it and have a baby at the end. The transition to motherhood is tricky, but there are ways through and there is support and it can be amazing. All that helps and is constructive. Saying your life is over is just unhelpful crap.

Good luck OP, I'm sure you'll do fine, hope you're coping with the hot weather!

It is tough but it also the best thing ever. I would say; it dosn't ruin your life at all; it DOES change it though. For the better. I'm not going to lie though; I don't ebjoy every second and sometimes I hate it, like scrapping dog shit off dds shoes and trying to deal with little girl friendship fall outs, but very often I love it too.

I appreciate people trying to prep me for the worst case scenario but the comments from you MNetters have been so much more beneficial! Sometimes a bit of positivity goes a long way....

Of course none of this will matter because I have put in a request to have 'an easy baby' - that's how it works right? Haha..

Freudian - ive ordered a good sleeper so im all set [grins]

My son is 4yo and I'm pregnant with number 2.

Do I miss the 10 years post 2009 when I had a fantastic job travelling the world, meeting important people and doing my bit to make the world sustainable and businesses responsible? Yes I do.

But bringing a child into the world, having their very existence dependent on me, watching my son grow into a confident, independent, loving little person, more than makes up for my loss of professional life. I wouldn't change it for anything in the world.

My baby didn't ruin my life, he and the expected one gave/gives my life meaning - they complete me.