Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want to hear constant negative comments about having a baby

104 replies

Freudianslap · 12/07/2013 20:22

My first is due in Sept and I am getting increasingly tired of hearing comments about how having a baby will basically ruin my life.

If I am to believe what I have been told by colleagues, friends, family this week alone then after sept I will never be able to wash, sleep, eat a meal, go to the toilet alone, go out, have any time alone, enjoy any hobbies, continue eith a career EVER again....

Now don't get me wrong, I am aware my life will change massively but surely having children isn't as ruinous as people are making out? And if it is that way - maybe people should just keep their bloody traps shut because I am scared enough as it is!

Please MNers .... Tell me that having children is actually quite nice sometimes!!

OP posts:
IfAtFirstUDontSucceed · 12/07/2013 20:51

Pay no attention, these people infuriated me.

Constantly Making comment about the awful things that happen during pregnancy, how labour was the worst thing in the world and even that your hair drops out afterwards. Cheery remarks about how babies constantly cry, you never sleep, breastfeeding is painful, or you could end up with black boobs due to mastitis!!!!

As it happens, I had a pretty easy pregnancy, labour was painful but weirdly enjoyable Hmm I even ended up with a 3rd degree tear but would still do it all over again.
DS is 13 weeks and he's a pretty easy baby too. Yes he cries, but it's to tell me he wants something. Feed him, change his nappy, put him to sleep and he stops and he's the most happy, gorgeous bundle of loveliness I could ever imagine :)

Oh, and my hair hasn't dropped out either!

Enjoy it all!

DfanjoUnchained · 12/07/2013 20:52

Oh my god, I hate this!

I have a 6 month old ds, my first, and yes it is hard but it is so utterly amazing watching this tiny sprog grow up before your eyes.

You will love it.

ThePowerof3 · 12/07/2013 20:52

It is all true but you wont care, you'll have the best thing in the world

Forgetfulmog · 12/07/2013 20:53

BeQuick - please please don't listen to that about bfeeding. Yes it can be bloody hard (took 3 months with dd before I managed to finally get the latch right, but she was prem & a v little baby), but it really does get easier. I don't look back & I'm so pleased I stuck with it.

Btw I'm not trying to preach, but if you do want to bf, please don't worry about it being hard

badguider · 12/07/2013 20:53

tell me about it!! i'm due in september too.

worst was when a couple with a baby said to dh and i 'don't do it' in relation to having a child when i was clearly over 6 months pregnant and could hardly ask for it to be taken back at that point!!!

and if one more person says to 'enjoy my unbroken sleep' i might scream - do they not remember pregnancy insomnia and bladder issues and can they not imagine what it's like to be 32wks pregnant trying to sleep in this heat???

yes, our lives will be completely different - but i know mothers of babies who come to running club or get out on their bikes, i see families at the forest where we mountainbike all the time and families with babies/toddlers in the campsites we go to on holiday... i work with many mothers too - so this idea that i'll never leave the house, do any sport or other hobby or work again cannot possibly be true.

BegoniaBampot · 12/07/2013 20:55

A lot of what you quoted did apply at the beginning when they were little. Maybe your friends are just trying to prepare you so you don't get a shock. Don't think I'd bang on though and would talk about the lovely side as well.

Burmobasher · 12/07/2013 20:56

Yes it's tough but the emotion you feel when they are born just blows your mind. People are just making small talk, I agree it's a bit British to be negative but I reckon it would be a lot worse if all parents mooned about talking how amazing everything is - puke!
You know how you feel so don't let it get to you, I just used to laugh along. Besides, most of these negative parents probably have more than one dc so that says it all really.
Congrats by the way, your going to love it.

Justforlaughs · 12/07/2013 20:57

If it was that bad I'd never have had 5!
YANBU, things change, but not in a bad way. I wash and shower as much as I did before having kids, I eat MORE than I did before, I go out on a regular basis (not every night but often enough, in fact I had a spa day on Monday! Wink), I sleep perfectly well thank you, I've just had a promotion in work and I have plenty of hobbies that I enjoy.and I have never been accompanied when I go to the toilet

Thurlow · 12/07/2013 20:58

YANBU - though neither are they, people just want to share what they found difficult. Because let's be honest, when things are hard with a baby, they are hard. It's a sort of forewarned is forearmed mentality, people worry that if you go into parenthood thinking that absolutely everything is a bed of roses then you might struggle when something is hard. But the other side if people worry that if they say anything too gushing then they'll look weird Grin But we all want to gush, we really really do. Because it's amazing.

I did have one colleague who insisted that it would be impossible to ever leave the house because it took so long to get the baby ready. You would just never be able to nip out and post a letter because it would take HOURS to get ready. That one drove me bonkers! Still does now with a toddler. Grab baby/toddler under arm, walk to postbox at the end of the road. It's hardly rocket science...

JRmumma · 12/07/2013 20:59

It may all be true but i bet most people who have it tough still wouldn't change it for the world! I love my sleep and am going to find sleep deprivation really tough but im not dreading it at all and i see it as part and parcel of what its all about and not a singled out negative.

Forgetfulmog · 12/07/2013 21:03

You shouldn't dread it at all mumma, because, like other posters have said, being a parent is amazing. but none of you pregnant ladies have any idea what sleep deprivation is like

Viking1 · 12/07/2013 21:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsMook · 12/07/2013 21:04

The sleep one is particularly annoying. If it's any consolation having a newborn baby was fantastic- two hours of comfortable sleep at a time, a vast improvement on hourly wake-ups to manually heave my body over and reactivate dead limbs (Carpal Tunnel and PGP is a bitch of a combination). Likewise the do x, y and z before baby's here advice... Well maybe I might have done if I had an attention span longer than 90 seconds and was physically capable of manipulating my fingers or walking more than 10m rollseyes

To some extent, having a baby is what you make it despite baby's agenda. Even those who have issues like colic that make life difficult wouldn't go back to pre-baby life.

Enjoy motherhood, it's awesome.

Original poster
Freudianslap · 12/07/2013 21:05

These comments are making me feel so much better, thank you!

OP posts:
teenagetantrums · 12/07/2013 21:08

yes your life will change but to be honest its not that hard, yes you cant go out every weekend and get wasted as hangovers and babies do not mix but you can go out, and you can go to toilet alone just close the door, and of course you will sleep, and you can do hobbies, everything just takes a bit more planning that's it, and before you know it they are teenagers and they never want to get out of bed. enjoy your baby and just ignore everyone else.

breatheslowly · 12/07/2013 21:10

The hardest thing for me as a mother is not laughing when DD is creatively naughty. If that is the worst thing about motherhood then it must be pretty good.

caramelwaffle · 12/07/2013 21:12

Motherhood is fantastic.

Even when one has a child flouncing, with the words "I'm going to watch "Timothy goes to school", upstairs" Yes!

Poor neglected mummy HmmGrin

DfanjoUnchained · 12/07/2013 21:15

I've only just started experiencing sleep deprivation at 6 months due to teething ds. Even then it's not that bad. You can catch up on sleep when they nap the next day. Depends how well you can do with interrupted sleep. Not all babies don't sleep.

My ds was hardly ever awake for the first 6 weeks!

Also not everyone finds bf hard. I didnt have any problems at all and I know that I'm lucky in that sense.

Betelgeuse · 12/07/2013 21:16

My DH and I were similarly infuriated by the constant "You won't know what's hit you" comments when I was pregnant with our now 6 month old DD, as well meaning as people were. We knew exactly how difficult it was going to be from time to time, neither of us is naive or stupid but we also knew how bloody amazing it would be the rest of the time and it is. Motherhood is an ongoing lesson in patience for me but the absolute heart wrenching love I have for my DD and the joy I get from watching her grow and develop is second to nothing in the world. Congratulations OP, and don't worry, you won't regret a single second.

PollyIndia · 12/07/2013 21:20

The whole no more showers or wees in peace thing really hasn't been my experience, and I am single and been juggling work too since he was 2 months. In the very early days it is hard to cook and you need to work out your rhythm to have showers, get dressed etc. I would pee with him in my arms or in the sling, which I am sure isn't recommended, but hey ho. He wasn't colicky, but he wasn't a breeze either - breastfeeding was really hard and painful for 6 weeks and he didn't sleep through until 8 months old. I started putting him to bed at 730 at 6 weeks so i could cook myself a proper dinner, but if you have a partner, that shouldn't be an issue. I had 3 rules. Get up and dressed every day, get out every day and no tv. The thought of being in my pyjamas all day with Jeremy Kyle on just filled me with dread. But we are all different!

It goes really fast though, so whatever phase you are in will soon have gone, so if you can just roll with it, before you know it you will be into the next bit.

Of course I am starting to miss having a social life now I am no longer breastfeeding etc but that is another story. It is life changing, but in the loveliest way. And I look back at the twilight zone of the early days with fondness. And the love just grows and grows. I could never have imagined how much I would love him.

Congratulations. It is a brilliant ride. Ignore the harpies.

noblegiraffe · 12/07/2013 21:21

As somebody who has never slept more than 4 or 5 hours on a good night I am well aware of what tiredness feels like!!

Yeah, I thought that too. I was wrong Wink

purplemurple1 · 12/07/2013 21:24

I'm also due in Sept, nice to read these comments, although tbh everyone I work with has been really positive and said to take off as much time as I can afford and enjoy it, as any time spent with your kids is the best time Smile

I don't live in the Uk, maybe thats the difference!

WaitakereWaif · 12/07/2013 21:26

Freudian ....what no-one tells you is the true secret of motherhood, .....the reason why so many people keep on repeating the "life-ruining"process! in September you are going to fall in love, heart & soul, and every moment in between. Total unconditional love is like no other feeling on earth.
Your old life may become a memory, but you would give up all of it twice over for the joy of hearing your baby laugh for the first time...for the magic of holding that tiny new life for the first time.
If someone could bottle those feelings, they would make a mint.
And no-one talks about them!!!
Maybe its soppy. Maybe its because finding the right words is so hard.
None of that matters. Come September, you will listen to the horror stories from friends .....you will be utterly knackered ....but you will know why you would not change things back, even for a second Smile

peggyundercrackers · 12/07/2013 21:27

it will change your life but not in a bad way. We often wonder what we did with all our time before having our wee one. shes lovely though and is very well behaved - the only time she moans is if she isnt in bed at her bed time - seriously we couldnt wish for a better natured baby

DfanjoUnchained · 12/07/2013 21:29

I really thought I knew what love was with my dh. But when my ds was born and thrown on my chest all wrinkly and brand new, then he blinked and looked up at me - now that was true love

Swipe left for the next trending thread