to keep DD off school due to her period

[FrameyMcFrame]

It's school sports day today and DD (11) has just come on to her period.

This would be ok normally but the school has a rule that you have to leave your school bag in the classroom so DD logistically can't change her sanitary towel at school unless she gets it out of her bag and carries it in her hand along to the loos.
Obviously she is too embarrassed to do this so she always comes home in a bit of a mess when she is on her period at school. With it being sports day, this is going to be a problem with changing and the embarrassment associated so I've decided to keep her at home today. AIBU? And what should I say to the school as a reason for her absence?

Don't understand why she is so embarrassed? Seriously, do you remember what being a teen is like?

I don't really understand the enormity of the problem and my dd started periods at 10 in primary (although I felt able to see the head and ensure there was support in place - and there was oodles).

• big pencil case with compartments.
• skirt pocket
• purse belt
• blazer pockets
• couple of towels pinned to inside of skirt with safety pins

... and does no-one remember thick waist high gym knickers with ribbed legs, thick lining and an inside pocket for a "hanky"? The alternatives sound better and learning a bit about improvisation can only be good. Can't it? Surely better than time off. --though I've offered to ring dd in sick next week for sports day because she's hopeless at sport and hates it

Sanitary towels pinned inside her skirt? Good grief!

YANBU, why on earth should a child be put through this. The school are being controlling dicks.

Op are you going to speak to the school?

I am as to what the other girls do?!

Sounds like a nightmare for your dd though and I can understand why you kept her off and why your dd is embarrassed.

However you need to ring the school and ask what are girls meant to do when they have their period and have not got access to their bags.

I started my periods at 11. I remember crying to my Mum begging her not to even tell my Dad.

I feel for your DD, it's a ridiculous rule. Someone does need to speak to the school though.

Ok then valium if the skirt doesn't have a pocket sew a little pocket inside then rather than using a safety pin. I just see lots of ways of getting round this.

Have also shown this to dd who says no to going into school but yes to pockets secret or otherwise.

Yes I think it is such a big deal. DD would not want her teachers to know even. Also her class teacher is a male, he's very nice but it would be the height of embarrassment if he were to be involved in any way.
They are doing human reproduction in science at the moment so there has been plenty of talking about periods etc. DD says there are sanitary bins in the loos. But I just think they've failed to think through the practicalities of how it works for the kids.
I refuse to put panty liners in DDs pencil case/bra/knickers/skirt.
The idea of it falling out while doing handstands on the field... She wouldn't do it anyway for that reason.

Well said

Well surely if she's coming home in a blood stained mess because she can't change her sanny she won't be doing handstands anyway so that isn't really an issue. Yes, they shoukd have access to sanny's but if you won't speak out and deal with it then you have to think of alternatives. Isn't that common sense. FGS just sew a pocket into her hem or a zip onto her skirt pocket.

I feel for your DD. I started periods when I was 10 and was the only one out of my friend who had and it was pretty awkward. Although I did let them know that I had started my period they just asked me questions about it instead of their Mums when they started at around 11/12 as they felt awkward even telling their Mums.

I think you should mention it to the head of year or to a female teacher that your DD gets on well with. She can approach her form future instead of you or her and will hopefully get rid of a bit of embarrassment.

I'd have kept her off in these circumstances too. Only because of the sports day complication mind you. Those saying yabu just imagine the embarrassment and horror that would follow if she were to have a mishap in her sports kit. Poor kid.

I would then go into school and talk to someone about the situation and get it sorted. She will not be the only girl that has started her periods. My Dd started last year aged just 9 poor kid. She is tiny and everyone was surprised by it and in the massive school she goes too NO ONE had a pad to give her! They called me and I arrived with some! Anyway, since then they have been brilliant and very kind and sensitive.

I'm utterly unembarassed about it now, as befits an adult of my advanced years but I can only assume that anyone who doesn't know how cruel children can be about this stuff started their periods rather late.

I was nearly ten and it was utterly humiliating having to do all that, I hesitate to think how awful it would have been to have to cope with one pad all day under these circumstances. Your poor DD, she has my sympathy.

Time for this school's utterly hurtful rule to change.

Someone needs to go into the school and request that they look again at the policies and why.

Because why should all the girls have to faff around to find a secretive way of doing things? Sewing pockets inside skirts? Extra pencil cases/purses? Why? When the easiest thing is to just have your bag with you.

At DD's school, the children carry their bags around between lessons. They go and change at break times if required. So far, as they ALL have their bags with them, no one knows if they're on or not. The school insists that they either keep bags with them or put them in their lockers, in any case not to leave them lying around.

Yanbu. Your poor dd. I would speak to a female teacher in confidence, so that your dd won't find out you've done so. They need to change the bag rule.

I remember the embarrassment of trying to hide a sanitary towel up my sleeve in primary school.Let her have the day off.

Why does your dd think it's such an embarrassment though? My dd started her periods at 10 - we celebrated it; we had cake and pierced ears and love and higs and lots of hugs. Her dad and DS got cake and went ugh tmi and were told to belt up. Her primary head was v supportive though and we got code words and everything and dd had a male teacher. If she needed the loo during lessons she just had to say "I need to go and see Mrs jones for a moment". Once she got to secondary I didn't even ask about arrangements although afyer a quick chat tonight - dd can access her locker between lessons.

If you have spoken to school and they have refused to rreview I think you have a point. But you haven't and if you aren't prepared to deal with it then stop complaining. At the least you could write an anonymous letter to the head and the school nurse. If you don't like suggestions then you have to resolve it else put up and shut up.

This has made me really angry. Schools should be empowering girls to feel good about their bodies and confident in the changes that take place in puberty. Not pretending periods don't happen to their pupils! The fact that this has forced her withdrawal from sports day is even worse, children should be enabled to join in physical activity and this stupid bag policy has created this problem.

As for all the creative suggestions - please, she shouldn't have to mess about with pads hidden inside extra pencil cases or sewn into the inside or her clothing! That is not how it works as an adult, thank god! We have our choice of protection in our bags or available in a vending machine in the toilets.

OP, could you approach a member of the PTA or parent council, anonymously if necessary? Or is there really no way you could even quietly mention this to a sensitive teacher?

I am also shocked and angered that it has not occurred to any teacher that this might be a problem. Surely some of them/their wives/their daughters started their periods around your dd's age?

When I had a period at work I always put my tampon in a pocket rather than take my bag to the loo. Everyone knows when a lady takes her bag to the toilet it means she has her period don't they?

As for all the creative suggestions - please, she shouldn't have to mess about with pads hidden inside extra pencil cases or sewn into the inside or her clothing

Of course she shouldn't have to but as the OP wont talk to the school because her daughter has asked her not to, and no other parent or teacher seems to have highlighted it, these are suggestions that would help the OPs daughter benefit from her education, rather than having days off every month or spending the whole day on one towel, which apparently doesn't matter when she has black clothing on

FWIW OP, whilst black tights and skirts might not show blood stains, they will do nothing to mask the metallic smell, and won't help your daughter if she sits on a paler coloured chair/bus seat, surely?

I said to dd, 11, who is very private about this type of thing... What would you have done today (it was sports day for her too, same rule about bags) if you'd had your period?'. She said god, I dunno, and I told her about this thread and her jaw dropped. 'that's just so wrong, to keep her off school!'. I said yeah but it's a tricky situation, isnt it, what do you think you'd do? And she said, well, you'd have to tell a teacher, wouldn't you?

I said, but you aren't always that keen to talk about it, are you? And she reminded me she had had to tell the swimming teacher in her very first week that she couldn't do swimming. She even got a bloody code in her planner for not having alternative PE kit that week! Point is, she's survived.

she said, well, you'd have to tell a teacher, wouldn't you?

It's lovely that your DD has the confidence and a sufficiently good relationship with the staff to know that she would be able to raise this subject with them.

I suspect that this doesn't apply to all 11 year olds.

It was two weeks into a new term at a new school with a member of staff shed never met... She didn't want to, but she knew she had to! She knows I wouldnt ring and and tell a lie saying she was ill when she wasn't, and she'd think that was a bad idea.

As I say, it wasn't a positive thing for her. The PE teacher punished her for not having brought alternative kit! But even after that, she was staggered that someone in the same position would be kept home from school.