to keep DD off school due to her period

[FrameyMcFrame]

It's school sports day today and DD (11) has just come on to her period.

This would be ok normally but the school has a rule that you have to leave your school bag in the classroom so DD logistically can't change her sanitary towel at school unless she gets it out of her bag and carries it in her hand along to the loos.
Obviously she is too embarrassed to do this so she always comes home in a bit of a mess when she is on her period at school. With it being sports day, this is going to be a problem with changing and the embarrassment associated so I've decided to keep her at home today. AIBU? And what should I say to the school as a reason for her absence?

[marriedinwhiteagain]

Well done OP but I think this needs a gentle letter. Just explain what your daughter has faced and how hjard you have found it to deal with and note that others might feel the same. Does your dd have any friends in a similar boat whose mums you could join forces with?

[shewhowines]

This is ridiculous. Yes, they've made arrangements for your DD now, but what about every other poor girl who has to do things in secret or who haven't stared yet and will have to go through what your DD has.

By the end of year 8, virtually every girl will be having periods. This is totally unacceptable. Write a letter to the LEA and copy it to the head and governors. It is not acceptable at all. Someone needs to do something. You don't need to tell DD you are escalating it. Let her think it's over now.

[GrimmaTheNome]

DD seems happy with that arrangement but she went nuts with me when she found out I'd phoned school...

You were absolutely right to phone, well done! - how else did your DD think there would ever be a solution, telepathy? Please try to get her to understand that while its completely normal for girls to be shy about their periods, it's a simple bodily function function that all healthy women do, and it's nothing to be ashamed of.

Hopefully some of her pals will start soon and then she'll be the wise woman of the group who knows what to do!

[farmersdaughter]

So please you have something sorted for your DD. What a relief for her, even if she did freak!

However this surely is only a short term solution? I agree that you should escalate this ridiculous notion of locking loos and the basic lack of common sense of being applied to the loo's in general to the board of governors cc head teacher, school nurse and possibly the head of the PTA.

[girliefriend]

Your dds school sounds insane and do they seriously expect a child to explain to a teacher every time they have their period?!

It is ridiculous.

It sounds like something out of 1913 not 2013!!

How about making girls feel confident about their bodies and independent in managing their own periods, ffs its not rocket science!!

[garlicsmutty]

Sounds like the head teacher would like a purdah block next to the medical room

[SlumberingDormouse]

I agree with the general opinion. Even as a grown woman with thankfully easy-to-manage periods, the thought of not being able to access a toilet whenever I need to makes me shudder! Also, perhaps a silly question, but what would happen if someone needed to vomit or had diarrhoea when the toilets were locked?! It just seems insane.

[FrameyMcFrame]

Yes apparently there was vandalism last week and 100s of pounds of damage were done.
So the loos are locked apart from at break and lunch. So that means after school time when they've just had 2 hours of lessons there are no loos available. Unless you ask a teacher.
DP said soon they will have someone wetting themselves.

[teacherandguideleader]

Our toilets are locked but children can ask at reception for key - they sign for the key so easy to see who is responsible for damage.

In my experience, girls are generally not bothered about talking about periods - usually it is a case of TMI.

If your daughter has heavy periods, make an appointment with her form tutor or head of year and ask for a toilet pass for her - there is usually a designated loo by first aid.

Not sure if you ever sorted the bag issue, but if I'm ever on an activity where I can't take a bag I stuff one in my bra.

[garlicsmutty]

I'm glad I went to school hundreds of years ago and not now! I've never had the strongest bladder and, while I had a really late onset (prob due to anorexia,) about half the class was menstruating by 12yo. You just put your hand up to be excused to the loo and there were Dr White's machines, bins and incinerators.

Irrelevant to this thread but, when I finally did get a period in the middle of double Spanish, the rest of the class clocked my blood-soaked skirt and cheered

[Pannacotta2013]

Good on you Framey for talking to the school about this, you are a cheerleader for girls and womens rights and a good role model!