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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to keep DD off school due to her period

236 replies

FrameyMcFrame · 05/07/2013 07:46

It's school sports day today and DD (11) has just come on to her period.

This would be ok normally but the school has a rule that you have to leave your school bag in the classroom so DD logistically can't change her sanitary towel at school unless she gets it out of her bag and carries it in her hand along to the loos.
Obviously she is too embarrassed to do this so she always comes home in a bit of a mess when she is on her period at school. With it being sports day, this is going to be a problem with changing and the embarrassment associated so I've decided to keep her at home today. AIBU? And what should I say to the school as a reason for her absence?

OP posts:
Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 05/07/2013 09:34

YANBU at all. I understand why some PPs have suggested tucking a pad into a bra or waistband but at that age, I would have been mortified had it fallen out!

I agree with the PPs that say keep your DD off and get the school to change the stupid rule.

LadyFlumpalot · 05/07/2013 09:36

My workplace used to have this rule, or rather my particular team did as we had a particularly snotty team leader. All bags must stay tucked under your desk unless leaving for lunch.

I had a box of tampons in my desk drawer. Got one out one day and announced I was going to be away from my desk (also a requirement as a very call heavy office so had to say I was away from desk).

Boss said on a snippy tone "and just what are you doing? What is in your hand?" So I wordlessly waved the tampon at him. He went an interesting blotchy colour and since then he turns a blind eye to us ladies taking our bags to the loo!

I would say that your daughters school needs to revise the rules, or as suggested above provide a selection of towels/tampons in the loos.

CrapBag · 05/07/2013 10:12

YABU.

You knew this was the rule so presumably you knew it could be a possibility in advance. You should have already approached the school about it instead of waiting until the day then deciding to keep your DD home. So what of the majority of children don't like sports day, does that mean we should find reasons for them to be off school that day as well.

I understand your DD doesn't want to advertise the fact that she is on her period, even now I wouldn't want to do that. But given the school rule about bags this should have been dealt with long before now as surely your DD is not the only girl at the school to have her periods.

GrimmaTheNome · 05/07/2013 10:14

good for you, Lady Flump! I wish we could normalise people just getting out a tampon and not feeling the need to hide it - but that sort of change in attitude has to start with adults or older teens not little girls.

Crinkle77 · 05/07/2013 10:19

Lady flump what sort of place did you work in? That sounds like hell being treated like children.

specialsubject · 05/07/2013 10:44

ditto. Stupid rule. Don't they know that girls have periods and need to deal with them discreetly?

having to stay home because of a period is a 19th century situation. Get the rule changed.

Jan49 · 05/07/2013 10:49

Is she in her final year at the school? I'm just thinking that she might not have this problem at the school again if she's leaving. But the school obviously needs to work something out.

HairpinsAndLacquer · 05/07/2013 10:56

I used to wear two pairs of knickers and tuck a spare pad between them at the front. Obviously not ideal, but it works well enough!

You need to have a word with the school though, ask what they suggest. If nobody's ever told them, they genuinely might not realise it's a problem.

Original poster
FrameyMcFrame · 05/07/2013 11:28

I think the ideas of tucking pads in places is not going to work... especially on sports day when they're running and jumping around!!! Falling out on the track would not be a good idea.
Pencil case...what if someone opens it? Embarrassment

OP posts:
Original poster
FrameyMcFrame · 05/07/2013 11:29

She's read this thread now and she is shouting 'PLEASE don't speak to the school!'
It's not easy being 11. I think I will speak to my health visitor and see if she can speak to the school

OP posts:
zzzzz · 05/07/2013 11:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

trinity0097 · 05/07/2013 11:41

I used to have a small bag to put towels in, a suitably sized pencil case would do and wouldn't look too weird to be carrying around school.

thebody · 05/07/2013 11:46

Ah middle schools here too. My dd started at 11 but others had before her. Don't tell your dd but obviously talk to the school about it.

Surprised they aren't clued up to be honest as our middle school was great. 11 seems normal age now bless.

Oh and keep her off, sunbathe and enjoy.

GrimmaTheNome · 05/07/2013 11:48

Pencil case with tiny decorative padlock?

Lancelottie · 05/07/2013 11:53

I bet some of her friends have started, you know!

Framey'sDD -- honestly, you're not the only one. DD would also rather die than mention periods to anyone (and indeed expects me to guess whether she needs more towels without ever actually saying the word).

Sometimes it's no fun being 11.

Avondale · 05/07/2013 11:53

Can she keep towel in coat pocket and go and get it from there on her way to toilet ? What do other girls do? Has she spoke to her friends or can you speak to friends Mums?

eurozammo · 05/07/2013 11:53

It's complete overkill to involve the health visitor. Just talk to the school! At middle school age, she won't be the only pupil with this issue.

We have no rules here about bags, but rather than lug my giant handbag to the loos, I tend to pop sanpro in a pocket/sleeve/top of tights in my office and then go.

ConsiderablyBiggerBuns · 05/07/2013 11:57

My DD started her periods at 10. She went to a very small primary school and the new male headmaster/teacher hadn't had a lot of experience with this side of things, also DD was quite reserved socially and hated the idea of a) growing up at all and b) being singled out in any way. When her second period arrived she had swimming scheduled for the next day and she was distraught, wanting to stay home sick. I did explain that she couldn't start missing school for what was a natural part of her life as a woman and said I would have to speak to her teacher about her missing swimming. She reluctantly agreed. he was lovely, said' sorry to hear she has forgotten her kit tomorrow but remind her to bring a book' Wink. What I'm trying to say is at that age it is very much up to the school to help smooth what can be a uncomfortable time and I hope for the sake of your DD and all the others at your school that you follow this up to make life a little easier.

frissonpink · 05/07/2013 12:01

Sew her a pocket inside her skirt - definitely.

This is ridiculous though! Reminds me of my all girls private school - however, that was back in 1984! It's 2013 for goodness sake.

I also used to always wear my gym knickers over my normal knickers - felt safer somehow!

happygirl87 · 05/07/2013 12:12

I think keeping her off today was good. However, if school goes up to year 8, that's 13 years old- lots of girls will have started by then, surely?

Framey's daughter if you're reading this- my mum had to go into my primary school and make them put a sanitary bin in the toilets, as there wasn't one in any pupils' loos in the school (can only assume I was first girl in whole school to start?!) and they had originally suggested I use the staff room toilets at those time. I can still remember the Blush However, she spoke to a really sympathetic female teacher, who dealt with the whole thing very discretely, and it made my life so much easier.

Framey if at all poss see if you can source a skirt with a pocket (Or could you attach a pocket to the inside?!) My mum managed to find one, and then gave me a little case to keep a towel in, so even if it fell out it wouldnt automatically be obvious what it was.

whiteandyellowiris · 05/07/2013 12:17

i'd keep my dd off in the situation and have a really fun day.

perhaps a dvd and snacks or even a nice day out somewhere

Lancelottie · 05/07/2013 12:32

Happygirl, my dad had to argue the case for sanitary bins (and separate girls'/boys' loos) in his primary school when he was a very new young head teacher.

Mum says he apparently blushed like mad when trying to explain it to the governing body but got through his speech manfully and won his case.

The previous (female) head was apparently the sort of old-school dragon in whose presence no girl would dare mention or even have a period.

eddiemairswife · 05/07/2013 12:37

I'm surprised that a middle school hasn't come across this situation before and understands the problem some girls have. Perhaps it has an all male staff!!! I remember our Y6s having THE talk from the school nurse and one of the boys complaining afterwards that it wasn't fair that only the girls had been given goody bags.

bigTillyMint · 05/07/2013 14:08

It is totally ludicrous that a middle school doest appear to have facilities. MAKE A FUSS!!! Without your DD knowing, of courseSmile

lljkk · 05/07/2013 14:17

Do update, OP.

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