to keep DD off school due to her period

[FrameyMcFrame]

It's school sports day today and DD (11) has just come on to her period.

This would be ok normally but the school has a rule that you have to leave your school bag in the classroom so DD logistically can't change her sanitary towel at school unless she gets it out of her bag and carries it in her hand along to the loos.
Obviously she is too embarrassed to do this so she always comes home in a bit of a mess when she is on her period at school. With it being sports day, this is going to be a problem with changing and the embarrassment associated so I've decided to keep her at home today. AIBU? And what should I say to the school as a reason for her absence?

[StuntGirl]

I'm sorry OP but she is a child, you have to be the adult here and speak to the school. Policy will not change otherwise. All these ideas of extra knickers and hidden pockets and oversized pencil cases are nice, but they're essentially unneccessary work arounds for a ridiculous and ill thought out policy. It's the policy that needs changing, and quite franky they're likely to just feel embarrassed and silly at not having seen this one coming, and find a solution for you (and every other girl in this situation).

They're hardly going to have an assembly announcing your daughter has started her periods are they? No one will know any change in rules has anything to do with your daughter, and life will be immediately better for her.

And before anyone accuses me of not knowing the bitter mortification of a primary child dealing with periods; been there, done that.

[2rebecca]

I agree with stunt girl. if the problem is bad enough for your daughter to not want to go to school on sports day then it's bad enough to mention to the school. Despite your daughter's comments it's highly unlikely that she's the only menstruating girl in the school.
Whether or not you mention it to the school shouldn't be her decision. I wouldn't have shown her the thread.

[Bythebeach]

Can she double up with tampon and towel and then just take tampon out going to the loo halfway through the day? This has worked for me in bagless situations!!

[aliasjoey]

The school nurse suggested to DDs class that they use a large pencil-case to hide a pad or tampon in.

They also practised dipping tampons in a glass of water to watch them swell up...

[rowtunda]

Seriously? you are going to keep your dd off school because of her period!!! And you have lied to school saying she is ill?

What a terrible example to set your daughter

[FryOneFatManic]

The easiest solution of all, is for the rule requiring bags to be left in form classroom to be scrapped.

If all the children, girls and boys, carried their bags to each lesson it would:

a) ensure the girls could be as discreet as they liked,
b) also provide less of an opportunity for theft. I doubt the form classrooms are locked when the children are not in there.

DD and most of her friends started periods in Y7. She'd have been absolutely mortified at the thought of having to deal with sanitary protection in the way the OP's child is having to.

Girls are beginning periods at a younger age, and the school needs to deal with this.

[valiumredhead]

No it's terrible that the dd is put in this situation

I think an email to the head would be a good idea, this issue needs high lighting asap.

[valiumredhead]

Ds is at middle school and they carry bags to lessons just like at high school.

[IvanaCake]

I started my periods at 10 and it was fine. My mum had a discreet word with my teacher and everything was sorted

[eurozammo]

Isn't the average age for starting periods now 13? So in the year 8s, you would expect about half the girls to have started? Reassure your daughter she is not as unique as she thinks.

I would also wager that 1/4 of the year 8s have not stayed home today because they have their periods.

[Quangle]

Your DD should not be having to manage this at all. Special pockets and all that...really good ideas but all this is not her problem. She's only a little thing and should not be having to make special arrangements and risk being 'found out' because of a stupid policy. I tuck tampax up my sleeve to get from my desk to the toilet but children shd not have to worry about this.

[frogspoon]

Isn't the average age for starting periods now 13? So in the year 8s, you would expect about half the girls to have started?

Actually I think it's 12. So the majority of year 8 girls and about half of year 7 (and a smaller proportion of year 6 and 5) will have started.

But it can still be quite distressing for someone who has only recently started and is insecure.

[PeterParkerSays]

girlywhirly bit of a side issue but your post upthread said:

"But I think also that menstruation is something that girls should learn to cope with and not use as an excuse to get out of physical activity, which will actually benefit them during a period (with the exception of swimming in a swimming pool out of consideration for others)"

Why do you think that menstruating women / girls shouldn't swim "out of consideration for others"?

[GrimmaTheNome]

I bet quite a few of the other year 7 and many year 8s are carrying large or additional 'pencil cases'. Which other children of this age don't go prying into uninvited on a regular basis and don't notice.

There may be some sensible reason for not wanting the kids to cart their bags around school.

[Dackyduddles]

Another vote for keeping her off. Then slap ht with a cold fish. Idiot - is it male?

[Dackyduddles]

I expect its so no stealing? Tripping on sports field?

[EMUZ]

I just bought some Bodyform pads this week in Waitrose and they have a really thin tin free with them that holds pads. That would fit in a pencil case?

[SecondStarToTheRight]

Would your daughter like me to make her a pretty small fabric purse to keep in her pencil case to put her pads in?

That's what I used in school and still have in my handbag.

If so, let me know and next time I have the sewing machine up I will make her one.

[Reastie]

YANBU. Too late I know but does she wear a bra? I keep a towel in my bra when I've got AF in case of emergencies and if for whatever reason I don't have a bag with me at a loo trip. The school might not have thought about this before, I'd tell them the real reason for her absence so they can change how it's organised in future to save any other girls having the same worries.

[thebody]

As said up thread our middle school was very clued up and when dd started at 11 she was by no means the first.

I can't believe she's the first to start as in dds case lots started at 10/11

My dd went from pads to tampons in 2 periods so could swim and do games. She hated pads as do I.

Defiantly chat to the school but again Amazed at this predicament.

[Kafri]

i'd put money on the head, or whoever made that rule, being male!!!

Defo have a chat with HT about how --silly- impractical the rule is. They must b ale to come up with some solution to save her having to parade sanitary wear down the corridor.

if the HT happens to be female, i'd be tempted to ask her to walk around with a sign telling everyone she's on her period and see if she likes it

[garlicnutty]

I remember our Y6s having THE talk from the school nurse and one of the boys complaining afterwards that it wasn't fair that only the girls had been given goody bags.

Hahaha, eddie He can't have been listening!

I should let your mum raise the matter with the school, Framey's DD, so it can be dealt with more sensibly in the future, and for the sake of other girls who're starting their periods.

I used to have such ridiculous, and unpredictable, periods that I couldn't get into work without breaking my journey to change. My horrible, shouty boss was totally unsympathetic about why this made me late for work although I had explained to his PA about the flooding. He was having a go at me one morning, booming "My wife has period pains! She doesn't lie in bed moaning!" I'd had enough so I yelled back, "IT'S NOT ABOUT PAIN, I AM BLEEDING LIKE A BATTLEFIELD! I'M WEARING THREE TAMPONS AND A PAD, DO YOU WANT TO HAVE A LOOK?" Just before the rest of the (very large) office collapsed in giggles, he went very red & stuttery
Mind you, so did I

[Umlauf]

I don't understand why so many people have advised you to keep her off school OP (nor why you have done so). If her normal uniform doesn't have pockets then what does the fact it is sports day have to do with anything? Are you going to keep her off for a few days every month?

If you won't speak to the school (which a parent is going to have to do) because your child will be embarrassed, you need to have some plan in place for her future periods at this school, and unless today is the first day of her first ever period, you should have done so sooner. Sewing a little pocket into the lining of her skirt/trousers would take seconds.

Keeping her off school because you don't deem sports day to be important enough, and lying to the school about it is sending her a terrible message. Sorry, but YABU.

[TheOriginalSteamingNit]

SOrry, I agree with Umlauf. I think ringing in sick was a bad call, and really unhelpful to everyone. This is a thoughtless policy, and it needs changing, but wimping out is no use to anyone.

I too have an 11 year old who is mortified by periods, but I wouldn't have gone for this option: if you'd rung the school, they weren't going to shout it out of the megaphone to everyone. They know girls have periods, and I would imagine they'd just be embarrassed not to have thought of a way around this sooner.

[starfishmummy]

When I was at school (girls school) each loo block had one large cubicle with it's own basin and the incinerator. No one would go in there ever, even to the extent of waiting in a big queue, because it advertised that you had a period. Back then it easy quite usual to flush your pads and tampons, so we just used a regular cubicle. Must have caused a few blockages!!