please give me your opinions about mother approaching dh on school run..

[wintertimeisfun]

would you have alarm bells rining if your partner/dh told you a women he often sees on school run (he shares it with me due to my job) & exchange smiles (as one does with many of the other mums to be friendly) has approached him asking him if he wants to be her 'cycling buddy' as she has seen him cycling. he said he was quite taken aback as he doesn't know her and has only smiled to before. possibly she thinks he is single etc or it could be literally just what she suggests although she could have approached anyone. tbh i wouldn't go upto someone else's partner at the school gate and ask them if they want to come with me to ie the gym or on a trip to do what i do for a living (if i had heard he was also into the same thing). opinions please... i am not very comfortable with it (or he) and i am not a posessive type, quite the opposite normally

I wouldn't like it tbh. These 'well something would only happen if your DH was a knob, so if he's not you don't need to worry' - for me, I'm also freaked out by women being predatory around my DH - I know they're not going to succeed but I just find it so... distasteful and 'letting down the sisterhood'.

There's a mum at DSs school who's a bit weird with DH - for instance, DH only picks DS up from school on the first Thursday of every month when I'm usually away. She has phoned him to ask if he could get her kids scooter that they'd forgotten and bring it to park. He did - so far, so normal. It kept happening - always something normal, but only on the first Thursday of the month, and only when DH was alone. She's never called me. Then she called on a 'first Thursday in the month' and asked if he could pick up her kids as she was stuck at work and she'd arrive and pick them up with a bottle of wine for DH and her to share while the kids play. He said 'Well becstar's not away like she usually is, she's working at home, so I'll check whether she minds us having you and your kids over' and suddenly she didn't need them picked up any more and 'oh well, we'll do it another time.' What's really strange about it is that we haven't told her or anyone else at the school that it's only the first Thursday of every month - she must have figured it out as she always phones on that day, always phones DH, has never phoned me to check whether it's me that day... She must have sat down with a flippin' calendar and worked out the pattern of when he's at school! She doesn't look me in the eye and if I say 'hello' she only replies if DH is with me.

She freaks me out. Not because I think DH would sleep with her but because she's clearly a loon, right there in the PTA selling cupcakes at the bake sale...

update - things seem heaps better this morning :). turns out dh felt really upset that he had upset me, i wasn't proud of how i was feeling either despite still standing by why i felt like that. neither of us slept much. i got in from work (about 8:50am) to find him already home as he is usually doing the school run then, i didn't want to bump into him :-D , turns out he didn't want to bump into her so he took dd to school really early to avoid her. i told him he can't avoid her and that i felt mostly hurt that he had taken her number even though i knew he felt uncomfortable. he said he never wanted to go cycling with her in the first place and that this had come from nowhere, i was more resentful that i was put in the uncomfortable postiion blah blah. he said (i didn't demand) he would just tell her if she called/bumped into her that he didn't really want a cycling partner as he likes to be free to do his own speeds (i would feel like this too, hate trolling around doing my job with someone in tow) and that he felt to awkward to tell her this when she asked him initially. one good thing, good excuse for make up sex later :-D still not looking forward to seeing her although as far as i know she doesn't know i exist (or care..?). and eys, it may have been innocent anyway but still leaves a bad taste with me to ask another father at the school gate that you don't know if they want to go off cycling with you as i wouldn't do it

becs that is the kind of shite that would wind me up something rotten. i agree, its not so much that you think your partner would fall for them, more their arrogence/lack of respect to just step in although some women do get a buz going after someone that is already spoken for. what does you OH think ie does he think it is your imagination or has he noticed too?

He agreed that she must have sat down with a calendar because apart from that one fixed point of the first Thursday of every month DH and I's schedules are completely irregular (we're both freelance) but I do the majority of pick ups. So for her to call him, not me (she has my number), and to only call him on that day she'd have had to figure out that there was one set day a month where I was likely to be away. At which point DH said 'Brrr... Freak!'. It didn't occur to him that she'd want him for his body!! he just said he could imagine her in a psychopath's lair surrounded by the calendar of everyone in the school figuring out where they all were and what they were doing, watching everyone. I pointed out that she doesn't say 'hello' to me when I see her alone, and he just said 'Yup, like I said, FREAK!' I haven't pressed the point tbh, but I keep a weather eye on her at school events, like you'd watch a stray dog that was foaming at the mouth...

What a brazen hussy becs

I would have to smile really sweetly and say hi in overly nice way when I was with DH if this was me. Let her know you are onto her.

OP, glad your DH is going to knock it on the head. She can always ask one of the other mums if she genuinely wants a cycling partner, which I doubt very much.

It would be quite hard to seduce someone on a bike surely. I would have suggested a sweaty run or just a nice lie down to rest in a nice big bed. Or going for a drink. She's not a very accomplished Hussy.

Even the most incompetent of husbands could fend that off.

I have asked a husband I don't know that well to come and watch the rugby with us in a bar on Saturday. I am a Jezebel. I am planning to pounce on him at half time when the kids aren't looking.

I once asked a husband (or maybe partner, don't know if they're married) if he fancied coming to a concert with me, as both our partners loathe the type of music it was. In the end we were both too knackered to manage it, but his delightful partner didn't appear to think that I was about to rip his clothes from his body. And mine was just overwhelming relieved at not being subjected to the evening himself.

not the same thing spending time with someone else's partner if you already know them (even if just a bit). both the two previous posters have made reference to either spending time with someone else's partner or asking someone else's partner to spend time with them AND their OH, n BUT in both instances it was made aware that you already knew them/their partners to some extent, not the same thing as going upto a stranger at the school gate, not the same bloody thing at all. as for thinking that riding a bike isn't a way of seducing someone. ffs ever heard of using something as an escuse to make an introduction. there is always going for a drink after/stopping and sitting during the ride. only a slapper would go upto someone they wanted to seduce and say 'excuse me, would you like to fuck me'

Dunno about alarm bells, but if they've never spoken prior to this, to ask him to commit to (presumably) a long term thing sounds just a bit strange.

I'd not think twice if everyone was on mutually friendly chatty terms to begin with.

fuz i agree, we both already have friends of the opposite sex and spend time alone with them without the OH being there

I know I'm poking fun a little winter but I'm single. Contrary to what many of you think it is perfectly normal for a single woman to pass the time of day with a man - even one they don't know. It's how you meet people, make friends and even get a shag boyfriend.

The man in question can either say "yes that would be nice" or "no thank you I'm worried you have ulterior motives at some point down the line" - all perfectly normal.

I wouldn't personally ask someone to be a "bike buddy" but I don't get all the shocked gasps and hoiked bosoms about it - she is either single and is confident enough to approach someone she likes the look of or is genuinely looking for someone to ride to school and back with. Either way she hasn't done anything wrong. you DH on the other hand is a married man who seems convinced that she has designs on him and he still said yes then GAVE HER HIS NUMBER!!!!

If the situation were reversed and a nice looking young man in the playground asked you to coffee/bike ride/run - wouldn;t you just be a bit flattered and say "tempting but no thanks my DH gets first dibs on my free time"

Would you really say yes, give him your number and then blame him for being a suave seducer? Really?!

Why is she getting the pursed lips treatment not him?

with the way that she approached him ie him not having really known her i would have been edgy still had i known she was in a relationship (i don't know if she is or isn't). fwiw my closest female friend is single (& attractive) and hangs out at our house with me & sometimes dh, never comes into my mind that this could be a problem although i am aware of how some women in relationships may view a single women

btw you have twisted/exagerated it somewhat. i never said he was convinced she had designs on him, only that he thought it was a bit odd & made him feel uncomfortable. he gave her his number as he was taken aback and didn't know what to say. he could hardly say, sorry luv but i am married . i have given out my number a fair few times when i didn't really want to purely because i was put on the spot. i never said she was after him either come to think of it, just that it was odd and that she may have been but i was always aware that she may have just been a free spirit and was looking for a cycling partner blah blah. i've moved on from it now anyway, so has he. i still wouldn't go up to another dad at the school gate that i didn't know and ask him to go and hang out with me. i don't think many would, in a bar etc scenario yes, but school gate? no

just read the last bit of your thread, i was pissed off with him for taking her number actually. but in knowing his personality i can imagine him reacting like that and giving it. i am confident and outspoken but yet i doubt i would have replied with what you suggested above if i had been asked for my number, easier to give the number and then deal with it later ie hope nothing comes of it (as does often happen when for whatever reason you give your number to someone when you didn't want to).

Come off it, Wintertime, you've said at some length that you 'have never really trusted females' and don't like women much...

The best-looking dad - a really drop-dead gorgeous musician of terrific charm - at the school gate asked for my email recently. Obviously I supplied him with it...and then realised, with no particular surprise, that he wanted to put me on his mailing list. (He is married to a model of stunning gorgeousness, who is as lovely as he is. They inspire a mix of hideous envy and disarmed admiration.)

YANBU very dodgy. I'm not the jealous type but I would have felt the same as you.

It would have been worse and more likely to succeed, if she had taken it a bit slower and just started chatting about cycling, before building up to asking him to go with her. That was her mistake and your good fortune.

true, i did say that and still stand by it but not as a result of a male past thing, i just don't like females that much. so what. don't overly trust them either, far less complicated and more laid back in my experience being around males (and not other peoples), and yes, i do have the odd female friend one of which i am very close. btw why 'obviously' did you supply your email address to a man you knew was married. just becaue he was bloody good looking? a musician? wouldn't make any difference to me if he looked like bloody brad pitt i wouldn't have given it to him unless it was specifically for something ie work

Oh, he's delightful. Clearly sadly did not want it for purposes of propositioning me. I'm not precious about my email, dammit. I have very rarely received torrid missives on it. More's the pity. Certainly not from someone who's married to a woman who is a dead ringer for a goddess.

As adults it's harder to make friends than as children. Maybe because they are on smiling terms she thought it would be ok? Maybe the other cycling mums are too stuck up to even approach. I really wanted to find a running buddy but found it really hard to approach people.

That said though it is a little weird, I wouldn't feel overly comfortable if it was my DH in all honesty. It shouldn't be, as I doubt it would be an AIBU if another dad asked; it's just another sad reflection on our society.

just because his wife is a beauty doesn't mean she is nice and that he is happy....... sidelining here but why do the big rock stars near on ALWAYS marry models? i lost all respect i had for eadie vedder when i read one day that he was married to one. whilst i can see the attaction about waking up in the morning to a beautiful women, just seems a bit naff really. i always have a certain amount of admiration when i see a really good looking bloke walking along clearly in love with his partner who is somewhat plain in comparison :)

i know ido. there is of course a large element of animal instinct going on though, someone of the opposite sex coming possibly too close, goes both ways with male and females sometimes. dh and i do have (mostly..) laid back personalities, i have at times unerved him a bit because of someone (through my job) that may have crossed my path (if they are good looking). believe it or not goes over my head pretty girls hanging around re his work, just something about the possibility of an admirer on your doorstep. i am not angry about it anymore, funny how something can really wind you up one day and then not so much the next, i am due on though...

i always have a certain amount of admiration... I'm a little by that comment.

Sounds like it winter. Is it wine o'clock yet for you?

She is absolutely lovely, actually. I like her. (But then I like lots of women.)

The first above comment was a x-post