please give me your opinions about mother approaching dh on school run..

[wintertimeisfun]

would you have alarm bells rining if your partner/dh told you a women he often sees on school run (he shares it with me due to my job) & exchange smiles (as one does with many of the other mums to be friendly) has approached him asking him if he wants to be her 'cycling buddy' as she has seen him cycling. he said he was quite taken aback as he doesn't know her and has only smiled to before. possibly she thinks he is single etc or it could be literally just what she suggests although she could have approached anyone. tbh i wouldn't go upto someone else's partner at the school gate and ask them if they want to come with me to ie the gym or on a trip to do what i do for a living (if i had heard he was also into the same thing). opinions please... i am not very comfortable with it (or he) and i am not a posessive type, quite the opposite normally

[merrymouse]

Surely, in this day and age, with people doing triathlons right left and centre, if you are short of other people to cycle with you join a club or hang out at a bike shop.

I would think it was a bit creepy if a man came up to me and asked me to be his 'cycling buddy' and to be honest, I'd think it was a bit strange if another mum asked me to be her 'cycling buddy' if we'd never previously struck up a conversation and she had just seen me on my bike. I wouldn't necessarily think there was a sexual motive, but I would be thinking that I'd like to get to know them a bit before committing to 'buddyness'.

[Salmotrutta]

Well, tbh mrsravelstein I do know my DH isn't interested in other women.

He is not, and never has been, flirty or a "player".

[Cherriesarelovely]

I haven't read all the posts, sorry! If you are both uncomfortable then it's probably best if he declines. It is quite possible that she is just being friendly and wants to do some cycling but if you both feel a bit weird about it then say no.

Fwiw I started chatting to lovely friendly man in our local shop. He is very open and out going like me. One day I stopped to chat to him and asked him how he was going to spend the bank holiday to which he replied "Oh, I'm going to be chilling out with my WIFE" really obviously! He didn't speak to me for ages after that.....untill he saw me with my own wife and realised I was in fact a friendly lesbian, not interested in him in that way at all! He talks to me again now!

Sorry....I digressed!

[WhiteBirdBlueSky]

Does he wear a wedding ring?

[LaRegina]

if someone handsome made a play for me and i innocently went with him to something i do regularly yes, i could fall inlove with him

OP that's just not how it is IMO. If you love (and are committed to) the person you're with then you're not just going to randomly fall in love with someone else because they happen to be there, handsome or not. And neither will your H if he's happy with and committed to you, whether she is pretty or not.

But having said that, her motives sound a bit suspect to me, so I would want my H (in that situation) to send her on her bike, so to speak, just because I wouldn't believe her motives were genuine.

[mrsravelstein]

because only "flirty" men have affairs?? ha! so it's just them and the ones that have the 'cheating bastard' t shirt we need to avoid. easy!

[Harryhairypig]

No I wouldn't like it, I'd feel like you do, and for the reasons mrs ravelstein said. Sometimes you have to protect your faithfulness by not putting yourself in he sort of positions that can lead to affairs, shared hobbies and interests that exclude the wife being one of them. It's not on that she asked him, the fact she did means he should definitely steer clear of her.

[FelineFurry]

My partner has a female cycling buddy. She's married. They met at the gym, they got chatting and he offered to assist her training for her first triathlon.

Hasn't bothered me in the slightest as I trust DP. As it turned out, by chance, she works for the same company as me and she was able to help me out with some work related issues. I've never met her though. Just e-mailed her.

[wintertimeisfun]

he does wear a wedding ring. to the poster who suggested i am smug, this i am not but i am (apart from this afternoon) happy. no big deal but i guess listing the fact that we have a happy marriage might seem smug but it isn't, quite normal to be in a happy relationship. he ain't no model but (i think) good looking, again, so what. we aren't rich, house pretty average etc etc, it's not smug to mention the positives in your life when discussing the fact that you are stresssed about some shit that is going on around you in the last few hours, apologies if i come over as smug as i'm not. just being happy thinking things are pretty good (nothing special about us, pretty average really, just because he plays in a band who are reasonably successful, that wasn't a name drop, i mentioned it because alot of people don't find it easy being in a relationship with a musician, i never found it a problem, that is why i mentioned it). but we are pretty average folks, at least we were until this afternoon, now i am standing back looking at it

[MoominMammasHandbag]

My DP is very attractive, sporty, cycles and runs and is on chatting terms with a few women on the school run who have never even spoken to me. We have been together over 20 years and he has never given me any cause to doubt him.
Would I be happy if this situation happened to me? No I bloody wouldn't OP; I would tell him I wasn't happy about it (and then he wouldn't do it) and I would be tempted to have a quiet word with her as well; she is being quite disrespectful to you I think.
The world is full of decent men who have had their heads turned by a pretty face and to think otherwise is naive.

[Emilythornesbff]

I don't buy into the idea that only flirty people or those looking to stray cheat.
It jut isn't true.
Also, it is perfectly possible for a man(or woman for the sake of equity) to love their spouse and fuck someone else, even of that's not what he set out to do.
Men (in particular) can most definitely be "led astray". (IMHO)
Doesn't mean they will but opportunity has a lot to do with it.

And I do trust my DH. But I am neither stupid (well, not about this) nor complacent.

Still. She still just might want a cycle buddy.
What is a cycle buddy?

[Itaintmebabeitaintmeyourlookin]

Just go together to the school, bump into her accidentally on purpose and you say
" I hear you are interested in cycling, is that right?" Then stare a little

She will run

Cheeky so and so

[CrapBag]

If he felt uncomfortable then why on earth did he give her his number?!

[Itaintmebabeitaintmeyourlookin]

Disclaimer
You have to be preferably quite old and stern to carry this off really well

[monicalewinski]

Itaintme
"She will run"
Sounds so sinister!!

[bettykt]

Does he actually want to go cycling with her? If not then he must tell her otherwise she'll be texting like anything and he'll be frantically trying to fob her off. He mustn't go just because she's asked him and he's doesn't want to hurt her feelings as he'll end up hurting your feelings instead. Better to piss her off than you I say. I wouldn't be happy about this in all honesty.

[Cyclebump]

To me it sounds innocent, I'm a bit shocked by some of the responses.

I used to work with a guy who regularly cycled to work. I knew he lived near me so I asked his advice a lot when I got a bike and, when we ran into each other on the route home, we often cycled together. He showed me new routes and it pushed me to do longer and faster routes. We even, shock horror, arranged to meet and cycle in together a couple of times.

He's happily married, so am I. I knitted booties for his first baby. We haven't worked together in years but still see each other at cycle events. His wife knows me as the woman he converted to cycling and, as far as I know, has no problem with it. My DH has never met the guy and couldn't care less.

When you start cycling it is genuinely useful to go on routes with someone who can repair punctures, knows good routes etc. If you're experienced, a cycle buddy can push you to cycle harder and on longer routes.

It could be nothing. If he was going to cheat he never would gave mentioned it to you surely?

[Cyclebump]

Oh and, generally, cycling is male dominated. If she's looking for a serious cycling buddy to train with it could be she doesn't kniw any women at her level.

At my peak (before DS), I cycled 100 miles a week. I mainly cycled with men as there just weren't any other women I knew doing those distances.

[SisterMonicaJoan]

Does this woman "know" who your husband is?

Just wondering if she saw him cycling and thought of that as an "in"?

I wouldn't be comfortable with it tbh. Does he cycle recreationally? Or just as a means to get from A to B?

[Lovelygoldboots]

Although I understand what op is saying I think cyclebump has a point. I have just started doing 30-40 miles at weekend and it is very male dominated. I don't know any women who would do that distance. If I try and fit a run in during week its about 10 miles and that's the limit for most of the women I know. So she really could just want someone to train with.

[merrymouse]

I think the key thing there cycle bump is that you used to work with your cycling friend so he wasn't a complete stranger.

I think in this case it would be more normal to warm up a bit by chatting about bikes and cycle routes or even just suggesting one bike ride.

I'd be a bit nervous of becoming anybody's anything 'buddy' without chatting a bit first. 'Buddy' implies a bit of commitment. Establishing a bit of a relationship beforehand wouldn't make this woman seem more of less suspicious, but I think it would be a bit less weird.

[wintertimeisfun]

cyclebump has some good points. as far as dh is concerned he thinks he can be good to cycle with someone for the reasons listed. he loves cycling and goes on long long distances a few times a week. i know it could be completely innocent, it just doesn't sit well, he appearing to have made a point of trying to get to know him (hooting horn, etc) and then coming up with the cycling idea. i just wouldn't approach someone else's partner when i didn't know them from adam with a view to doing something with them. call me sensitive but it would occurr to me that it might not make their partner never happy. fwiw dh said he wished she had never approached him, he never wanted her to. he felt really awkward and didn't really know what to do so he gave her his number which still pisses me off. he said that he wouldn't cycle on his own with her and that it was his intention to take his other cycle friend with but to me this isn't the point. it is him possibly building a friendship with someone that i see daily on the school run and don't know, would feel really odd and i am pissed off with her for being so forward approachign my partner, can't help how i feel even if she doesn't have any feelings towards him. my partner wouldn't like me going off with a goodlooking male who was single, i know he wouldn't which is why i wouldn't put him in that position

[VitoCorleone]

Well i wouldnt like this one little bit, but i am the jealous type.

[Lovelygoldboots]

Only you know how this seems OP. You don't come across as a crazy person, just trying to establish whether yabu or not. I think yanbu if that is how you feel about her and the way she is acting if that makes sense. Go with your instinct if this is bothering you. She will probably bog off if your husband declines her invites.

[UptheChimney]

Has this been suggested (I'm sure it has!) -- on one of your days doing the school run, you could go up to the woman in question with some story or other about your DH's arrangements. You could add ion "Sorry I can't go on that day, but I'll be along on xyz day to join you both." Then she knows he has a wife, and that you've discussed the cycling.