please give me your opinions about mother approaching dh on school run..

[wintertimeisfun]

would you have alarm bells rining if your partner/dh told you a women he often sees on school run (he shares it with me due to my job) & exchange smiles (as one does with many of the other mums to be friendly) has approached him asking him if he wants to be her 'cycling buddy' as she has seen him cycling. he said he was quite taken aback as he doesn't know her and has only smiled to before. possibly she thinks he is single etc or it could be literally just what she suggests although she could have approached anyone. tbh i wouldn't go upto someone else's partner at the school gate and ask them if they want to come with me to ie the gym or on a trip to do what i do for a living (if i had heard he was also into the same thing). opinions please... i am not very comfortable with it (or he) and i am not a posessive type, quite the opposite normally

YABU. The issue is not this woman nor your husband - its your self esteem and lack of trust.

I wouldn't care if someone (male or female) wanted to go running/cycling/whatever with my partner because I trust him implicitly. And if anyone ever does make a move on him - and its happened in the past - then he just says "Sorry I'm taken" and leaves it at that.

I wouldn't approve of this. Cycling partner today OW tomorrow. She sounds one to be wary of.

"You either think your partners going to fuck someone else, or you don't."

i just don't understand this. i don't THINK my dh would fuck someone else, but what i THINK he might do doesn't in any way impact on what he MIGHT do.

similarly, "trust" is a much bandied about word that means fuck all. i could 'trust' my dh not to have an affair, but that in itself won't stop him doing so. don't get me wrong, i don't spend hours worrying about whether he will or won't, but if some other woman was apparently trying to get off with him, i wouldn't be happily waving them off on cycling or running jaunts.

most women whose DH has an affair seem to be really quite surprised by it and say they never thought he'd do it, they trusted him etc etc

I also want to know what a cycling buddy is. I have been watching the Tour de France - is one of them going to be a domestique?

Wouldn't same sex 'cycling buddies' be a better physical match?

I don't think that the OP's lack of self esteem or trust is in question tbh, it is the fact that a random virtual unknown woman on the school run has approached a bloke to accompany her on bike rides - I know precisely zero women who would do this unless they had a fancy for the guy.

with the excpetion of a few posters most admit they too would be unerved by this. if i can suddenly feel insecure anyone can as i normally am a self confident person who never gave thought to how secure she was in her relationship as it has always been near bloody perfect BUT you can't take anything forgranted. i do trust dh and know he really loves me but i have never really trusted females, always been more of a tomboy. had too many bad experiences involving them when younger and certainly don't trust this one even though she seems nice enough although never spoken to her. if someone handsome made a play for me and i innocently went with him to something i do regularly yes, i could fall inlove with him, which is why i don't like the idea of him hanging out with a younger pretty female who i think has been forward. i wouldn't care if dh was cycling with a female he already knew and ideally was in a relationship. dh has had many close female friendships over the years but he knew them and i did too. we are very independant people, he goes out and i don't go with and vice versa, i am not a clingy type but this has rocked me big time. how should i feel when i see her tomorrow when i do the school run and yes, it has been said to me by my friend that tongues could wag if they are seen off out cycling. i don't put much importance of what the mothers at the gate think but noone would want people thinking things behind their backs, that is the least of it

I wouldn't like this - and nor would my DP! Just say no!

Wonder why she didn't approach one of the other Mothers. That wouldn't be on her agenda I don't suppose. Most people who are deceived are quite shocked and thought there partner would be the very last person to do such a think. Take nothing for granted. That's my philosophy.

And completely agree with mrsravelstein and others re trust and affairs. It's not just untrustworthy liars that have affairs, many many trusting women (and men) have been genuinely shocked when its happened to them. There but for the grace of god etc go all of us.

She's already admitted she wouldn't care if it was a man and made multiple references to how pretty this woman is, as well as admitting she herself feels insecure. So, would is matter if she was ugly? Do people never cheat with ugly people?

You either trust your partner or you don't. And if they're a cheating shitbag they're going to do it anyway.

Given the husband himself is uncomfortable with it all he needs to do is say no.

fwiw i would still feel awkward if she was ugly :)

Why does this 'being in a relationship' thing matter? Your husband is in a relationship and you think he could trot off with another woman if only he spent enough time with her (as apparently would you ) The bottom of this is you clearly don't trust either of you with other people of the opposite sex. Very sad.

Quite a few people downscale in affairs StuntGirl, so looks are not an issue - it's the approaching someone you don't know and have never spoken to to ask them to join you in an 'activity' which is odd.

Bloody hell I'm not 'smug' in any way

My ex husband had an affair and fucked off.

And I still stand by what I say - he will either do it or he won't, it doesn't impact how I am.

Current husband knows I would leave if he shagged someone else. It's that simple - he either chooses to not have affairs and stay with me, or he fucks off.

If a woman approached DH to be her cycling partner I'd be dead jealous... dead jealous that she's capable of keeping up with him, that is.

Good luck to her, really.

No idea about this specific situation.
You feel uncomfortable though so I'd run with that and keep an eye out

And three points:

1. Apparently "trustworthy" people can cheat. As others have said.
2. Ppl looking for a fling usually look close to home.

1. Could be she just wants a cycling buddy.

Who knows?

But surely a man can't be "got" if he isn't interested everlong?

a man can only be "got" if he's interested, sure. but the fact that a woman doesn't THINK her man is interested, doesn't mean he's not. you cannot possibly know, for certain, that your partner is not interested. i personally wouldn't cheat on my DH because i strongly suspect that if he found out it would be the end of our relationship. i hope he feels the same. but i certainly don't presume to know whether he is 'get-able' or not.

Fair enough everlong.

OP - I actually liked Indrid's idea. Your DH should go once with her and show her a clean pair of heels by cycling very, very fast. Uphill.

That'll learn her!

I could pretend to be all groovy and think this was fine

Actually I'd assume she fancies him.

And knowing that, if I were him, I wouldn't want to encourage it

My DH's affair began with a 'gym buddy' who he met at my DC's tennis lesson..... but that probably makes me no the best person to answer this.
The fact he has told you means there is nothing to worry about. BUT in answer to your question, yes it is weird that she thinks it is ok to ask him that.
I'd ask your DH if he feels uncomfortable with it to make an excuse to get out of it.

Ugh I just wrote a huge reply and MN ate it :(

Ok I'm going to just rewrite my last paragraph - OP, despite an amazing marriage to an attractive, successful man you love with whom you have no trust issues you are feeling wildly insecure. Why are you feeling so insecure? Is there something which has triggered it? Is there something you can focus on to make yourself feel better?