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AIBU?

please give me your opinions about mother approaching dh on school run..

241 replies

wintertimeisfun · 03/07/2013 16:25

would you have alarm bells rining if your partner/dh told you a women he often sees on school run (he shares it with me due to my job) & exchange smiles (as one does with many of the other mums to be friendly) has approached him asking him if he wants to be her 'cycling buddy' as she has seen him cycling. he said he was quite taken aback as he doesn't know her and has only smiled to before. possibly she thinks he is single etc or it could be literally just what she suggests although she could have approached anyone. tbh i wouldn't go upto someone else's partner at the school gate and ask them if they want to come with me to ie the gym or on a trip to do what i do for a living (if i had heard he was also into the same thing). opinions please... i am not very comfortable with it (or he) and i am not a posessive type, quite the opposite normally

OP posts:

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nevergoogle · 06/07/2013 11:27

although my suggestion negates the need to get yourselves in a spin about an invite to go cycling, so might not be quite what you are looking for.

nevergoogle · 06/07/2013 11:19

I'd point her in the direction of British Cycling's Breeze Network for women for group rides to get her confidence in the routes available in the area.

If there are none, she could train to become a leader and meet lots of like minded women.

wintertimeisfun · 06/07/2013 11:10

merry spot on :)

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merrymouse · 06/07/2013 09:43

I thought wintertime was just making the point that she was comfortable with opposite sex platonic relationships.

As I said before, I think the reason both of them felt uncomfortable is that it is odd to jump to 'buddy' friendship status without starting off with a bit of small talk with either the OP or her partner. I suspect he gave her the phone number because he was wrong footed by her rather odd behaviour.

MortifiedAdams · 06/07/2013 08:55

Remembet Kevin Webster and Molly Dobbs as the running buddies?

Before you know it OP, they will be having an illigitinate child and a tram will fall on her. Good luck!

motherinferior · 06/07/2013 08:41

Most of the utter arseholes I've met have been white people, but I don't dislike all white people on that basis.

Kewcumber · 05/07/2013 23:03

motherinferior - your reference went "whooooooosh" but it wasn't totally wasted.

We women we're all the same us - complicated bitchy types and those men, simple creatures.

msshapelybottom · 05/07/2013 21:30

This thread is why I keep a very clear distance between me (single woman) and men at the school gate. We chat about the weather and the kids but I am always wary of giving off the wrong message. Cos you know, all us single women are out to get a man by any means we can. I have a friend who was single when we met and now he is in a long term relationship. I feel I have to keep my distance from him too. So many people think a partner is their possession and are threatened by other women. I find it very sad. I would hate to be seen as "predatory" for being friendly.

Actually, this reminds me of a night I was out in the pub with a friend. We live at opposite ends of our village so I hung around till a married guy I know who lives near me was leaving so he could walk me home. The reason? I felt safe walking home with him because he was married. Now I am thinking the entire village must be locking their men in just incase one of them accidentally falls in love with me

wintertimeisfun · 05/07/2013 21:28

:) nice one ladies

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londone17 · 05/07/2013 20:35

So do I.

trackies · 05/07/2013 20:31

This has got nothing to with race. I'm brown and I can see that. Also get where you are coming from on the preferring male company. I'm the same. Easier and less complicated to deal with.

wintertimeisfun · 05/07/2013 17:15

omg, wtf? i'm not even going to answer your question. only on MN could someone bring race into a random discussion nothing to do with race although do know where you are coming from (to group everyone into one group). I obviously don't dislike all females, i have mentioned more than once that my closest friend is female. i just tend to a/not be as comfortable and b/have less sharing interests. having said that, i work with a fair few women who i am fond of. tbh i have had some awful female bollocks over the years with female friends and naturally keep my distance. just seems less complicated when around with my male mates..

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motherinferior · 05/07/2013 16:55

Would you say 'I don't really like black people', out of interest?

wintertimeisfun · 05/07/2013 16:51

jeeez, i have said, more than once that i WAS pissed off with him. he explained why he gave the number, so have i on here too, many times. as for my not particularly enjoying female company and being honest about it. i don't post on here to win friends and am not bothered if it makes me sound off, especially as this site is mostly frequented by females :-)

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LadyClariceCannockMonty · 05/07/2013 15:13

'Why is she getting the pursed lips treatment not him?'

Quite.

He's the one who's married. He knows how it makes you feel. He is also a grown-up who is (presumably) capable of saying no to her. Or are we buying in here to the 'man as poor defenceless mite in the face of woman's dangerous seductive power' thing'?

Oh, and saying things like 'i just don't like females that much. so what.' doesn't make you come across particularly well.

wintertimeisfun · 05/07/2013 14:56

what i meant was that people, myself included, usually assume that the really good looking men want a matching accessory and gravitate towards really good looking women (arm candy), there's even a dating agency aimed towards the likes called Sugardaddy. if i see a good looking bloke with a women who is plainer than he it makes me think he isn't as vain/self absorbed as the others (as they appear). perhaps using the word 'admire' wasn't best chosen. doesn't happen often though, i rarely see a good looking bloke with an 'ordinary' looking partner

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Idocrazythings · 05/07/2013 14:30

The first above comment was a x-post

motherinferior · 05/07/2013 14:29

She is absolutely lovely, actually. I like her. (But then I like lots of women.)

Idocrazythings · 05/07/2013 14:29

Sounds like it winter. Is it wine o'clock yet for you?

Idocrazythings · 05/07/2013 14:26

i always have a certain amount of admiration... I'm a little by that comment.

wintertimeisfun · 05/07/2013 14:24

i know ido. there is of course a large element of animal instinct going on though, someone of the opposite sex coming possibly too close, goes both ways with male and females sometimes. dh and i do have (mostly..) laid back personalities, i have at times unerved him a bit because of someone (through my job) that may have crossed my path (if they are good looking). believe it or not goes over my head pretty girls hanging around re his work, just something about the possibility of an admirer on your doorstep. i am not angry about it anymore, funny how something can really wind you up one day and then not so much the next, i am due on though...

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wintertimeisfun · 05/07/2013 14:19

just because his wife is a beauty doesn't mean she is nice and that he is happy....... sidelining here but why do the big rock stars near on ALWAYS marry models? i lost all respect i had for eadie vedder when i read one day that he was married to one. whilst i can see the attaction about waking up in the morning to a beautiful women, just seems a bit naff really. i always have a certain amount of admiration when i see a really good looking bloke walking along clearly in love with his partner who is somewhat plain in comparison :)

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Idocrazythings · 05/07/2013 14:19

As adults it's harder to make friends than as children. Maybe because they are on smiling terms she thought it would be ok? Maybe the other cycling mums are too stuck up to even approach. I really wanted to find a running buddy but found it really hard to approach people.

That said though it is a little weird, I wouldn't feel overly comfortable if it was my DH in all honesty. It shouldn't be, as I doubt it would be an AIBU if another dad asked; it's just another sad reflection on our society.

motherinferior · 05/07/2013 14:10

Oh, he's delightful. Clearly sadly did not want it for purposes of propositioning me. I'm not precious about my email, dammit. I have very rarely received torrid missives on it. More's the pity. Certainly not from someone who's married to a woman who is a dead ringer for a goddess.

wintertimeisfun · 05/07/2013 14:00

true, i did say that and still stand by it but not as a result of a male past thing, i just don't like females that much. so what. don't overly trust them either, far less complicated and more laid back in my experience being around males (and not other peoples), and yes, i do have the odd female friend one of which i am very close. btw why 'obviously' did you supply your email address to a man you knew was married. just becaue he was bloody good looking? a musician? wouldn't make any difference to me if he looked like bloody brad pitt i wouldn't have given it to him unless it was specifically for something ie work

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