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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think inviting a man into your home isn't an invitation for sex?

98 replies

AnneNonimous · 02/07/2013 20:51

Please me gentle I'm still rather traumatised.

A male acquaintance of mine that I used to be good friends with (note: just friends) moved away to the other side of London a few years ago. Recently he was back in the area for a while so asked if we could meet up to catch up. I'm a lone parent so I don't have much/any free time so I invited him over one evening for dinner and a catch up when DS was in bed.

All was fine and friendly til I nipped to the kitchen to check on something, came back into the living room and he was sitting on my sofa with his penis out 'pleasuring himself'. I asked what the hell he was doing and he asked if I would join him. I made it crystal clear I wouldn't and he told me he wouldn't be long then. I told him in no uncertain terms that he was to leave my house and I was really disappointed in him and he'd been so disrespectful.

He left and I haven't heard from him since (this was on Saturday). I discussed what had happened with a mutual acquaintance of ours and she told me I should probably have expected it as 'what else do you invite a man to your house for on a Saturday evening.'

Please tell me this is not a popular opinion?! I have a DP who I have made aware of he situation, he is furious of course but not at me and doesn't think I was at fault.

OP posts:

FannyFifer · 02/07/2013 20:54

Wtf, he is an absolute fucking freak!
That really is not normal behaviour whatsoever.
He sat having a wank on your couch?

Glad he left when u told him to go.
I

Tweasels · 02/07/2013 20:54

I'd have kicked him in the cock.

I think it might be a form of sexual assault. Not meaning to sound over dramatic.

Even if he got the wrong idea and thought it might end up that way (btw no, asking you someone you know well to your house doesn't give the wrong idea). But, anyway, even if he did get the wrong idea, WTAF?

BellEndTent · 02/07/2013 20:54

Definitely not your fault. He perhaps had got the wrong idea about the invitation (?) but there are more subtle ways of getting your message across than behaving like a sex offender on your friend's sofa while he children are asleep upstairs. Creep.

Geillis · 02/07/2013 20:55

Wow, hope you're ok, I would be traumatised too! I cannot believe your friend expressed that view, I'd be re-evaluating that friendship for sure. What an asshole (male acquaintance, and friend).

SireeDubs · 02/07/2013 20:56

YANBU and you know it! What a twunt.
You'd formerly been friends! It doesn't matter what time it was (ie after boozy evening or whatever), no bloke should expect you to be happy with them (apropos of seemingly nothing) getting their knob out in your living room.

Sound like a scene from crap sitcom, except it wasn't. Hope you're ok.

WhiteShakette · 02/07/2013 20:56

Dear god, no, your friend is quite mad, and has had her opinions teleported from the fortunately distant past. It is in no way normal for an old friend of either sex to construe a casual dinner invitation into a sexual offer.

Mind you, even if you had made it plain you were sexually interested in this freak, getting your genitals out for a rub and polish while your hostess checks on dessert is in no way normal either...

schooldidi · 02/07/2013 20:56

No, that is definitely NOT normal behaviour. NOBODY should expect sex if you invite them into your home. I would be horrified if anybody did that to me.

Lemonies · 02/07/2013 20:56

You should have burst out laughing and pointed.

Mentally scarred the cheeky twat.

LindyHemming · 02/07/2013 20:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Eilidhbelle · 02/07/2013 20:58

Oh, I hate stories like this. You were definitely not unreasonable, what a horrible thing to happen.

Your friend's attitude makes me so, so angry. It's victim blaming. Don't be friends with her any more, please!

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts · 02/07/2013 20:59

No it is NOT normal behaviour! I have quite a few male friends who've come round for dinner, just the two of us, and not once have any of them started wanking on my sofa.

Even if you were interested and dinner was a precursor to initiating something sexual, what a bloody horrible way to bring it up! Yeurgh!

ParadiseChick · 02/07/2013 20:59

My God!

Even if it was a 'date' behaving like that is unacceptable

Shitsinger · 02/07/2013 21:03

EEEEEEEEP!
I would have said "sorry darling Im a vegetarian" and kicked him out !

hardbeingme · 02/07/2013 21:03

Gross! YADDDNBU! even if i'd 'liked' him 'liked' him that would have completely horrified me, euw!
Tempted? er no you big freak now fuck off!!!

Tweasels · 02/07/2013 21:04

To be honest, if I came out of the kitchen and found DH doing that I'd kick him in the cock.

hardbeingme · 02/07/2013 21:05

hang on! he was going to carry on regardless????
some people have no shame.

sparkle9 · 02/07/2013 21:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gnittinggnome · 02/07/2013 21:07

I don't think you'll find anyone agreeing with your friend here - what a weird and unpleasant thing to do! Glad you got him out pronto.

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS · 02/07/2013 21:08

Yanbu and YY to the fucking freak comment. What a filthy pervert. You would be well in order to report him to the police. The fact your ds could have woken and walked in the room any moment makes it all the more sick.

cardibach · 02/07/2013 21:09

YANBU, the bloke and your other friend are.
And as regards possible ways to deal with it, surely it was a perfect opportunity for the old chestnut 'Wow, that looks just like a penis, only smaller...'

float62 · 02/07/2013 21:13

YANBU but I do find your story quite funny. btw your friend that gave your thread its title is BU. Is that right for all ladies on a Sat night or just the LPs at home alone with their dc who must be up for it? Anyway, I probably find this funny as something similar happened to me with the male friend on the sofa with his dick out requesting I look to see if there was anything wrong with it in a come on sort of way if that could be possible. Amazed to this day at my speed of thought, I returned to the kitchen and added a hefty dose of tea tree oil to some aqueous cream and recommended he rub it in....ouch. We are still friends.

Fakebook · 02/07/2013 21:14

Wtf?! No this isn't normal. Eugh. I'd have threatened him to leave with some salad tongs.

badguider · 02/07/2013 21:16

Not normal behaviour at all.... even if a man wanted sex and I WAS up for it too I would not expect him to seduce me by wanking at me from the sofa!!!

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 02/07/2013 21:16

Jesus Christ, even if you were interested in him for sex what he did was NOT NORMAL OR ACCEPTABLE.

WTF is WRONG with some people that they think this is normal behaviour under certain contexts.

Get some new friends

Sorry for overuse of caps but SHEESH.

ShellyBoobs · 02/07/2013 21:17

Surely you know YANBU, OP?

What an absolute arsehole your 'friend' is.

I just can't imagine what he was thinking.

Even if you were more up for it than a very up for it thing, it would hardly be an alluring sight to walk in upon!

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