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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think inviting a man into your home isn't an invitation for sex?

98 replies

AnneNonimous · 02/07/2013 20:51

Please me gentle I'm still rather traumatised.

A male acquaintance of mine that I used to be good friends with (note: just friends) moved away to the other side of London a few years ago. Recently he was back in the area for a while so asked if we could meet up to catch up. I'm a lone parent so I don't have much/any free time so I invited him over one evening for dinner and a catch up when DS was in bed.

All was fine and friendly til I nipped to the kitchen to check on something, came back into the living room and he was sitting on my sofa with his penis out 'pleasuring himself'. I asked what the hell he was doing and he asked if I would join him. I made it crystal clear I wouldn't and he told me he wouldn't be long then. I told him in no uncertain terms that he was to leave my house and I was really disappointed in him and he'd been so disrespectful.

He left and I haven't heard from him since (this was on Saturday). I discussed what had happened with a mutual acquaintance of ours and she told me I should probably have expected it as 'what else do you invite a man to your house for on a Saturday evening.'

Please tell me this is not a popular opinion?! I have a DP who I have made aware of he situation, he is furious of course but not at me and doesn't think I was at fault.

OP posts:
FannyFifer · 02/07/2013 21:18

Just read this out to my DP who thinks that fella is a total oddball.

Also, was he just intending to carry on and make a mess all over your couch or floor? Dirty fucker!

FannyFifer · 02/07/2013 21:20

Lol at being wanked at as a form of seducing.

WorraLiberty · 02/07/2013 21:21

He's a complete weirdo

And so is your friend

EugenesAxe · 02/07/2013 21:22

I was all ready with a tentative YABU but in the scenario you describe NO! You are completely not being unreasonable. That is disgusting and inappropriate.

I thought you'd be saying you'd invited someone in after a date, which if you hadn't been up for sex would probably be a weird signal for most blokes... I still wouldn't have expected anyone to initiate sex in that way though.

pointythings · 02/07/2013 21:23

You need some new friends, and you are so NBU. When I still lived alone I had lots of male friends over for a meal and none of them made assumptions. I'm still friends with many of them.

Shutupanddrive · 02/07/2013 21:23

OMG!! What a wanker! (Sorry couldn't resist that one)
But no of course YANBU, and tell him to piss off if he ever contacts you again

InLoveWithDavidTennant · 02/07/2013 21:24

wtaf Shock

personally if that happened to me id probably speak to the police to see what they say. surely its classed as indecent exposure? or something like that anyway!

totally NOT normal and your friend who thinks it is is a stupid twat Angry

StuntGirl · 02/07/2013 21:25

God almighty, YAsoNBU! What a weirdo.

I'd be reevaluating both friendships pronto!

Branleuse · 02/07/2013 21:25

Of course it isnt an invitation for sex, although i do think inviting a male aquaintance to your house alone is not safe

GetStuffezd · 02/07/2013 21:28

Branleuse, that's rather offensive to the non-freakish men of this world. They don't all act like this one and the OP did say he was a good friend, not a random guy.

Triumphoveradversity · 02/07/2013 21:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MadBusLady · 02/07/2013 21:28

WTAF! Your "mutual acquaintance" has some serious boundary issues. Jesus, what does she accept in relationships, one wonders!

ZillionChocolate · 02/07/2013 21:29

Yuck!

I disagree with Branleuse though.

digerd · 02/07/2013 21:30

YUCK!! Wonder you didn't throw up on the spot. He'd have probably taken that as you 'gagging for it' as well. How disgusting ! And weird.

AnyFucker · 02/07/2013 21:30

Bloody hell, that is unbelievably horrid.

MadBusLady · 02/07/2013 21:31

Sorry, now I'm laughing at "being wanked at from the sofa" as a means of seduction too. What are some of these men reading/watching??

5madthings · 02/07/2013 21:31

Yanbu at all.

I have a male friend who regularly spends true evening here,and we are just friends, he is dp's friedm as well but even if there was no dp he would just be a friend.

That is just not normal!! Sleazy bastard.

LaurieFairyCake · 02/07/2013 21:32

Happened to me. Got an inkling that he was going to be weird so called DP (now dh)

I go into the kitchen to make a cup of tea. DP comes over, I answer the door.

DP goes in the living room to find said bloke starkers and holding a cushion over his cock.

I'm following. DP says 'what you doing mate'.

Mate says 'I'm just going in the bath'

He then goes up to have a bath and DP and I giggle like loons.

The guy was an MP - and no, I'm not saying which one.

Possibly the funniest thing that has ever happened to me.

5madthings · 02/07/2013 21:32

Also disagree with branleuse

FreudiansSlipper · 02/07/2013 21:32

That is disgusting

And why is inviting a male to your house when alone not safe Confused

AmberSocks · 02/07/2013 21:33

even if you made out like he was going to get lucky which it sounds like you didnt,that is some odd behaviour.

caramelwaffle · 02/07/2013 21:35

Yanbu.

MadBusLady · 02/07/2013 21:35

Laurie Shock Some poor innocent people voted for that bloke! Telling us who it was would be in the public interest

FreudiansSlipper · 02/07/2013 21:35

Yes you must Laurie and out him do we really need someone like that involved in the running of our country desperate to know who it is

Viviennemary · 02/07/2013 21:36

I would have been totally horrified. Even if a man did think he might be invited to stay the night there is no excuse whatsoever for the way he behaved. I would think that was absolutely weird and not normal behaviour.