Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So upset - Gingerism

159 replies

Ham69 · 01/07/2013 22:28

One of my 'friends' had had a couple of drinks the other night and started talking about her neighbours. She's very well educated and her husband is a carpenter and drives a white van. Nothing at all wrong with that and he earns a good honest living, but I get the impression she has a complex about it. She was talking to a very good friend of mine the other night and made a comment about her neighbours being a bit snooty and not talking to her because her husband has a white van. She went on to say that they have no right whatsoever to feel like this because they have ginger children. I can't get over how much this has affected me. Her son is in my son's class and regularly comes back for playdates. My DS (biased, obviously) is a very handsome, bright and sporty 6 year old who happens to have gorgeous 'ginger' hair.
Her statement confirms my fears that he will have this prejudice all his life and may well have a terrible time at school. If intelligent parents can speak like this, what chance do their children have? They will pick up on this and think 'gingers' deserve to be singled out, bullied, etc. It makes me feel so sick and worried for my lovely innocent DS.
Sorry for rant, needed to get it off my chest.

OP posts:
bimbabirba · 01/07/2013 22:32

Intelligent parents? I think not.
Are you sure she wasn't joking or something?

Alconleigh · 01/07/2013 22:34

Fuck her in the ear, she sounds vile. Gingers are amazing, ask anyone who knows me...

PoppyAmex · 01/07/2013 22:35

I'm the worst possible person to comment on this because I'm foreign and I adore red hair and can't understand this weird British thing.

I've lived and travelled in many countries and I've never come across this particular prejudice; it's just seriously bizarre.

I'd call her on it and point out it makes her sound unpleasant and slightly unhinged.

PS: I'm still a bit annoyed that DD doesn't have red hair.

Peachypossum · 01/07/2013 22:35

It winds me up too, having grown up ginger. People do not realise just how nasty and spiteful it can be. I think I would say something to her tbh, shame her and maybe make her think about it before she makes such vile comments in future - especially about children :(

Although I am doomed, I'm ginger and I live with a white van man!

MalcolmTuckersMum · 01/07/2013 22:36

I've got as far as the 'drives a white van' and I'm too Confused to carry on.......

Littleballofhate · 01/07/2013 22:37

I am a redhead, currently living in the US (where gingers are luuuuved) I don't ever remember being twitted for my hair. I was picked on for plenty of other things though..

DuchessFanny · 01/07/2013 22:40

I LOVE ginger hair and have beautiful red-headed nieces, I find it utterly bizarre that people can be so negative about it and therefore have put it down to envy !

DeathByTray · 01/07/2013 22:41

So your "friend" said this knowing you had a redhead DS? Confused

Flobbadobs · 01/07/2013 22:41

Call her on it. Honestly I would have laughed in her face and asked what the hell she was on about. Do it as loud and as incredulously as possible.
I married a ginger man and am rather pleased that finally one of our DC's seems to be going red of hair Grin.
Judging people by the colour of their hair is pathetic and I personally pity anyone shallow enough to do it...

MammaTJ · 01/07/2013 22:42

Bias is bias is bias. She was answering bias with bias, maybe not really felt bias, but angry revenge bias.

Ask her if it was that.

I think she was angry at their perceived judgement of her, so returned a made up judgement of her own.

Sparrowlegs248 · 01/07/2013 22:42

fuck her in the ear (grin)!!!!

Embrace the gingerness. I have a properly ginger friend who is ginger and proud, commonly known as the ginger princess/witch depending on her mood. My Dh has a tinge of ginge and i'm sure if we make a baby it will be ginge. I'll be thrilled!! Surely its a bit of a thing of the past though?

mummydarkling · 01/07/2013 22:42

Gingerd are great, my late DF and several aunts and uncles are. Along with my brilliant DS2.

TeamEdward · 01/07/2013 22:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LittleNoona · 01/07/2013 22:42

I love ginger hair and find ginger men really attractive!

She's a cow for saying such a thing Angry

DeathByTray · 01/07/2013 22:43

Oh, just realised she didn't say it to you.

Anyway, we're an entire family of redheads and our neighbours have a white van. Perhaps we've met Grin

Original poster
Ham69 · 01/07/2013 22:46

Thank you so much for your positive comments. Sadly, I don't think she was joking.
I am very tempted to call her up on it. She has a 9 year old DS too, who picks up on everything, and i'd like to say something along the lines of, "I overheard what you said and I'm really concerned you may be influencing your sons. It's ignorant comments from parents like you that can influence bullying. Please be careful what you say in future'.
Or something like that. But I don't think I'm brave enough! I still feel mortified by her comments. I have a 'ginger' DD too, shock horror, and can't believe how spiteful people can be.

OP posts:
Solari · 01/07/2013 22:47

I don't understand where the bias against ginger hair comes, and to be honest I'm not sure many individuals actually do have a dislike of it aside from getting swept along with the bizarre wave of peer pressure to look down on it for some reason.

I don't have a child with ginger hair, but mixed-race, and it hits me in the heart sometimes too, to realise that prejudice will be a part of his life.

On the flip-side, its somewhat comforting to realise that their group of friends/future-partners will automatically have filtered out the sorts of people who would make a big deal of it anyway.

MammaTJ · 01/07/2013 22:48

OK, so go with that. As a ginger who never really suffered ginger bullying I don't suppose I get it like others do. If somone called DD ginger she would reply 'yes, isn't it beautiful?'.

DeathByTray · 01/07/2013 22:50

I have loved every minute of my life being a redhead and am only sad now it is fading.

ShabbyButNotChic · 01/07/2013 22:51

Ooh i love gingers! Do people really still have a thing against them?? My mum is from a ginge family, but hers is very dark, looks brown but like her heads on fire in sunlight. Ive always been soooo jealous of it, my hair is mousy and rubbish :( my little cousins hit the jackpot and got the red hair AND the curls....

Mammyisthegirl · 01/07/2013 22:53

As the daughter/wife/mother of Gingers: they are the best, but people have genuinely tried to console me that my son's hair might 'get darker as he gets older'. Don't even give this silly woman another thought.
Really (a) her husband is working and earning (b) if the neighbours have an issue with the white van then perhaps their opinion is not particularly to be valued and (c) laugh at her - you and I know how delicious it is to ruffle up gorgeous ginger hair!!

Solari · 01/07/2013 22:55

Besides, Dr Who can't be wrong! Grin

gettingeasiernow · 01/07/2013 22:56

Also madly envious of all gingers, nothing but pure mouse in my genes sadly. Also a bit bemused with the white van generalisation. Your "friend" sounds like she just can't be taken seriously.

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 01/07/2013 22:58

She's a really nasty bitch. My DH and my 7 month old DS are both ginger and DS in particular has gorgeous hair

I had a really twatty secretary who used to say all the time whilst I was pregnant that it would be "awful" if the baby was born with ginger hair. She was black as was her husband and quite rightly would have been terribly offended if I had made pejorative remarks about her husband 's physical characteristics. Twat.

WorraLiberty · 01/07/2013 22:58

These threads (and there have been so many) make me feel uncomfortable.

It goes without saying that no-one should be singled out and bullied for any reason...let alone something as stupid as hair colour.

But the reason these threads have made me feel uncomfortable in the past, is because they tend to be full of people saying, "ginger/red hair is gorgeous. I'm so very jealous my children don't have ginger/red hair. OMG I was gutted when I realised my child's hair wasn't ginger/red like mine/my DPs. I nearly cried when my child's hair went from ginger/red to blonde.

Etc etc...with tons of Envy faces.

The reason those threads have made me feel uncomfortable, is because to me they seem so 'try hard' and therefore fake ( no matter how honest people are being )

Hair colour is just that...a colour of hair someone happens to have. They should not be singled out or bullied for it.

But often the 'simpering' and 'gushing' about how people wish they had a ginger/red headed child, leads me to believe that no matter how hard they try to support those children through being singled out and bullied, the kids are wise to the whole over reaction to a hair colour.

I don't blame you for being angry OP, there will always be idiots who are prejudiced over many things but hopefully you'll teach your child to ignore that crap...and see that life is so much more important than looks.