Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So upset - Gingerism

159 replies

Ham69 · 01/07/2013 22:28

One of my 'friends' had had a couple of drinks the other night and started talking about her neighbours. She's very well educated and her husband is a carpenter and drives a white van. Nothing at all wrong with that and he earns a good honest living, but I get the impression she has a complex about it. She was talking to a very good friend of mine the other night and made a comment about her neighbours being a bit snooty and not talking to her because her husband has a white van. She went on to say that they have no right whatsoever to feel like this because they have ginger children. I can't get over how much this has affected me. Her son is in my son's class and regularly comes back for playdates. My DS (biased, obviously) is a very handsome, bright and sporty 6 year old who happens to have gorgeous 'ginger' hair.
Her statement confirms my fears that he will have this prejudice all his life and may well have a terrible time at school. If intelligent parents can speak like this, what chance do their children have? They will pick up on this and think 'gingers' deserve to be singled out, bullied, etc. It makes me feel so sick and worried for my lovely innocent DS.
Sorry for rant, needed to get it off my chest.

OP posts:
ICBINEG · 02/07/2013 14:04

I have always enjoyed being ginger and thus somewhat unusual and memorable. I did get the odd negative comment as well but was far more likely to be bullied about other things....

I was really glad when DD wasn't ginger though as there are lots of health problems that tend to go with it. My whole family is a wreck of allergies and asthma and most recently malignant melanoma. My sister went to an allergy convention once and said it was the only place she had ever been where the gingers were in the majority!

So I am a little sad for my DD that she seems to have standard mousey brown hair, but I am glad she will be able to live her life without so many complications and so much sunburn....

ICBINEG · 02/07/2013 14:05

oh and a lack of pain tolerance or an ability to respond to pain killers...that's another ginger trait and one that is particular unpleasant during child birth.

ChewingOnLifesGristle · 02/07/2013 14:11

Lack of pain tolerance?Confused Now I think about it I'm sure I've heard of that re redheads but never believed it to be scientifically true. I think I have a pretty high pain tolerance.

Skin that tans easily would be nice but it doesn't bother me unduly. I look a bit odd with a suntanned face I always think. I do love the sun though and hate the cold.

hamilton75 · 02/07/2013 14:20

7to25

I agree with all your other points but Scots redheads are more common than Ireland, its not the other way round. Scotland has the highest proportion in the world per head of population (about 13%) although to be fair Ireland's still got a lot (approx. 10%). According to Wiki (font of all knowledge I know) there is roughly 650,000 in Scotland and 420,000 in Ireland.

Both figures are dwarfed though by millions of redheads (but smaller amount per percentage of population) in America, possibly why there are more accepted?

skintandfedup · 02/07/2013 14:22

Well I for one love ginger hair. It's beautiful. Your friend is a cow & has major hang ups.

kerala · 02/07/2013 14:29

Your child can get unwanted attention for anything hair related that is not the tedious norm. DD has DHs hair - we are white but the hair is almost Afro. DH got a world of bullying about it when he was a boy but he was quite big and would fight about it. I have already had DD (6) sobbing about how she hates it and wishes it were like a princesses hair (bloody Kate Middleton) Confused and boys at school have been vile to her about it already.

Yet like Worra said we get much gushing from adults and strangers about how marvellous her hair is it but it somehow emphasises to DD that her hair is "different" and she is smart and can see right through this all she wants is to be like everyone else. Still its getting better she is gaining in confidence. Everytime I see an attractive woman with curly hair I point her out to DD (hopefully they dont think I am a stalker loon!).

whiteandyellowiris · 02/07/2013 14:34

wow she sounds really nasty

yanbu

avoid her if I was you

EldritchCleavage · 02/07/2013 14:35

OP, daughter of a redhead here saying this ridiculous anti-'ginger' prejudice is recent, and it too shall pass. It just seems to have become popular because redheads are perceived as a group you can abuse without any kind of come back. I reckon by the time your children are young adults people will have got over it.

ICBINEG · 02/07/2013 14:36

Well it is only a correlation not an absolute thing...

gingers have on average lower pain tolerance...

hamilton75 · 02/07/2013 14:48

When our daughter was born the midwife told us redheads bleed more/more easily Confused

runningforthebusinheels · 02/07/2013 14:54

Hamilton I was told that after the birth of ds1 - I was at particular risk of pph apparently... I gave her Hmm this look.

Hercule · 02/07/2013 14:55

I had a similar experience once. Dh is ginger, as is DD1. I was at a baby group with her when she was 18 months old, all auburn curly locks. A woman commented on her hair and I said 'she gets it from her dad' at which a different woman shuddered and said 'eeew I hate ginger men, the pubes, the armpit hair' !

To this day I wish I'd managed to find something witty/cutting to say, as it was I just sat there in stunned silence with my jaw dropped open.

newgirl · 02/07/2013 14:59

It's unacceptable - ditch the 'friend' - I wouldn't want her near my child

KatOD · 02/07/2013 14:59

I got told that the delivery room looked like "the Texas Chainsaw massacre" after having DD because I was ginger. Apparently when my mum had me she was told I'd have problems in childbirth because I am ginger.

Sounds a bit Hmm to me, but then again I did have a rubbish labour, but am a scientist so would need more data points to be convinced!

newgirl · 02/07/2013 15:00

Ps I think it is a form of racism as has been discussed on mumsnet - red hair/Celtic roots etc.

These jokes will go out of favour as many others have

JemimaMuddledUp · 02/07/2013 15:06

I have 3 DC. DS1's hair is red, DS2's hair is dark brown, DD's hair is blonde. Of the three of them DS1's hair is the nicest looking, it is really thick and glossy and I am rather jealous.

He has only experienced bullying because of it once, and it was stamped out pretty quickly by the school. He is almost 11 though, and I do wonder if it will be worse in his teens.

Unfortunately with adults like your "friend" around children will pick up the idea that it is OK to pick on red haired children Sad

Original poster
Ham69 · 02/07/2013 15:12

Sorry to hear about other people's negative experiences. It really can be so upsetting. I've had several 'funny' quips in the past, but this one really got to me.
The way I'm feeling at the moment, I'd love to ditch her as a friend, but my DS and her DS are great friends and my DS is really looking forward to going to her house next week for her DS's birthday party. It would be very unfair of me to keep him away.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 02/07/2013 15:36

Surely you don't have to be friends with all your DCs friends parents though?

Is it not possible to distance yourself from her and still allow the kids to be friends?

VitoCorleone · 02/07/2013 18:21

I agree with Worra, these threads always attract pages and pages of replies about how people love red hair, want their babies to be ginger etc

I find it really OTT to be honest, and like somebody else said, its almost like saying 'i love your ginger hair' then thinking 'even if nobody else does'

PoppyAmex · 02/07/2013 18:46

Vito you would've been shocked at my entire (foreign) family - they spent my whole pregnancy asking what the odds were of having a red-haired baby Grin

To be fair, we're Mediterranean and find it beautiful and exotic.

oreocookiez · 03/07/2013 00:12

I have auburn hair and I love it!... tell her she is a nasty old trout and needs to get her head out of her snooty backside. I remember in the hospital when I had DS2 who was blonde when born another new mum said to me oooh you must be so relieved he doesnt have your red hair.....I said to her lets hope your son hasnt inherited your great big gob and turned away...... she didnt speak to me again sadly....gutted lol

LittleMissGerardButlerfan · 03/07/2013 07:31

I am 35 and ginger and am amazed that people still think its acceptable to be horrible about ginger hair.

But unfortunately it does seen acceptable and I still get the odd comment now.

That's why I was relieved that my boys don't have ginger hair, I know that sounds awful but I don't want then to go through what I did.

To me it seems its am acceptable form of racism.

Ledkr · 03/07/2013 09:48

I kicked off at work about this the other day.
I'm just making sure my little red head grows up full if self confidence so that if she does face ginger ism she will handle it accordingly.

EugenesAxe · 03/07/2013 10:28

I've always seen it as a bit of a joke... but I suppose a lot of bullying can originate in that way. I remember a mate at university and me laughing at the imaginary concept of 'gingercide' (I really don't know how it came up)... and I really fancied a rugby player that was a redhead, so got everyone singing 'ginge-ge-ge-ge-geginge' etc. at me to the tune of 'Remember Me' every time he appeared. I shagged another lovely ginger at the same time - obviously it was something I'd never tease someone for being, or have a genuine problem with. It was just seen as a laughing-at-yourself kind of thing.

I feel pretty crap now though after reading these replies - I'll take it more seriously. I would certainly pull my children up on it.... so it would be very hypocritical to joke about it (or let a comment go unchecked) when I'm amongst adults.

Thecurlywurlymum · 03/07/2013 10:43

My dm, gm all of her family really were all redheads. I was born blonde and curly. My dm was so disappointed that she used to dye my hair ginger for years so that everyone would know who I was. Yes weird I know. I looked like Annie for years. It's only a 'rinse' dear. Bloody strange ideas my mum had