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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

So upset - Gingerism

159 replies

Ham69 · 01/07/2013 22:28

One of my 'friends' had had a couple of drinks the other night and started talking about her neighbours. She's very well educated and her husband is a carpenter and drives a white van. Nothing at all wrong with that and he earns a good honest living, but I get the impression she has a complex about it. She was talking to a very good friend of mine the other night and made a comment about her neighbours being a bit snooty and not talking to her because her husband has a white van. She went on to say that they have no right whatsoever to feel like this because they have ginger children. I can't get over how much this has affected me. Her son is in my son's class and regularly comes back for playdates. My DS (biased, obviously) is a very handsome, bright and sporty 6 year old who happens to have gorgeous 'ginger' hair.
Her statement confirms my fears that he will have this prejudice all his life and may well have a terrible time at school. If intelligent parents can speak like this, what chance do their children have? They will pick up on this and think 'gingers' deserve to be singled out, bullied, etc. It makes me feel so sick and worried for my lovely innocent DS.
Sorry for rant, needed to get it off my chest.

OP posts:

EllenJanesthickerknickers · 03/07/2013 11:02

My favourite hair colour is that gorgeous strawberry blond, you know that cross between ginger and blond. My DC were blond as small DC but their hair has darkened as they've got older. I'm slightly sad about it, but ho hum, it's just hair colour.

TBH, I think I like all hair colours that aren't colourless mousey. Brunette, auburn, blonde etc. I'm sure I'm not alone. It's very shallow, obviously, and it doesn't make for better people! My hair colour comes out of a bottle these days or it would be a very dull mouse brown/grey combo.

One of DS1's friends at school is a really popular lad, one of those 'got it all' kind of kids. Good at sport, good at his work, nice looking and a genuinely nice lad, known universally as 'The Ginger Ninja.'

PigOnStilts · 03/07/2013 11:11

Threads like this kill me.

My two sons have red hair, the eldest is really good looking and v physical, so hope bullying wont be much of an issue, but I'm sure no mothers of blond boys etc actually evaluate their three year olds like this.

At least we live in scotland where nobody really gives a shit.

Snoopingforsoup · 03/07/2013 12:04

My boy's a ginge and so far, touch wood, he's never had grief at school for it. I worried the same as you for a while. I still fear the nastiness will out...

Old bitches in the supermarket however...oh and teenagers at a bus stop when he was 2! C*nts!

echt · 03/07/2013 12:12

After 25+ years in secondary teaching, the home of casual abuse, I never encountered gingerism until I came to Australia, and a character/s played by Chris Lilley in "We Can Be Heroes" or "Summer Heights High", referred to "rangers" pronounced with a hard "g".

That was it; it seemed to spread from there, at least down under. It's rife here.

chebella · 03/07/2013 12:23

pig as the 'mother of a blonde boy' I deal with my own anxieties about my child, namely a visible birth 'defect' (he is, of course, perfect but I would say that!) I have to believe that he will learn that anyone who has a prejudice based on his appearance will helpfully have identified themselves as ignorant types to be pitied.

minouminou · 03/07/2013 12:28

Josh Homme.

That is all.

gotthemoononastick · 03/07/2013 12:40

That superb artist called Titian... sad that people are so ignorant.Beautiful unusual auburns.Whoever thought up the ginger word.

LaGuardia · 03/07/2013 13:33

My DD is ginger and very pretty. I thank God that DS is a brunette. Boys have a much harder time being redheads.

Ledkr · 03/07/2013 13:42

Have to say my red head dd is two and shows a worryingly high tolerance to pain. Has had eat infections with barely a wimper and after surgery at 9 months took out her own Ng tube and cannula and had a yogurt!!

DeathByTray · 03/07/2013 20:29

LaGuardia - bullies will be bullies, regardless of whether their victims are male or female.

My boys have never really had any problems with bullying and have grown up into confident young men. I've got pictures of them on my profile.

Yes, they got called "ginger" but I always used that as a term of affection from when they were very little so it never really bothered them.

CrapBag · 03/07/2013 20:42

She seems like a horrible snob to me.

Is it the neighbours who have a problem with her DH's white can or her? Sounds like her tbh.

I have to guts when it comes to confrontation but something along the lines of "I hope you don't pass your ignorant views on ginger hair to your DS given how good friends he is with my ginger haired DS"

My DD is ginger. I do worry that she is going to be picked on in the future. DH had to endure it all of his school life. So far I have only had positive comments towards DDs hair, although its mainly about the curls, some have been about the colour too. It is a gorgeous colour!

TweedWasSoLastYear · 03/07/2013 20:50

Im a red head .
I was singled out for bullying for most of my school life, from 8 or 9 through to 15/16 .
Called all the usual names by both boys and girls which was nice .
Really ate into my self esteme and blew my confidence and I became pretty socially awkward for a long time.
My 2 DB's both state the full on bullying as a reason for never having or wanting kids, as they do not want to put them through the years of missery they went through.
And maybe as a result of this neither have or have had a meaningfull relationships, both in 40;s now so profound impact on life just by being born with a minority hair colour.

havingamadmoment · 03/07/2013 21:00

I have red hair and 3 of my 5 children have red hair. To be honest the best thing to do is teach your children to accept that people have odd reactions to red hair and deal with it - both good and bad.

For example, the three youngest children are girls ages 4,2 and 1 all with bright red hair. Out in the sun a few weeks ago 3 people stopped to talk to them about how wonderful their hair was. I don't mind they are being friendly but my 4 year old was like this I mean no one would stop someone with brown hair to tell them how it looks great in the sun or tell me I have my hands full with the red hair temprament.

Me and my girls have learned to glide down the the street taking the comments good and bad (have had insults hurled at me from a moving car while out with them as we'll as good comments). It's just hair.

VanellopePitstop · 03/07/2013 21:37

When my DD reacted badly to her infant vaccinations the nurse told me that it was 'always the redheads'.

Pumpkinette · 03/07/2013 22:38

Hi, another fellow ging here. I find it really sad the gingerism still exists.

Two people in my work were discussing red hair the other week, one said if she ever had a child with red hair she would cry and dye its hair black. The other said if she ever had a child with red hair she would give it up for adoption as she couldn't cope with the shame and embarrassment. This conversation was overheard by management and not a word was said to them. So i piped up and said to them they are the sort of idiots who wouldn't deserve a child with red hair and I got pulled up. Apparently it's wrong to call people idiots and fine to be anti ginger.

I got all the usual ginger comments and jokes as a child and it crushed my self esteem. Now I'm an adult I love my hair and I'm very proud of it.

I do gush over red haired children as I love red hair. I know these children will inevitably end up facing some form of gingerism and bullying at school, I like to gush and make a fuss to let them know some people do love their hair. I'm not being false or fake.

My DD's hair is a dark blonde but sometimes has a red tinge to it when the light hits a certain way. I'm not sure if it will go redder or darker as she gets older. I can't help but hope it goes redder but will love her all the same if it doesn't.

trackies · 03/07/2013 22:47

I don't get this ginge prejudice thing. I have black hair and have never looked at a ginger haired person and thought yuk they r ginge but I have occasionally heard adults talk about it in this way. Tbh it would annoy me if my kids were redheads OP and I had a friend who said that to someone else. She's no better than her snobby neighbours. Maybe her neighbour knows that she's a snob about redheads !

FreudiansSlipper · 03/07/2013 22:51

ds is ginger

i did worry about him now i do not it is better to be positive and deal with it when it happens and hopefully he shall laugh it off

tbh he gets nothing but nice things said about his hair it is more titian than red but it is not strawberry blonde and goes a beautiful golden colour in the sun

mirry2 · 03/07/2013 23:07

I don't like referring to redheads as ginger as I think the word 'ginger' is used in a derogatory way

MrsGrowbag · 03/07/2013 23:07

I think the ginger prejudice is deep-rooted. Women with red hair are suppose to be angry and vengeful - Boudicca is always depicted as a red head but I don't know if there's any evidence she was. Red headed men are supposedly weak and treacherous - legend says Judas had red hair although I don't think there's a scarp of evidence he did, and probably very unlikely in 1st Century Palestine...
I personally HATE the term "ginger" and never use it. I now love having red hair but got loads of (negative) comments when younger, and even as an adult would have complete strangers walk up to em and ask me if my pubes matched my hair, which embarrassed me hugely when in my 20s. W*rs.

Dozer · 04/07/2013 14:33

Oi, why the anti-"mousy" hair comments?

Ironic on a thread bemoaning red hair prejudice!

Dozer · 04/07/2013 14:39

Eric stoltz

EllenJanesthickerknickers · 04/07/2013 14:48

Sorry, Dozer. It's just a bit, well, boring... That's what hair dye was invented for, anyway.

TheSmallPrint · 04/07/2013 15:33

My favourite redhead

imademarion · 04/07/2013 15:41

But often the 'simpering' and 'gushing' about how people wish they had a ginger/red headed child, leads me to believe that no matter how hard they try to support those children through being singled out and bullied, the kids are wise to the whole over reaction to a hair colour.

Sadly I agree.

My SD is ginger, not auburn or titian or any of the other euphemisms.

She hates it. She goes livid red in the sun, and is pallid for the rest of the year; she has spent fortunes on hair dye and is really miserable about her looks.

I hear myself saying all those things people say on these threads but when I hear her sobbing, I'm really at a loss.

At 23, she recently went blonde. I think it looks brassy with her colouring but it was one of the few genuine smiles she's had in twelve years.

EldritchCleavage · 04/07/2013 16:52

probably very unlikely in 1st Century Palestine...

I don't know, I've met Lebanese and Syrian people with red hair, apparently there are quite a few of them.

Nothing wrong with mouse, either.

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