So upset - Gingerism

[Ham69]

One of my 'friends' had had a couple of drinks the other night and started talking about her neighbours. She's very well educated and her husband is a carpenter and drives a white van. Nothing at all wrong with that and he earns a good honest living, but I get the impression she has a complex about it. She was talking to a very good friend of mine the other night and made a comment about her neighbours being a bit snooty and not talking to her because her husband has a white van. She went on to say that they have no right whatsoever to feel like this because they have ginger children. I can't get over how much this has affected me. Her son is in my son's class and regularly comes back for playdates. My DS (biased, obviously) is a very handsome, bright and sporty 6 year old who happens to have gorgeous 'ginger' hair.
Her statement confirms my fears that he will have this prejudice all his life and may well have a terrible time at school. If intelligent parents can speak like this, what chance do their children have? They will pick up on this and think 'gingers' deserve to be singled out, bullied, etc. It makes me feel so sick and worried for my lovely innocent DS.
Sorry for rant, needed to get it off my chest.

Red and curls here. Bullied all through school for it, still got the odd shouted comment after I had left school on nights out etc
Now dye it brown

Its a ridiculous form of prejudice/bullying that should be challenged just like any other - homophobia, racism etc...

My dd has the most stunning long thick red/auburn hair in loose curls. I was worried when she was born about future bullying but there hasn't been any I'm aware of. There is not a day goes by though that we don't get stopped and complimented on it. Complete strangers gush about it to the point that I'm now incredibly proud (nonsensical really as I didn't actively do anything to achieve it lol) and I would be gutted if she had a more common hair colour.

Don't worry about it OP. More often than not it is jealousy.

Why did your friend 'have' to tell you - sounds like she was stirring to me.

I didn't realise it was a secondhand conversation.

I'd really check your facts first before saying anything OP

Love Tim Minchin :)

My family are all red heads. Once a man (fully grown, in his 40s) pointed at my DB in the street and shouted 'oi ginger! Look at how ginger that kid is Kev, look! I remember my brothers confusion, he asked my Mam why the man was talking about his hair? He was quite young, and I think that was the first time someone had negatively reacted. He would soon learn to hate his hair as he was ruthlessly bullied for it, and once aged about 9 was caught in the bathroom trying to dye his hair black with ink cartridges from his fountain pen it's just hair. What's wrong with people?

Ham69 Your friend might be well educated, but it sounds like you're giving her far too much credit for her 'intelligence'. It does sound like she has a chip on her shoulder and is making herself feel better by making judgments about others. I would pick her up on her comments, even though you've received them second hand. This is a form of prejudice, that bizarrely some people seem to think is acceptable.

WorraLiberty, I agree that looks should be immaterial. However, I think there is something about red hair that leads some people to enthuse and wax lyrical. I think it's genuinely meant. (In the same way that people might appreciate the colours of autumn and the amazing shades of red/orange.)

Yes, your 'friend' is a stirrer.

Red hair is lovely, and I am always really shocked when I see anti ginger stuff, really horrible.

Beware your shit stirring and hurtful friend op.
It might not be gospel truth you know.

I always mistrust those who tell you hurtful stuff someone else has said, what's her true motive?

Tred carefully.

Clean red hair is no better or worse than clean black or brown or blond hair! Greasy red hair is as mank as other colours really.

Antipathy to red hair is anti Irish racism and should be recognised as such.

Ginger jokes are not a new phenomena at all, DH got seven bells kicked out of him by a group at school as a child purely for having ginger hair and he's just shy of 40. It's why he very sincerley hoped that none of ours were redheads.
Worra I think part of the reason is that red/ginger/copper/whatever hair is seen as unusual and romantic in a way, look at the ways it's been portayed through the years, Dante Rossetti's paintings through to Disney's Merida, the cultural beliefs through the years about redheads (someancient Greeks believed that redheads would turn into vampires after death).
Ginger and blonde are used as a way of insulting either the intelligence or behaviour of a person, it's being claimed back but the 'gushing' really is just us non redheads being over protective of the peope we love I think.

I tore a strip off someone recently for referring to DH as (that ginger cunt you married)

Not sure what happened with the rogue brackets there, just take them out

I am over 40 and wasn't aware of any ' ginger' teasing at school. Still it's just plain wierd. Not sure re Irish connection.

I agree 7to25 it is rooted in the anti Irish attitudes of the past. As a secondary teacher( a redhead and the mother of one) I am constantly amazed at the belief it it acceptable to insult a child for being ginger when it is not for any other physical attribute. I give a DT to anyone who uses the 'G' word in my room. It soon stops!

Or anti Celtic really 7to25 - my Scottish GGF was red haired with tight curls (i inherited a stawberry blonde colour with curls, several of my cousins also look similar).

Also anti Jewish - my Jewish GGF had light red hair and he was from Norwich but his mother was originally German Jewish. My uncle inherited his looks and hair colour.

To be honest lots of races of people in Northern Europe have reddish hair - inc. Germans, Dutch, English, Irish etc etc.

I think it looks lovely but i may be biased.

Its just hair colour. I'm red haired, as are two of my kids and we've never encountered anything worse than the equivelent of a 'blonde' joke. Maybe its regional? Poor dd gets far worse from wankers because she is in a wheelchair.
Tomorrow I'm going purple though.

Yes I don't doubt that people are genuine when they enthuse about it.

But when it comes to children in particular, they tend not to believe people (especially their parents) when someone goes so OTT.

They probably just think you're saying it to make them feel better, if that makes sense?

By going too over the top, you may inadvertently reinforce the negativity they're getting elsewhere.

I have dark red hair - similar colour to Debra Messings. Adults have always raved about my hair, called it beautiful, said how unusual it was and how lucky I am. I always hated it - and felt embarrassed and self-conscious by the attention it brought.

Kids, however, could be incredibly cruel about it - and I think I was called every ginger name under the sun at some point at school. I dyed it black when I went to Uni - to the horror of my parents and gp's.

This thread is interesting - it's truly lovely to see so many people loving red hair - but it's true that redheads are highly likely to receive unpleasant comments about their hair at some point.

OP - I'd be tempted to say something to her. But also, maybe look at ways you can help your son to deal with any hair-related comments he might get, there are some good websites around.

Apparently 1 in 3 Brits have the ginger hair gene, but it's recessive.

I'm ginger and I love it! It's my favorite thing about me, and funnily enough tends to be one of the things men find most attractive about me.

I am lucky in that I have never really been bullied for it, although my family repeatedly make ginger jokes.

I don't let it bother me, their attitude is their problem not mine

I get you Worra a sort of "wellI think it's lovely" when the unspoken part is "even if other people don't".

Prejudice against redheads goes back thousands of years and has been spread across the globe, calling it anti irish is a massive generalisation.

DH and DS both have ginger hair. I like it, DH says he was bullied throughout school because of it, even adults now will 'joke' about it. The amount of comments I got on whether or not DS would be ginger when I was pregnant was ridiculous. Makes me so sad to think he could be bullied for his hair colour when he's older. Unfortunately there are idiots out there though.

Agree with Worra about the over the top reaction the other way, I can see its done with good intentions though.

I have/had red hair and hated it all my life not because I was teased but just because it made me stand out in a crowd and I didn't have the confidence to carry it off.
Now I am in my 60's and my hair has faded to a sort of conker colour with grey streaks. I look at photos of me when I was young and wish I had enjoyed my hair colour while I had it.

Niether of my three children or two grandchildren have red hair but I am keeping my fingers crossed that GC3 due in December will be blessed with it as both parents say they would be delighted.

As a mum to a beautiful red haired girl i have to admit that I used to be worried about her going to school and comments etc, but we have instilled in her how lucky she is to have such amazing hair (it truly is.) Ignorant people are just that and I think we are lucky to have DC with something a little bit different about them. Your neighbour sounds like a twat.

When I was pregnant with my last DC I lost count of the amount of people who said 'as long as its not ginger' I don't get it! All of my DCs grandparents were auburn so I was hoping we'd be lucky but no joy, 2 blondes and a brunette. Red hair is beautiful, people just talk rubbish. Someone even wrote some stupid rubbish about hoping my unborn child wouldn't be ginger upsetting some of my red headed friends who I'm glad commented on their stupid remark and embarrassed them