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Original poster

So upset - Gingerism

159 replies

Ham69 · 01/07/2013 22:28

One of my 'friends' had had a couple of drinks the other night and started talking about her neighbours. She's very well educated and her husband is a carpenter and drives a white van. Nothing at all wrong with that and he earns a good honest living, but I get the impression she has a complex about it. She was talking to a very good friend of mine the other night and made a comment about her neighbours being a bit snooty and not talking to her because her husband has a white van. She went on to say that they have no right whatsoever to feel like this because they have ginger children. I can't get over how much this has affected me. Her son is in my son's class and regularly comes back for playdates. My DS (biased, obviously) is a very handsome, bright and sporty 6 year old who happens to have gorgeous 'ginger' hair.
Her statement confirms my fears that he will have this prejudice all his life and may well have a terrible time at school. If intelligent parents can speak like this, what chance do their children have? They will pick up on this and think 'gingers' deserve to be singled out, bullied, etc. It makes me feel so sick and worried for my lovely innocent DS.
Sorry for rant, needed to get it off my chest.

OP posts:
hamilton75 · 02/07/2013 11:15

7to5

Its not anti-Irish bias as its more widely thought of as a Scottish thing than Irish (we are half Scottish and it runs in my Dad's side of the family) Certainly it can be a Celtic trait but there are a lot of red northern Europeans, Germans especially - Boris Becker anyone Smile

wildfig · 02/07/2013 11:17

My whole family has red hair, in varying shades of ginger auburn, and maybe we've been really lucky but I can honestly say I have never, ever encountered anything but compliments about it. Not even 'cor, you must have a temper, eh, eh?' I love red hair on a man. Damien Lewis

Your friend's the one with the problem. She needs to get her husband to make her a bespoke chip for the other shoulder.

PostBellumBugsy · 02/07/2013 11:23

Eeeeeew, don't like the sound of the friend who passed on this information. I never trust people who relay nasty gossip.

Gingerism, is the same is fatism, ageism, shortism, tallism and all the other stupid, pointless prejudices some very ignorant people hide behind. Feel sorry for them and their narrow mindedness.

Celebrate how you/your DCs look and feel good about yourself. If you feel good, it doesn't matter what anyone else says - particularly horrid people - because their sad misguided opinions mean nothing! Grin

CornflowerB · 02/07/2013 11:45

People do gush over blondes though. I have one very blonde daughter and one not so blonde (I am a brunette and had glasses from age 4 so was never gushed over as a child about anything! My mother even told me that she expected to have petite blue eyed blondes - I am the opposite of this but amazingly still quite attractive, mum Angry) My very blonde daugher gets commented on all the time, and the older one who is beautiful but in a much more understated way eventually gets a hurried 'oh and you're lovely too' after the gushing has finished. My very blonde DD doesn't like it either 'they're all looking at me' . It's a sad refelection on humanity I think that people are unable to see or think beyond the initial visual impression to the child underneath. And back to the topic Grin I found it shocking when I moved to England how socially acceptable it was to be so rude about redheads, having come from a country where there were quite a lot of them! I think even the term ginger is quite derogatory. OP I think you need to call this woman and anyone else on it everytime. Just point out to them that it is really not acceptable to judge people on the colour of their hair in the same way that it is not acceptable to judge people on the colour of their skin. Although you are kind of judging her on the colour of her husband's van Grin

goonyagoodthing · 02/07/2013 11:50

My husband had red hair when he was younger, its brown now for some reason. My fathers family are redheads. Anyway, I held my breath hoping for a ginger haired child, but they did not oblige. They are blonde, at a push maybe I could call one "strawberry blonde".

But I have finally found a hair colour that makes me look naturally ginger. (Feria Mango Intense Copper if anyone is interested). It makes my very white skin look better!

Your friend has a chip of some sort on her shoulder.

SucksToBeMe · 02/07/2013 12:05

I have ginger hair and had a horrible time growing up. Walking in to assembly in front of 400+ children and somebody shouting ''She got ginger pubes'' was so awful that I refused to go to school for some days after.
If i'm honest I looked for a partner who was darker,i was relieved when my DS and DD were born with dark hair/eyes.
Although I do love the colour of my hair (I've never dyed it) the bullying was crippling and at 35 I still get nervous about it.

SucksToBeMe · 02/07/2013 12:06

*She's not she

7to25 · 02/07/2013 13:00

yes to Boris Becker, and a Swede told me that Scandinavian women LOVE red headed men as they think they must have Viking blood!
BUT we are talking about Britain and anti red headed feeling there.
I really think it is historical.
Red hair is twice as common in Ireland as Scotland. We lived in America for a year and the difference was amazing. My son was constantly stopped and complimented on his hair colour. He was the only red head in the school.
It isn't only the hair, but the pallor and pale lashes that people think of when saying "ginger minger"

internationallove985 · 02/07/2013 13:05

No of course you're not being unreasonable and you do not have to apologise for the rant. She sounds like a nasty piece of work and wouldn't be my choice of friend.
How dare she slate people for their hair color. Not only is this disrespectful to lady she said it about bur to all ginger haired people. I am bloody fuming, so I can imagine what parents of children with ginger hair are like! including yourself. My D.D is blond.
Ginger hair is beautiful. xxx

KatOD · 02/07/2013 13:15

She's a stupid, prejudiced bitch. My husband didn't realise how horrible people can be to those of us with red hair until he started going out with me and he is still completely amazed by it.

It appears to be the last acceptable form of prejudice and it makes me fume. Until people start actually challenging ignorant and ridiculous comments like this (even if they are made as a particularly tasteless/unfunny joke) things won't change.

Tell her what a stupid, insensitive, ignorant twat she is.

madamginger · 02/07/2013 13:17

Tell her to fuck off, I have proper red hair thats getting lighter as i get older, but when I was a kid it was really bright red and anyone who insulted me was shot down in flames.
I'm jealous of 2 of my neighbors, they have 4 redheads and I have 3 kids and all of them are brunette, soooo unfair!

KatOD · 02/07/2013 13:19

Or I'm happy to tell her if you put me in touch.

If anybody ever makes a derogatory comment like that in front of me I have/will read them the bloody riot act. If anybody ever says anything like that in front of my DD (who is currently developing strawberry blonde hair) god help them.

WorraLiberty · 02/07/2013 13:20

I agree 7to25

Lots of people will dye their hair ginger because it's not so much the colour that seems unpopular, but the pale skin, ginger eyelashes/eyebrows and freckles that often accompanies ginger hair.

Emilythornesbff · 02/07/2013 13:23

fuck her in the ear solid gold. Grin

Really. Rude.
My DH is a ginger. It's a personal preference of mine.
No doubt your DS will also have girls swooning over him at school like I would have (as a kid of appropriately similar age).
And I'm hot.

But fuck her in the ear still loving that Grin

Sacrebleu · 02/07/2013 13:24

My daughter has gorgeous red hair.

Reading threads like this makes me a bit sad though, maybe we'll end up m

MumnGran · 02/07/2013 13:26

OP, its not un-reasonble to be overly sensitive to remarks about DCs. We all are. Acting on them is unreasonable, most of the time. It just fuels the fire, and is best ignored.
The chances are that the negative comments about hair colour will crop up throughout life, and the best way to deal with it is to give the children enough self-confidence to handle whatever is thrown at them

Sacrebleu · 02/07/2013 13:26

Oops

Moving to a less ginger-unfriendly country in the future.

My idiotic SIL has already passed on her ridiculous views to her children. Niece (then 9) asked "but did you REALLY want a ginger baby" shortly after she was born. Didn't quite know how to react to that one!

WorraLiberty · 02/07/2013 13:31

I'm jealous of 2 of my neighbors, they have 4 redheads and I have 3 kids and all of them are brunette, soooo unfair!

But don't you think you're being just as shallow as those who hate ginger hair and say things like "As long as it's not ginger" to pregnant women?

You have 3 children, so what if they have brunette hair?

It's just a hair colour...I don't understand how you can be jealous of someone for such a trivial reason Confused

Beeyump · 02/07/2013 13:32

I just don't get it, the anti-'ginger' thing. I suffered for it throughout school and, like another poster said, can still get nervous about it now, when I'm approaching a big group of people say.
But it actually looks lovely (and I speak as someone who usually cringes from saying positive things about herself).

Beeyump · 02/07/2013 13:34

And how can someone be bullied for such a trivial reason...sigh.

Onetwo34 · 02/07/2013 13:34

People do go on about especially liking red hair because its is unusual Worra, just like white blonde hair. I agree with cornflowerb. Or very curly hair.
Anything out of the ordinary and you'll always get loads of comments I think.
It isn't false, it's natural - you notice it more, standing out from the crowd.

MonstersDontCry · 02/07/2013 13:36

My DP is Ginger and drives a White van!

gymboywalton · 02/07/2013 13:42
MyNameIsAnAnagram · 02/07/2013 13:50

Yup, annoys me too. Ds2 is 7 weeks old and has a gorgeous full head if red hair. I got the first "joke" about it when he was 3 weeks old.

ChewingOnLifesGristle · 02/07/2013 14:02

Well said Worra. I have gingerish hair (it's got a bit darker over the yaers but still quite red) too much over enthusiasm extolling its vitues is also grating. I can't say I give it much thought really until its mentioned for whatever reason.

Equally so regarding being tall. I'm also tall so are dc. Blimey people don't half go on about it. I've run out of repliesConfused One thing's for sure I don't go round commenting on people's short children in the positive or negative.

Back to Hams original post, the 'friend' is a fool.