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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To Think Accidental Pregnancy Does Exist?

159 replies

TigOldBitties · 01/07/2013 19:59

Just had a very bizarre conversation with mother collecting DDs friend.

I won't list of the exact details of the conversation, but on discussing a certain topic it came to light that she doesn't believe anyone accidentally gets pregnant.

I informed her it bloody well does, I've 3 of my 5 DC as evidence. She then scoffed at this and gave me a wink before walking off with her DD.

She used the sentence, "everyone knows accidents are bullshit, people never buy that excuse". Is this true? Or have I been bullshitting my way through the past 20 years without realising.

I feel quite annoyed that she implied I was lying. I'm a confrontational person but as this is DD's new friend I was trying to keep it under control.

AIBU to think its pretty fucking obvious, especially to those with a child or just basic sex education, how one might become pregnant by accident?

OP posts:

McNewPants2013 · 01/07/2013 20:30

i don't believe it exsist, even if you are on contraception there is a faliure rate.

Even permanent ways of preventing pregnancy there is a faliure rate.

if you have sex it could result in a pregnancy

GibberTheMonkey · 01/07/2013 20:30

Two of my four were (happy accidents) dc3 I was on the pill, no illness, no missed ones or any of the obvious reasons, it was cilest though which I have since found out isn't great.
Because of the pill failure we were using condoms for dc4. Still no idea quite what happened, condom hadn't obviously split or anything but something obviously failed.
I did get pregnant right off with my first two (when trying) so we're pretty fertile.
Dh has since had the snip and the all clear. Even now I wouldn't be surprised

SolidGoldBrass · 01/07/2013 20:33

DS was an accident. I thought I was infertile so (for the only time EVER) wasn't particularly careful.

THing is, though, some people are simply more fertile than others.

specialsubject · 01/07/2013 20:35

it does happen, and if you are going to play hide the sausage it is a risk you have to accept. A small risk if you use real contraception (Not withdrawal) but a risk nonetheless.

the grown up bit is realising this and being prepared for the consequences.

ReallyTired · 01/07/2013 20:36

I had one accident and one planned. I think that pregnancy is an occupational hazard of having sex! The human race would not number 7 billion if accidents didn't happen.

There is the very cruel and harsh opinon that a woman can have an abortion if she has an unwanted pregnancy in the UK. However life is never that simple.

Original poster

TigOldBitties · 01/07/2013 20:36

Why am I so cross? Because it seems such a fucking stupid thing to say, totally dismisses my experience and the way she said it felt very much like she was implying I was lying.

It had this sort of "keep telling yourself that love" attitude about it, which has pissed me off.

I also don't think 3 is that shocking. DS1 is not with DH, but have been with DH over 20 years, say on average sex 3 times a week, although more in the beginning, taking off the weeks I've had my period, we've probably had sex over 2500 times, those 3 pregnancies fall well within the failure rate.

OP posts:

thebody · 01/07/2013 20:36

Frank!! 'Unless you fall and slip on a cock'

Mumsnet quote of week! 😃😃

sydlexic · 01/07/2013 20:37

I know it happens but I suspect not as often as is claimed.

LalyRawr · 01/07/2013 20:37

I was on the pill AND using condoms.

My accident is currently asleep in her cot.

The only sure fire way to not get pregnant is to not have sex.

havingamadmoment · 01/07/2013 20:40

1 of my 5 was accidental, the first 4 carefully planned the last a surprise.
I was breastfeeding and hadnt had a perios since dc4 was born and we didnt have sex. We did "other stuff" and apparently one little sperm managed to get close enough to goal to make dc5. So I got pregnant the first chance I could have had since having dc4 without even having sex in between the two babies . I feel it was pretty accidental.

GibberTheMonkey · 01/07/2013 20:40

Saying knowing that sex can create pregnancy so there's no such thing as an accident is like saying someone who gets hit by a car crossing the road after having looked both ways and the road can't claim it was an accident because they know there are cars on roads.
(Not using contraception is like walking out without looking or listening)

wannabeawallaby · 01/07/2013 20:41

Not taking your pill properly is not an accident IMO

I don't know anyone in real life who has got pregnancy accidentally. Plenty who just chanced it, being a bit frivolous with their contraception - but no accidents.

Corygal · 01/07/2013 20:43

I'm shocked - and delighted - by these happy accidents! I don't know anyone who's ever been pregnant by accident - lack of contraception, yes, not wanting it, yes, but not an accident to be had.

Such lovely stories here.

Damnautocorrect · 01/07/2013 20:44

I've a 4 year old surprise, was on the pill and took the morning after!

Solari · 01/07/2013 20:47

None of the contraception methods are actually 100% effective, which means there will always be a small failure rate.

On a population level, even a small failure rate (say 1%) is going to result in a lot of accidental pregnancies every year.

That's not to say a lot of accidents aren't preventable or the result of carelessness, but even with perfect use, there are still accidents (including after sterilisation!)

Satnightdropout · 01/07/2013 20:49

My first was a accident. A true accident, but also down to myown stupidness as I had come off the pill to go on implant and was under the impression that it stayed in your system for a bit longer than a week, lol.

However, I know a woman who says all 7 of her kids were "accidents"....the last one she was apparently on the pill, hadjust come off her period and used a condom - some women would kill to have her fertility, lol.

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 01/07/2013 20:49

I'm currently pregnant with DC2. DS is 7 months.

I was breastfeeding him so my periods were very erratic and had just come back. DH and I managed a shag one morning when he was 4 mo ths old and voila!

I obviously knew that pregnancy could be a risk but I thought by the law of averages that the risk was veeeerryy small. It wasn't a disaster for us - although a bit if a shock - if it had been, I would have abstained or made sure we had used contraception

However, bearing in mind I had just turned 35, according to the daily mail I should practically be infertile, therefore I thought a one off shag would be pretty safe

SchroSawMargeryDaw · 01/07/2013 20:49

I'm 10 days post giving birth to DS2, who was an accident. I was using the nuvaring, it was still in place when I took the pregnancy test and it hadn't been removed except to be changed since I went on it.

Total accident and I really wasn't happy to find out I was pregnant again so definitely not an 'accidently on purpose' thing.

Very happy now though.

IsThatTrue · 01/07/2013 20:50

Dd was an accident, best damned accident of my life but an accident none the less.

I was on the pill and using condoms. She's 8yo now. Ds1 and ds2 were very much planned.

YANBU

ShowOfHands · 01/07/2013 20:51

Your friend would have got an absolute mouthful from me I'm afraid. Well not really because I'm wholly pathetic at confrontation. I may have burst into tears. I fell pregnant accidentally. I was on the pill and using condoms. No user error. I ended up in a family planning clinic, having a panic attack and sobbing with unbridled fear. It was the worst period of my life.

How dare she?

ragged · 01/07/2013 20:54

40% of the people living are the result of unplanned pregnancy? I think that's the statistic. Almost all of my & DH's close relatives (and us ourselves).

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts · 01/07/2013 20:54

Three of my four children resulted from contraception malfunction.

mini pill, taken correctly but just didn't work
just condom
different brand mini pill plus condom

My body defies contraception. DH has now had the snip!!

ReindeerBollocks · 01/07/2013 20:56

Schro congratulations on DS2 - ten days old he probably still smells of new baby smell doesn't he?

Of course accidental pregnancies can happen - even when using condoms, pill and morning after pill. The only sure fire way is to abstain, but a contraceptive failure (when used properly) that results in pregnancy is clearly accidental.

NeverKnowinglyUnderstood · 01/07/2013 20:58

alot of the failure rates of the hormone based contraceptions are weight related.

(don's hard hat)

the mount of hormone is calculated on a certain weight of person, as an over weight lady myself (13 st @ 5ft 7") the gp suggested there is research to suggest I should perhaps be taking more than one tablet a day.

I have to be honest and say that I feel that the phrase unexpected or unplanned is correct.. rather than accident. certainly your first description of accident for me would not count as accident.

McNewPants2013 · 01/07/2013 20:58

Its nice to hear that all pregnancy that wasn't planned have had happy outcomes.

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