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AIBU?

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Original poster

Wibu to breastfeed my friends baby?

303 replies

thepigflu · 01/07/2013 12:51

So he's been crying for 45 minutes, my friend has only been away for 2 and a half hours, she said she'd be about 3hours but she's not answering her phone. I've tried everything but he's so distressed, twisting his head around searching for a feed. I'm not sure how my friend would take it but I'm thinking I'll just feed him, is that wrong?

OP posts:
thebody · 01/07/2013 21:22

Anyone can be HIV positive. You may not know that about your dearest friend or even about yourself.

It's not ever a good idea to bf someone rises baby unless the parent agrees.

Why would anyone leave a baby for 3 hours anyway without feed either express or formula. Very silly.

Go to nearest shop and buy some.

Mind you hope she's back now, haven't read last few pages.

Gruntfuttock · 01/07/2013 21:25

"If I had to leave my ebf baby with a friend and an emergency prevented me from getting back in time to feed her, then I'd be incredibly grateful if said friend breastfed her."

That's precisely how I feel.

NinaJade666 · 01/07/2013 21:28

If I was in the OP's position then this is what I would do. As I breastfeed my own child still I have an electric pump so I would express some milk and try the baby with a bottle of my expressed BM, if that didn't work I'd try it in a doidy cup. If that didn't work I would breastfeed the baby all the while still re-dialing to try to get in contact. If I was the mother who had disappeared/got stuck in traffic with dead phone battery/been in an accident, then I would be happy with the steps above to be taken to console my baby.

HeffalumpTheFlump · 01/07/2013 21:28

Solari, I think you might be right about the gut feeling of protectiveness and possesiveness. I also feel it has to do with the sexualisation of breasts. To me, anyone but a child's biological mother putting their breast in their mouth is repulsive because the biological link does not cancel out that side of things if that makes sense?

I will however admit that I personally have struggled with the idea of putting my breast in my baby's mouth when the time comes (I'm currently pregnant and very much want to bf). This is because until now, the only time anyone has put my breasts in their mouth has been in a sexual situation. Its difficult to stop looking at breasts in that light anyway.

NinaJade666 · 01/07/2013 21:32

I have to say I find it puzzling that many posters seem to think giving the (exclusively breast fed) baby breast milk without 'permission' is out of order, but giving it formula is perfectly fine...

Gruntfuttock · 01/07/2013 21:35

Heffalump, then you have completely lost sight of what breasts are for. I remember being asked by my midwife whether I was planning to breastfeed and replying "Of course! That's what they're for" and the midwife said "Oh it's so nice to hear someone finally say that. So many younger (I was ancient) mothers say that they think breastfeeding is disgusting because they associate breasts with sex".

Gruntfuttock · 01/07/2013 21:36

NinaJade666 I agree with you, it's an incomprehensible attitude to me.

HeffalumpTheFlump · 01/07/2013 21:41

Grunt - in my first post I made it clear that i know that feeding is exactly what breasts are for. However that really doesn't change the fact that before i fell pregnant my breasts were very much a part of my sex life. I would be lying if I said the transition in my mind had been anything but confusing and actually quite difficult.

I don't feel though that I have totally lost sight of what they are for as I am not in any way disgusted by bfing, and desperately want to feed my baby that way. It has just taken some adjustment of my view of my breasts.

AndHarry · 01/07/2013 21:47

I think the OP has disappeared but FWIW I would have done these steps until something worked:

  1. Offered the baby water in a bottle;
  2. Offered the baby water in a cup;
  3. Expressed some milk and offered in a bottle if the baby had had any idea of what to do with it when I offered water, if not then in a cup;
  4. Breastfed the baby.

Today was baking hot. I couldn't go 3 hours without a drink, let alone a tiny baby.

If the situation was reversed and I'd been held up and uncontactable Hmm I'd have no problem with my friend breastfeeding my baby.

fengirl1 · 01/07/2013 22:02

Fwiw, I would have loved for someone to be able to feed my dds when I couldn't (as long as they were healthy) and would have loved to do the same for someone else. People did years ago and never thought twice about it.

Chunderella · 01/07/2013 22:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Flossie82 · 01/07/2013 22:08

Why express? If you are going to give the baby your breastmilk, how is it better expressed? Just more hassle and more potential for the baby to refuse it. Same risk of transmission of anything that may be in the milk

HeffalumpTheFlump · 01/07/2013 22:17

That's really quite interesting chunderella, I find evolution fascinating. I think I personally would go with the idea that breast tissue has evolved to attract a mate.

Although I didn't agree with grunts judgement of my attitude towards my breasts, I do agree with some of what she said. I have spoken to quite a few friends who are disgusted by the idea of breast feeding and I do feel that they have lost sight of one of the main purposes of breasts. A large proportion of my friends (mainly in their early 20's if that's relevant) have chosen to ff, as bfing is seen as a bit gross. It's a shame really.

Chunderella · 01/07/2013 22:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

weakestlink · 01/07/2013 22:35

I would be very upset if someone else breastfed my baby without talking to me first!!!!

HeffalumpTheFlump · 01/07/2013 22:37

Ooh good point! You may be right on the snugglyness factor then (to put it ever so scientifically).

scottishmummy · 01/07/2013 22:39

Good grief,it's intrusive and inappropriate to bf someone baby without consent

AndHarry · 01/07/2013 22:41

Flossie I'd express first because if my friend did have a problem with me breastfeeding her baby I'd want us both to know that I'd exhausted the other options first.

urmydarlings · 01/07/2013 22:43

op where are you? update please

tungthai · 02/07/2013 07:15

Where does it say that the baby is exclusively bf? The OP doesn't state whether he is bf or ff.

SoupDragon · 02/07/2013 07:23

thepigflu Mon 01-Jul-13 12:58:19

He's three months old and exclusively breastfed

Chunderella · 02/07/2013 08:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kungfupannda · 02/07/2013 08:15

I suspect that this is all a bit hypothetical since the OP has posted and run, but who in their right minds agrees to look after a 3 month old EBF baby without any discussion about how said baby should be fed? Surely it's the first thing you would ask? The OP hasn't suggested that this was an emergency of any sort.

But, if there genuinely was no discussion, and the baby had been crying for food for nearly an hour, I would absolutely feed it. Ideally with expressed milk, but if there was none, or the baby wouldn't take a bottle, I would feed directly. And if the baby's mother had a go at me about it, she would be finding herself another babysitter and another friend.

What kind of person leaves a small baby for a planned 3 hours absence without making any sort of provision for the baby to be fed? And is then uncontactable? If the mother has that little care for whether or not her baby is hungry and distressed, then she can shout and yell all she likes after the fact.

At some point the baby has to be fed. How long should it be left in distress before it is acceptable to take whatever measures necessary to do so? The mother's feelings do not take priority over the basic physical needs of a 3 month old baby.

Polyethyl · 02/07/2013 08:26

If you trust a friend enough to leave your baby with them in loco parentis, then you should trust them to make decisions about feeding a distressed baby.

I would be ok with my friend feeding my baby - in the unlikely event of me not having left a bottle of expressed milk. After all it wasn't long ago that wet nurses were common.

Justforlaughs · 02/07/2013 08:35

I'm sincerely hoping that if the mother still hasn't shown up, that the OP has fed the baby! Where are you OP?

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