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AIBU?

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Original poster

Wibu to breastfeed my friends baby?

303 replies

thepigflu · 01/07/2013 12:51

So he's been crying for 45 minutes, my friend has only been away for 2 and a half hours, she said she'd be about 3hours but she's not answering her phone. I've tried everything but he's so distressed, twisting his head around searching for a feed. I'm not sure how my friend would take it but I'm thinking I'll just feed him, is that wrong?

OP posts:
catgirl1976 · 01/07/2013 20:45

Perhaps you could shag her husband as well? Save her a job Hmm

Sorry, but no. No way

Solari · 01/07/2013 20:49

Having sex with someone else's husband isn't remotely comparable to giving food to a hungry baby that is wailing for it, and won't understand having to wait or anything beyond that it is feeling pain and no one is doing anything about it.

If its the 'breast to mouth' contact that is so bothersome, the milk can be expressed (and this is what I would do in the absence of any alternative).

libertyflip · 01/07/2013 20:49

In this situation I would go to the nearest shop and buy formula. Would no way feed somebody else's baby.

Nagoo · 01/07/2013 20:49

I would BF the baby, I'm not going to starve it.

Sacrebleu · 01/07/2013 20:51

I'd much rather my baby was breastfed by a trusted friend than given powdered, reconstituted cows' milk.

I can't believe people really think the breastmilk of a trusted friend is riskier than feeding a previously EBF baby formula. Shock

I agree it's strange behaviour by the baby's mother. What if she's been in an accident though?

TidyDancer · 01/07/2013 20:53

catgirl, that might be the most ridiculous post I have seen in the three years I have been posting on this site.

How dare you compare shagging someone to feeding a baby.

catgirl1976 · 01/07/2013 20:53

Solaria - it is to me.

In terms of intimacy and the exchange of bodily fluids

But I am Shock anyone would leave an EBF baby for 3 hours with no expressed milk and not answer their phone.

Solari · 01/07/2013 20:53

I agree that I would buy formula first personally if it were available, but if not, this would be my course of action until the mother showed up:

comfort and rock baby -> give baby teaspoons of water, let it suck something -> give formula if available -> give expressed breastmilk if formula not available

Never would I leave that baby screaming without any nourishment. That's neglect.

Signet2012 · 01/07/2013 20:54

My dd is bf.

If I left her with someone without appropriate means to feed her and she was distressed I would be ok with my friend feeding her. I certainly wouldn't go mad. If I felt funny about it I would hopefully accept my lack of foresight and organisation causes the situation and my friend acted in what she thought was best to do.

Solari · 01/07/2013 20:54

catgirl1976 But how do you feel about children drinking cow's milk? Does that imply a level of intimacy with the cow? I'm not being sarcastic, I genuinely simply cannot understand that way of looking at it. The 'breast to mouth' contact I can get, but that can be worked around (expressing).

catgirl1976 · 01/07/2013 20:55

Tidy - It's the level of intimacy I think. My post was not meant to be offensive, but it would feel on the same level to me somehow.

I would feel really upset if someone else fed my baby. I can't explain it rationally, it's an instinctive thing.

But I wouldn't leave my baby without food in someone elses care, so I am unlikely to have to face that issue.

TidyDancer · 01/07/2013 20:56

I'm glad you can see its not rational. And I would hope that you'd realise it's better for a baby to be nourished than to scream just because of a mother's feelings.

I still maintain your original post was ridiculous and offensive tbh.

catgirl1976 · 01/07/2013 20:57

I get your point Solari - but the health risks would bother me too (however unlikely)

Of course, I would rather someone fed my baby than let it starve, but if I was the OPs friend and I walked in the door just before the 3 hours was up and found her feeding my DS I would be very upset.

I still don't understand someone leaving a tiny baby with no expressed milk so I am sympathetic to the OP - must be horrible hearing a small baby cry with hunger

I just have a strong, gut reaction to someone else feeding my baby which doesn't really stand up to logic, but I can't help it

catgirl1976 · 01/07/2013 20:58

I still maintain your original post was ridiculous and offensive tbh.

Then I apologise.

Solari · 01/07/2013 20:59

TidyDancer I agree with you, it actually makes me feel sick to my stomach that someone thinks their feelings about 'intimacy' with their baby should be more important than their baby screaming with hunger pains.

But I thought your reply was more open and thoughtful than your first post catgirl1976, and I'm genuinely interested in understanding where the point of view stems from.

mrsjay · 01/07/2013 21:00

Did the OP come back ?

Solari · 01/07/2013 21:00

X-post catgirl1976 Smile

catgirl1976 · 01/07/2013 21:01

I honestly dont know Solaris

I appreciate it's not rational, it's just my gut reaction

IwishIwasmoreorganised · 01/07/2013 21:05

No sign of OP?! Shock

AmyFarrahFowlerCooper · 01/07/2013 21:06

I suppose its kind of a moot point really for me thinking about it because I'd always leave extra milk just in case. But as horrible as it sounds, I would rather the baby cry for one time for half an hour or so until I got back, than they drink my friends milk. My friend may be lovely and clean and think she is free of HIV etc but I still wouldn't want her milk in my baby.

Solari · 01/07/2013 21:07

I wonder if its something to do with that deep down visceral protectiveness/possessiveness we all have over our own children, and the strong desire to assert ourselves in the mother role, and prevent anyone else from 'taking over'.

Just speaking from my own experience, I know after my baby was born, it took me a while to get used to other people even holding him. I just didn't like it, on a deep 'gut' level, and felt like I was growling inside every time someone took him from me.

Of course, that wasn't rational on my part either, but it did exist nevertheless.

AmyFarrahFowlerCooper · 01/07/2013 21:07

I'd be wondering "what if" for ages afterwards and if would feel like a violation of my trust for her to do it without permission.

Chunderella · 01/07/2013 21:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

catgirl1976 · 01/07/2013 21:15

I think that's exactly it Solari

And, having given it some thought, if I was rushed to hospital or something, and a friend fed my baby because he was hungry and there was no expressed milk etc, whilst my first reaction would be to be upset and distressed my lasting reaction would be relief my baby got fed, not matter how I might feel about it

Does that make sense?

Mind you, I feel a bit funny when he comes back from nursery and smells of someone else, so perhaps I am a bit PFB. I always feel like a ewe whose lamb has been handled by humans and smells wrong or something Confused

Nellabutterfly · 01/07/2013 21:17

If I had to leave my ebf baby with a friend and an emergency prevented me from getting back in time to feed her, then I'd be incredibly grateful if said friend breastfed her.

In fact, what would touch me most would be the risk that my (hypothetical) friend would be taking that I'd be pissed off with her for doing it, if that makes any sense...