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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to strangle DD (16). She insisted she did not want to go to her school Prom until today - the day of the prom!

663 replies

Lionessy · 27/06/2013 14:09

As her circle of friends had decided they did not want to go, she decided she did not want to either. Was not cool apparently Hmm and they did not have a dates (probably because all the boys are scared of them!).

I went ahead a bought her ticket anyway as I hoped she would come to her senses. What teenage girl would'nt want to dress up in a beautiful dress, glam up and go out to a country mansion for a posh dinner and disco with all their school friends huh?

This morning, after leavers assembly at 10.15am, she finally caves in and wants to go Angry. Cue me rushing around all morning like a blue arsed fly getting a spray tan organised, nails, buying the ruddy dress (luckily we hit the jackpot and found a gorgeous one), underwear, jewellery etc.

I am now knackered and want to go back to bed. Luckily DH has the day off (told him to book it off in case she changed her mind) so he can drive her to the venue an hour away. Everyone else of course, is going in a limo. DD will have to arrive in our old jalopy as she told the girls booking transport she was not going! She has just had a tantrum as to why we can't find her a limo at a few hours notice Hmm.

AIBU to want to strangle her?

One of her friends, who also was not going, has also now decided to go so her mum has had to get onto to the school as she was in tears about it, begging them to get her a ticket! Another friend (the ring leader, who decided not to go) was also upset about not when we just bumped into her in town as she now sees that she's made a mistake.

OP posts:
LastTangoInDevonshire · 27/06/2013 16:27

If she'd have been mine she would be contemplating her untanned navel in her bedroom for the evening!

pommedechocolat · 27/06/2013 16:28

mrsjay - its weird. Your 16 yr old daughter says she wants to go to the prom so you go and change her skin colour to get her 'ready'.

Spray tans are shit and weird for adults imho (you're white and live in no summer england, get over it) let alone children (under 18's are children).

specialsubject · 27/06/2013 16:28

no, I haven't got teenagers but I was one, happily in an era before all this crap. My parents would have told me where to go if I'd done what your daughter did.

missing an overdone kiddy party is not the end of the world.

larrygrylls · 27/06/2013 16:28

"lol at larry send them up a chimney too"

Oh, you would have "lolled" at my parents and most of my friends' parents too, as we were growing up. We had allowances from about 14 and had to choose what to buy out of them. Every summer hol, from age 16 onwards, we looked for work to give us extra money. Sure, our parents were generous at times, too, but we did appreciate the value of money and that choices needed to be made.

MrsJay,

Fake tan is pretty naff but I think that you are missing the point. People are going on about it because it is the mother getting excited about it, not her daughter.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 27/06/2013 16:28

middleaged

Fair point, but we were teenage girls, under a similar amount of pressure. What seems to have changed is the involvement some parents have in their DCs lives, and their willingness to mop up to this extent

Ashoething · 27/06/2013 16:29

I don't have anything against spray tans per se mrsjay-they are not for me as I prefer to be pale and interesting. I think the point many posters were trying to make is why we feel the need to encourage our children to feel they need such things.

Kizzit · 27/06/2013 16:29

middleagedspread I'm one of the criticisers and my DD's Prom is less than 2 weeks ago.....

specialsubject · 27/06/2013 16:29

I also don't understand why she needs to go as an oompa-loompa? If she went out of doors on sunny days she'd have a light tan anyway, no need to sunbathe.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 27/06/2013 16:30

larry

I had a Saturday job from 14 until I left to go to University.

Oh God, this could turn into a Monty Python sketch....

EliotNess · 27/06/2013 16:30

you cant get work now under 16

larry could obvs

EliotNess · 27/06/2013 16:31

I am excited by my son's suit
i really am he looks SOOPER

Ashoething · 27/06/2013 16:32

Nowt wrong with wanting to wear a pretty dress/smart suit etc. But spray tans.fake nails,fake eyelashes-nope sorry I just think it is taking it all too far. It makes pretty young teenagers look like hard faced 40 something women! Why would you encourage your child to look like that?Confused

Original poster
Lionessy · 27/06/2013 16:32

The spray tan was due to a zit outbreak that meant DD had very pale skin but lots of red marks (almost cleared up) over her back and chest! Can't see them now, so result and well worth £15 at the local salon. She feels better for it which is all that matters.

She will look nothing like a stripper, lap dancer or TOWIE extra thanks. Her dress is ankle length chiffon with a beaded bustier and she will look like a Greek goddess when she's finished her hair which is very long and now full of ringlets.

Tantrum's all over and she is now very happy. She has had a hard time fitting in at school as she's very sensitive and hates the bullying, bitching and rumour mongering that has been going on so she has got herself into scrapes defending other people and getting involved in other's problems.

Hopefully she will have a great time this evening and put it all behind her but she will have plenty of chores to do over the weekend!

OP posts:
Kizzit · 27/06/2013 16:33

Elliot yes you can.DD worked as office help on Saturday from 13 and in a beauty salon from 15yo.

larrygrylls · 27/06/2013 16:33

Eliot,

Firstly, I said I worked from age 16 but, even before then, I managed an allowance from my parents. Secondly, work can be cleaning the family car on a Saturday morning or loading the dishwasher after every meal. I don't think that has been outlawed yet.

EliotNess · 27/06/2013 16:33

i wish i could do eyelashes

I LOVE them

boredoftrying · 27/06/2013 16:33

Blimey there are some nasty comments on this thread! I don't have a teenager yet but I remember being one and a bloody nightmare one I was but with something as special as a prom my Mum would have bent over backwards to help me out. Yes she has been a pain in the arse changing her mind but she is 16!! I hope she had a fab time and feels grateful for her fab parents.

flowery · 27/06/2013 16:33

"flowery just you wait...

To be honest, I don't think the DD will even think she is being rude.

I don't think op really thinks its cool her DD was so rude ...but when you get there you will remember this thread"

Oh I'm quite certain my two will be outrageously rude and ungrateful on occasion and will not at all be perfect. The consequences of that will just be rather different to those experienced by the OPs DD that's all.

HandMini · 27/06/2013 16:34

When I was 16. I made terrible fashion choices - great wedgey white platforms, henna died hair, goth phase, blue nail varnish. I am now totally boring, mumsy, jeans and jumper type!

Why shouldn't teens experiment with how they want to look. If the OPs daughter were going for an emo look, you wouldn't all be so snobby, its just fake tan and nail varnish that has set a lot of middle class teeth om edge.

Just because a 16 year old wants to do some "mainstream" fashion stuff for her prom doesnt mean she'll be having a boob job at 21 and never understanding a feminist principle.

Ashoething · 27/06/2013 16:34

I wouldn't have thought putting a whole load of chemical crap over spot marked skin would have been the best idea? Maybe irritate the already sensitive skin?

I am sure she will have a lovely time op.

Original poster
Lionessy · 27/06/2013 16:35

Should have said she was bothered about the zit marks not me.

OP posts:
Kizzit · 27/06/2013 16:35

Lionesssy unfortunately she will look 50 shades of orange by the time it's 10pm as these fake tans darken throughout the first 24hrs. Hope she has a fun evening though (sincerely)

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 27/06/2013 16:36

Lionessy

Will her going fit in with the bullies? Or was her reluctance to go because they were the ones saying it wasn't cool?

I can understand why her going/not going in these circumstances was important to you

thebody · 27/06/2013 16:36

Larry, by your own admission you have 2 small boys so respectfully day you don't have a flying fucks idea of raising a teenage girl do you?

Re fake tan, or spray tan? It's a safe option rather than lying in the sun and who says you look like an oompa lumpa? How silly.

There is a sneering attitude here to girls for want of a better word ' glamming up' and it's very stupid. It's the sort of mysogynist crap of the 70s where you were either pretty and stupid or plain but clever.

Indian hand painting is essentially skin makeup and so is fake tan. One is respected because its seen as ok while the other is slapperish. It's double standards.

TigOldBitties · 27/06/2013 16:37

It's not encouraging them to change their skin colour, that would be "go on have a tan, you'll look great".

For most us its facilitating what they want without any input from us. I don't use tan, I don't like the maintenance (Although lots of people do, without looking like Oompa Loompas), but if my teen wants to have a tan, I don't think my personal preference is really relevant. At that age their image is their choice. Going along with it is very different to encouraging it.

I also don't think it's sexualising young girls, they're 16, they legally can have sex and lots of them are already. Aso final to see what's sexual about a tan, unles syou are going to say all interest in appearance is sexual, in which case we should be worrying about all the hair obsessed 6 year olds I know.

And the boys here do quite a bit of preening too.

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