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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to strangle DD (16). She insisted she did not want to go to her school Prom until today - the day of the prom!

663 replies

Lionessy · 27/06/2013 14:09

As her circle of friends had decided they did not want to go, she decided she did not want to either. Was not cool apparently Hmm and they did not have a dates (probably because all the boys are scared of them!).

I went ahead a bought her ticket anyway as I hoped she would come to her senses. What teenage girl would'nt want to dress up in a beautiful dress, glam up and go out to a country mansion for a posh dinner and disco with all their school friends huh?

This morning, after leavers assembly at 10.15am, she finally caves in and wants to go Angry. Cue me rushing around all morning like a blue arsed fly getting a spray tan organised, nails, buying the ruddy dress (luckily we hit the jackpot and found a gorgeous one), underwear, jewellery etc.

I am now knackered and want to go back to bed. Luckily DH has the day off (told him to book it off in case she changed her mind) so he can drive her to the venue an hour away. Everyone else of course, is going in a limo. DD will have to arrive in our old jalopy as she told the girls booking transport she was not going! She has just had a tantrum as to why we can't find her a limo at a few hours notice Hmm.

AIBU to want to strangle her?

One of her friends, who also was not going, has also now decided to go so her mum has had to get onto to the school as she was in tears about it, begging them to get her a ticket! Another friend (the ring leader, who decided not to go) was also upset about not when we just bumped into her in town as she now sees that she's made a mistake.

OP posts:
larrygrylls · 27/06/2013 16:37

Bored,

It is not nasty to encourage young people to make their own decisions and deal with the consequences (obviously helping them out if they are really struggling). It is actually empowering. It is unkind to infantilise a person who is nearly an adult. Parenting is not just about giving in to every whim. That is very unkind in the long run.

I don't think not going to a prom that you have elected not to go to is an unreasonable consequence for a 16 year old.

HouseAtreides · 27/06/2013 16:37

People seem to be thinking that fake tan = looking like Ronseal. Most fake tans look completely natural and just give a 'healthy glow'. It's the shit or overdone ones that you notice- I bet you speak to a fair few people in a day who've had a fake tan and you don't know it.

KnittedWaffle · 27/06/2013 16:37

I don't think she sounds spoilt. I think you sound like an awesome, understanding mum. Teenagers often don't know their own minds even though they think they do and it's a good job you know her as well as you do otherwise should would have missed out because of her peers.

She'll thank you for it when she's much older. (Trust me, I know - I was a nightmare teen too)

HandMini · 27/06/2013 16:37

Prize for most passive aggressive post ever: unfortunately she will look 50 shades of orange by the time it's 10pm as these fake tans darken throughout the first 24hrs. Hope she has a fun evening though (sincerely)

thebody · 27/06/2013 16:38

Hand, spot on you put it much better than I did.

SauvignonBlanche · 27/06/2013 16:39

I'd love to know how many of you criticisers have actually been through this with your teens yet?
I have - last week.

DizzyZebra · 27/06/2013 16:39

Lol. You're nicer than me, I wouldn't be pandering to some Americanised tacky disco.

Lolling at the 'its so much more' comment,

Its not lol.

Ashoething · 27/06/2013 16:40

Did anyone see Katie price on Loose women?-fake tan,fake eyelashes,fake hair etc . Is it a good look really? because I have to say I have failed to find much love for miss price on mnHmm

Why would you want to encourage a teenager to look like that?

Ashoething · 27/06/2013 16:41

"missed out"-I am clearly missing out on the significance of a glorified disco. It is quite clear that this is a far bigger deal to the parent than to the kids.

EldritchCleavage · 27/06/2013 16:42

I think that having spray tan does not automatically equal 'looking like Jordan', though. Other fake tan looks are available.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 27/06/2013 16:43

I have no problem with Proms

But I would prefer they were called A Leavers' Party

HerRoyalNotness · 27/06/2013 16:44

I'm pretty sure I'd do the same as you OP. However come saturday morning, breakfast in bed for YOU made by DD, wouldn't go amiss.

I hope she has a wonderful time.

yamsareyammy · 27/06/2013 16:44

Well done op.
I dont and didnt bend over backwards all the time for mine, but for something as important and memorable as this,then yes,I would have done, and well done.
Though personally, after all the hype has blown over, I would be talking to her about certain matters [confess not read the entire thread, so may post again, with what certain matters, later]

oh, and hope you all have a lovely time.

Kizzit · 27/06/2013 16:44

only speaking from experience,not used one myself,but a lot of DD's friends have had them done and she had one herself. Nothing against them at all,just fact that they darken over the first 24 hrs until you are allowed to shower and exfoliate. I was aware my post might come across as PA,hence I added 'sincerely' to the last sentence.
I may not agree with OP's actions,does not mean I don't wish her DD a fab time though....

Ashoething · 27/06/2013 16:44

Im sure they are eldritch-as I said I have never had one. I do have a sister who was addicted to sunbeds though and is now paying the price with her skin.

I for one would rather encourage my daughter to accept and rejoice in her Scottish peely wally skinGrin

HandMini · 27/06/2013 16:44

Shoe - why do you think following those fashion trends is wrong? Because Katie Price does it?

Women are so much more than their appearance.

It's OK to dress however the hell you want.

If you don't like a certain look, like false nails, don't wear them, but don't jibe at those who do. Especially not 16 year olds who are developing or yet to develop a sense of what they really like and what really suits them and may well just want to follow a mainstream style.

ICantRememberWhatSheSaid · 27/06/2013 16:45

I think proms are great. The DCs have (hopefully) been working hard and it is lovely for them to have a chance to have a party with their friends.
It is all a bit over the top but that is why it is so much fun. My DCs have all really enjoyed theirs. I have enjoyed helping them choose what to wear and helping them get ready (no fake tans thankfully - but if they wanted them I would have let them)

I think fake tans are a bit grim but they are no less grim than the god awful perms and shoulder pads that my generation had when we were the same age.

Just let them enjoy it and have fun.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 27/06/2013 16:45

Hmm, not sure about the fake tan issue

When I was a teen in the '80s (natural) tans were v v fashionable and I was never capable of getting one. I suspect if their had been a mainstream alternative that for a special occssion I might have wanted one.

But tough shit if I'd left it too late to decide

TSSDNCOP · 27/06/2013 16:45

I'd do it too OP. Heck I'd have organised a limo too Grin

And I'm having a spray tan in 49 minutes time, because I'm wearing a strappy dress to a party on Saturday.

For Gods sake unclench. Sorting out a prom isn't going to irrevocably fuck up a DD in years to come. You're allowed to be a twit at 16 sometimes, and your DPs are allowed to help you out of your twittiness.

TigOldBitties · 27/06/2013 16:45

But can't you see there are varying degrees of it all.

My point about the Middletons earlier is that they use fake tan, fake hair and fake eyelashes and its quite a different look to TOWIE. Look at Lisa Eldridge, she's done videos on fake tan, and lashes etc if used in a certain way they just enhance. You only notice the bad overdone ones.

I have very thin hair and eyelashes. I have extensions (NOT human hair) and eyelash extensions. People never believe me when I say this because I have them done in an understated way so it just looks like I have lusciously thick hair and naturally long eyelashes.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 27/06/2013 16:47

there not their in my post above

Ashoething · 27/06/2013 16:48

Its ok to dress how ever the hell you want-yep it is. But they are not really dressing how they want. They are dressing to fit in with a media led ideal of how young women should look nowadays-an overtly sexual look imo.

Do you really think its a coincidence that many young girls nowadays shave off all their pubic hair?- I know this is going off topic by the way.

HollyBerryBush · 27/06/2013 16:48

Oh Hark at you lot with your 1980's puff ball skirts, big hair and shoulder pads thinking you were the epitome of style and fashion with electric blue eyeliner and heather shimmer lipstick! Not to mention the lemon juice and sun-in combo on top of a Bucks Fizz perm, back combed.

Meanwhile, back in reality, I'd have done everything you did OP - with the exception of the limo. That would have gone by-the-by

Justfornowitwilldo · 27/06/2013 16:48

Your DD is very lucky.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 27/06/2013 16:48

Tig

"MN" is not great at seeing there are "varying degrees of it all" Wink