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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to strangle DD (16). She insisted she did not want to go to her school Prom until today - the day of the prom!

663 replies

Lionessy · 27/06/2013 14:09

As her circle of friends had decided they did not want to go, she decided she did not want to either. Was not cool apparently Hmm and they did not have a dates (probably because all the boys are scared of them!).

I went ahead a bought her ticket anyway as I hoped she would come to her senses. What teenage girl would'nt want to dress up in a beautiful dress, glam up and go out to a country mansion for a posh dinner and disco with all their school friends huh?

This morning, after leavers assembly at 10.15am, she finally caves in and wants to go Angry. Cue me rushing around all morning like a blue arsed fly getting a spray tan organised, nails, buying the ruddy dress (luckily we hit the jackpot and found a gorgeous one), underwear, jewellery etc.

I am now knackered and want to go back to bed. Luckily DH has the day off (told him to book it off in case she changed her mind) so he can drive her to the venue an hour away. Everyone else of course, is going in a limo. DD will have to arrive in our old jalopy as she told the girls booking transport she was not going! She has just had a tantrum as to why we can't find her a limo at a few hours notice Hmm.

AIBU to want to strangle her?

One of her friends, who also was not going, has also now decided to go so her mum has had to get onto to the school as she was in tears about it, begging them to get her a ticket! Another friend (the ring leader, who decided not to go) was also upset about not when we just bumped into her in town as she now sees that she's made a mistake.

OP posts:
Theas18 · 27/06/2013 15:55

Umm I dont think I was ever a "teenager" I was too busy studying. I don't think I'm raising teenagers rally half the time either (dd2 is trying hard though lol).

Op I think you did the right thing. Not sure we'd be taking days off in case here but she probably would have the ticket.

Ours is a year 13 prom. I think it's less, ummm , hormonal by thrm. Certainly not having "a date" isn't a problem etc.

(quiet sniggering at just how odd my eldest would look with a spray tan though!)

MatersMate · 27/06/2013 15:55

A stripper?? Wtf a shoe tHing

Do you mean to be such a total cow?

Kizzit · 27/06/2013 15:56

EliotNess just in case you think I am one of the witches,I certainly am not. Just because I think it's important that my DC know I will be there for them always,and I love them more than life it's self,doesn't mean I will never allow them to make mistakes and learn to put up with the consequences of their decisions.The real world will expect them to be able to do that.
I think the OP's DD is just pushing boundaries and has just realised that no matter what stunt she pulls,Mummy and Daddy will be there to mop up the spills.
She is in for a rude awakening once she wriggles out from under their wings.

TigOldBitties · 27/06/2013 15:56

Maybe I'm naive but I didn't realise strippers wore great big prom dresses and fancy accessories.

valiumredhead · 27/06/2013 15:57

I couldn't get past 'spray tan' Grin

ovenbun · 27/06/2013 15:58

When I read this I thought...wow fantastic mum! Well done for anticipating the need and getting the ticket...yes understandable that you would happily slap her right now, but you will both look abck on this and laugh.. I hope she realises what you have done for her today, although it may take a few years...bladdy teenagers :)

EhricLovesTeamQhuay · 27/06/2013 15:59

So I don't have a teenager - no I don't. But I was one, and if I had dared to fuck my parents around like that then be ungrateful about the lift I was getting I would not have been going. End of story. I don't see why I should turn into an over I diligent doormat of a parent when my child becomes a teenager Hmm
I am well aware that teenagers can be awful little shits and parenting them isn't easy, and it was very nice of OP to help her daughter get a dress and what not. The problem is that the DD hasn't acted like this was a nice thing to do, she has acted as if that treatment is the bare minimum she should expect which is where the word 'entitled' comes from. If my parents had acted like this for me at that age I would have been grateful. If your children aren't grateful when you seriously put yourself out to fix a situation of their own making then you have done something wrong IMO.

CheeseStrawWars · 27/06/2013 16:00

"I went ahead a bought her ticket anyway as I hoped she would come to her senses."

"This morning, after leavers assembly at 10.15am, she finally caves in"

"I just KNEW she would want to go when she stopped being a bloody sheep. I had all but given up last night"

So you were pressuring her to go?

Awks · 27/06/2013 16:00

I used to say things like "I wouldn't do/be/like/enable etc etc". Then I realised what an achievement it is to get to be 16 and finish school safe, happy, confident and nice and the prom is a celebration of all that is good about being 16. Anyone who says its "just a disco" is missing the point. It's a chance to shrug off the school uniform and start being yound men and women. Still makes me teary looking at dd1's prom pics.

I'd have done the same as you OP, hope she has a brilliant time.

SoupDragon · 27/06/2013 16:01

Ashoething clearly frequents classier than average strip clubs.

Ashoething · 27/06/2013 16:01

Fake tan,fake nails and ratty hair extensions are all the rage with young girls around here-and yes they that "look" does put me in mind of strippers. I am a "total cow" for not encouraging the over sexualisation of young girls?-aye rightHmm Wind yer neck in.

Cherriesarelovely · 27/06/2013 16:02

Hope she has a great time Op. I can imagine myself and dp doing this for dd but we would let her know how very lucky she was and ensure she was grateful. Also the limo thing.....I'm glad she didn't get to go in a limo really, that is at least a little consequence for making you all run around after her like you have.

SpringtimeForHitler · 27/06/2013 16:02

Agree with Eliot, people clutching their pearls because a 16yo girl wants a spray tan shock horror Shock

I bet mums in the 80s weren't too chuffed with the shit perms and blue eyeshadow..

LittleDirewolfBitJoffrey · 27/06/2013 16:02

My school prom was 12 years ago and I remember...very little of it. Not because I was pissed, but because it wasn't all that special. It's no way a Big Life Event. Its a disco with a stupid name.

Fair enough OP its your choice to rush around and go to great lengths to help your DD get ready with shudder fake tans and control pants, but don't expect her to turn around in a decade and thank you with tears in her eyes for being such a great mum for helping her achieve this wonderful thing in her life. At best it'll become an amusing anecdote or something to tell future partners in a "let's tease DD about how silly she was" sort of way.

SoupDragon · 27/06/2013 16:03

Effectively saying that the OPs DD looks like a stripper/lapdancer is pretty much the sort of thing a "right cow" would say.

Kizzit · 27/06/2013 16:03

Ehric totally agree. That's what I was trying to say really. The DD's behaviour was very ungrateful in my eyes.

middleagedspread · 27/06/2013 16:05

I think you've done the right thing. If I didn't have teenagers I wouldn't be aware that the Prom is such a big thing.
When she's flicking through all those Facebook pics she'll be delighted you made the effort for her.
Sometimes good parenting isn't about sticking to rules it's about intuition.
I think you sound a great mum.

EliotNess · 27/06/2013 16:05

i have a photo of me looking TERRIBLE in blue taffeta

christ alive - if that fell into enemy hands

EliotNess · 27/06/2013 16:06

plus soupy I am sure strippers have feelings too

adjusts thong

BOF · 27/06/2013 16:07

You sound like a loving and resourceful mum to me. I've got teenagers, and I am no softie, but heck yes, I'd do everything you've done. I'd employ the Roger Moore eyebrow at the first sign of moaning about a limo, mind. They all kick off about stupid things when they are stressed though- I remember my eldest being knackered after a trip and trying to squeeze in a party before another school thing the next day. She couldn't get her false eyelashes to stay glued down and cried her heart out about it. I ended up putting her to bed like a four year-old.

Ashoething · 27/06/2013 16:07

I said no such thing about the op's daughter soup-so stop stirring. Oh and personal attacks are not on in case the keyboard warriors don't know.

I merely said that I don't think encouraging young girls to follow the rest of the herd with regards to a certain look isn't something to be encouraged imo.

Clearly their are many posters on here who have a huge problem with saying NO to their little darlings-that's your affair. But don't expect me to smile benignly at their brattish ways.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 27/06/2013 16:09

My oldest is a 12 year old boy

Some thing the OP has done to help, I would do, but not the car thing. Tough luck.

and this:

"I am sure she would have felt like shit when she saw all the pics over facebook, instagram whatever and she had not gone"

sets my teeth on edge.

Ashoething · 27/06/2013 16:10

Well I am sure to a lot of parents on here how popular their kid is on fb and how many likes their pouty pictures get probably does mean a lot..

EliotNess · 27/06/2013 16:10

lol at mumsnet veteran Soupy being taught how to mumsnet

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 27/06/2013 16:11

..sorry. I know you haven't done anything about a car, but that kind of rudeness would have me sending her away to think hard.