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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to strangle DD (16). She insisted she did not want to go to her school Prom until today - the day of the prom!

663 replies

Lionessy · 27/06/2013 14:09

As her circle of friends had decided they did not want to go, she decided she did not want to either. Was not cool apparently Hmm and they did not have a dates (probably because all the boys are scared of them!).

I went ahead a bought her ticket anyway as I hoped she would come to her senses. What teenage girl would'nt want to dress up in a beautiful dress, glam up and go out to a country mansion for a posh dinner and disco with all their school friends huh?

This morning, after leavers assembly at 10.15am, she finally caves in and wants to go Angry. Cue me rushing around all morning like a blue arsed fly getting a spray tan organised, nails, buying the ruddy dress (luckily we hit the jackpot and found a gorgeous one), underwear, jewellery etc.

I am now knackered and want to go back to bed. Luckily DH has the day off (told him to book it off in case she changed her mind) so he can drive her to the venue an hour away. Everyone else of course, is going in a limo. DD will have to arrive in our old jalopy as she told the girls booking transport she was not going! She has just had a tantrum as to why we can't find her a limo at a few hours notice Hmm.

AIBU to want to strangle her?

One of her friends, who also was not going, has also now decided to go so her mum has had to get onto to the school as she was in tears about it, begging them to get her a ticket! Another friend (the ring leader, who decided not to go) was also upset about not when we just bumped into her in town as she now sees that she's made a mistake.

OP posts:
garlicnutty · 27/06/2013 21:23

Stop being such a whiney arse.

Quote of the thread Grin

Cravey · 27/06/2013 21:24

Yep context is indeed crucial which is why if op had mentioned that in first post I would have maybe felt differently. However she didn't. Will repeat again. Fab mummy skills on behalf of op . Having a tantrum because of a limo is spoilt behaviour. That context is crucial.

Cravey · 27/06/2013 21:25

Good posting kizzit. In fact I would say that was the quote of the thread.

Sparklingbrook · 27/06/2013 21:25

YY it is all your fault Tig. Too nice you see. Ruins them. Sad

TigOldBitties · 27/06/2013 21:27

Thanks, DH is a 'ledge' apparently.

I think he just deserves an award for braving Topshop swimwear section with an emotional teen girl!

Hullygully · 27/06/2013 21:28

yy garlic

twinklyfingers · 27/06/2013 21:28

Lionessy you sound lovely. Your dd does not sound spoilt to me. Does no one remember what it feels like to be an awkward teenager?

My mum did something similar for me when I was a bit younger than your dd. I was shy at school and not one of the in crowd at all and I was often teased. I guess my mum knew how insecure I felt and always encouraged me to give dances, trips and the like a go. As a result of mum's encouragement/interventions I had my first kiss at a disco and made a group of friends who I am still very close to whilst on a foreign trip. I'm so glad she got involved and didn't let me sit at home! And I did learn that's its better to try things out.

As far as the limo strop goes, I bet that was more to do with being nervous about turning up on her own, I was always so nervous on arrival at those sort of things!

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 27/06/2013 21:29

Cravey

It's a conversation. People don't always think to mention everything in their first post.

Did you know you can highligh the OP's posts, in Setting, so you don't miss anything?

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 27/06/2013 21:29

Settings

yamsareyammy · 27/06/2013 21:34

Kizzit, so you would have made/allowed your DD to miss out?

TSSDNCOP · 27/06/2013 21:35

Yes Kizzit thanks, having been an Ops manager in an investment bank I've never had to deal with anyone tricky. I always blamed their indulgent parents, and handed them their sorry spoilt arse on a plate. I found it was to optimal way to help their development.

Cravey · 27/06/2013 21:36

I really can't be bothered to do that. It's also not a conversation as such is it really ? I am not the only one here who felt like this. Op asked what people thought I responded. Simple really. I'm not one for bowing down because everyone else has a different opinion. Mine is what I prefer to stick to. As I said well done op for your forward thinking. Oh and just a last thought, not everyone has issues with confidence because they didn't get what they wanted when they were teenagers. We also sometimes do need to learn lessons in life.

Kizzit · 27/06/2013 21:37

garlic I never said that 'changing your mind' was not ever allowed. I change my mind at times and so do my DC. I'm also very capable of saying sorry if I'm wrong and so are my DC. We have a very open,loving relationship and talk an awful lot.
My DC wouldn't have me jumping through 6000 hoops and then stamp their feet to solve a problem they have created themselves though. They're too thoughtful for that as they are well aware the world does not revolve around them alone. They are not perfect and neither am I and we're very happy to accept that and still have our self confidence in tact.

yamsareyammy · 27/06/2013 21:39

Cravey, but you have to pick the lessons carefully.
This is not a last minute change of heart on whether to have fish and chips or sausage and chips.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 27/06/2013 21:40

Cravey

But we are conversing! I agree wit with you too, but then I asked the OP a question way back and her reply made me change my mind

We don't have to agree though. I won't harangue you anymore

Cravey · 27/06/2013 21:41

Yes you do have to choose carefully but as I said about a million times the op stated that dd had a strop as there was no limo for her. Come on. That's really not on. Especially after op had already done so so much.

yamsareyammy · 27/06/2013 21:41

Kizzit, not sure if you saw my 21.34pm post?

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 27/06/2013 21:41

sorrym that was meant to read, I agreed with you

xylem8 · 27/06/2013 21:41

Kizzit, so you would have made/allowed your DD to miss out?

made her miss out!!!!

Cravey · 27/06/2013 21:42

Jamie harangue me all you like. I stand by what I feel , as I'm sure you do also. It's the stripping about the limo that bothers me. It's horrid behaviour and a kick in the teeth to the op who had already done so much.

Kizzit · 27/06/2013 21:43

Aaah TSSDNCOP tricky ones I can deal with,no problem at all.It's the ones that have been carried to the spot where they are all the way and refuse to believe they don't know it all and that there is actually someone out there who might have more knowledge/experience. They take any criticism ( no matter how carefully worded) as a personal attack as they just haven't learned to deal with any problem solving/forward thinking themselves. I'm sure coming from your position you know exactly the type I mean Wink

EugenesAxe · 27/06/2013 21:44

I feel a little bit sick after reading that post. Dress, OK, but special underwear? No, I don't have teenagers but I hope I raise my DD to not be so shallow as to feel all that is necessary.

I don't have a problem with facilitating it generally, as I do agree it's a big thing they'll only do once. I think the 'wanting to kill your daughter' speak is really to enable you to have a stealth boast or to release your inner drama queen. If you were really that pissed off about it you would have told her that it was tough shit. I don't think many parents would think that wise, since self-confidence is delicate at that age, and a child would be badly affected by thinking their parents really didn't care about them. Given that, and that you were actually sold on doing all you could to get your DD there in the state you wanted, why have you bothered posting anything now that your wish has come true?

Kizzit · 27/06/2013 21:45

yamsareyammy and xylum8 I thought I answered that question in my post from 21.37pm.

TSSDNCOP · 27/06/2013 21:46

On the whole, even those who think OP was a fine parent for pulling the dress and add-ons out the bag, think the limo strop was a bridge too far. But that part too was handled with aplomb by OP.

I hope DD is enjoying her big night.

Sparklingbrook · 27/06/2013 21:46

Blimey. Who said anything about stripping? Shock

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