Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to strangle DD (16). She insisted she did not want to go to her school Prom until today - the day of the prom!

663 replies

Lionessy · 27/06/2013 14:09

As her circle of friends had decided they did not want to go, she decided she did not want to either. Was not cool apparently Hmm and they did not have a dates (probably because all the boys are scared of them!).

I went ahead a bought her ticket anyway as I hoped she would come to her senses. What teenage girl would'nt want to dress up in a beautiful dress, glam up and go out to a country mansion for a posh dinner and disco with all their school friends huh?

This morning, after leavers assembly at 10.15am, she finally caves in and wants to go Angry. Cue me rushing around all morning like a blue arsed fly getting a spray tan organised, nails, buying the ruddy dress (luckily we hit the jackpot and found a gorgeous one), underwear, jewellery etc.

I am now knackered and want to go back to bed. Luckily DH has the day off (told him to book it off in case she changed her mind) so he can drive her to the venue an hour away. Everyone else of course, is going in a limo. DD will have to arrive in our old jalopy as she told the girls booking transport she was not going! She has just had a tantrum as to why we can't find her a limo at a few hours notice Hmm.

AIBU to want to strangle her?

One of her friends, who also was not going, has also now decided to go so her mum has had to get onto to the school as she was in tears about it, begging them to get her a ticket! Another friend (the ring leader, who decided not to go) was also upset about not when we just bumped into her in town as she now sees that she's made a mistake.

OP posts:
RobinBedRest · 27/06/2013 20:14

LandofSoap - your DS doesn't sound like he would say he didn't want to go, change his mind at the last minute, watch you run round trying to make it perfect and then tantrum about transport.

Noone is saying it is wrong to enjoy helping a 16yo enjoy their day, it's the spoilt brat behaviour people object to.

landofsoapandglory · 27/06/2013 20:15

Aww thanks, Excuse and TSSDNCOP.Smile

Kizzit · 27/06/2013 20:19

Well said RobinBedRest,that's exactly the point some of us 'meanie Mums' are trying to make. landofsoap your lad sounds delightful,hope he has all the fun he deserves Smile

Midlifecrisisarefun · 27/06/2013 20:19

Robin That's it exactly!
Go and look at the thread about parents going to job interviews and applying for jobs! Hmm That's the next teenage phase! Grin

Hullygully · 27/06/2013 20:21
Northernlurker · 27/06/2013 20:27

Changing their minds is what some teens do. Just like some toddlers. It's an incredibly vulnerable age.

Personally I have a 15 yr old and a 12 yr old as well as dd3 who is 6. I know perfectly well that I would run through fire for my dcs - so why wouldn't I let them know that I will also pick up the pieces to the best of my ability when things go wonky for them?

So the OP's dd had a limo strop. Big deal. Sounds like she was ignored and moved on.

I agree that what the Op has done today is good parenting. She knows her dd back to front and she's dug her out of a hole. If you can't lean on your arents to do that when you've made a mistake then who do you lean on?

I think a lot of the harshest comments seem to come from people who don't have teens. Seriously, you have no idea what lies in store Grin

And the fake tan - who cares. It's a tan not a tattoo. OP's dd will look nice and feel good and she knows that's down to her mum. Good day's work OP.

Lizzylou · 27/06/2013 20:32

You sound lovely op and like you really know and support your DD.
A colleague of mine has a 16 yr old lad. Never goes out, very quiet, lovely boy. He said he didn't want to go to his prom. She wasn't shocked, not his thing.
He then spent all of the night of his prom crying because he had wanted to go. But no one had asked him. But no one would have, because they knew he didn't like going out.
My friend knows her DS so well, but she was shocked by his upset. She tried to get him to go antway, but too late.
Teenagers are complex beings, I can remember being one, seems some people just prefer sniping.
And the fake tan/nails/eyelashes thing? Just fashion now (though op has already explained why her DD needed a fake tan ), goodness remember what we wore as teens? I must have singlehandedly made a hole in the ozone layer over my particular area of west muds with my penchant for a big sticky up fringe held up by Ellnett.

That said, bloody glad I have boys and am 7 years off all of this.

landofsoapandglory · 27/06/2013 20:33

So the OP's dd had a limo strop. Big deal. Sounds like she was ignored and moved on

^^ This, and a short strop doesn't make someone a spoilt brat!

Lizzylou · 27/06/2013 20:33

landof, your Ds sounds fab Grin

yamsareyammy · 27/06/2013 20:34

Perhaps there is another question here to the posters here that are disagreeing with what the op has done [who I hope is thoroughly enjoying the evening, and the stories she will hear, later in the day tomorrow!]
Have any of you got 16+ children, and did they not go to their prom?

YoniSingWhenYoureWinning · 27/06/2013 20:34

"So the OP's dd had a limo strop. Big deal."

Mumsnet is an amusing place sometimes.

Burmillababe · 27/06/2013 20:45

She changed her mind? Tough! If she said she didn't want to go, and you hadn't organised a ticket and the dress etc, it could have been a useful lesson and she would have to live with her decision! YANBU being angry but i feel you enabled her, albeit with the best intentions

QueenMaeve · 27/06/2013 20:47

Op, this sounds like something I would have done and my mum would have done as you did. I was totally a madam as a teenager, ruined was the word my father would have used! But... I turned out ok (I think!) I am forever grateful for all the things my dm & df did for me, even though I couldnt see it at the time. The fact is I grew up to be a confident, successful and happy adult because I was so unconditionally loved.

Northernlurker · 27/06/2013 20:47

Yes it is. Particularly when people get the 'your child is SO entitled, therefore I must be a better parent than you' bit between their teeth.

A limo is a large car being hired for the evening. It's not like the OP's dd cried for a week at being told there would be no Porsche for her birthday.

Northernlurker · 27/06/2013 20:49

Oh and yawn over the 'needing to learn a lesson'. What lesson?

That you can make a mistake and the people closest to you would rather purse their lips and moralise rather than help you out?

Yes that's one lesson my girls won't learning.

Annunziata · 27/06/2013 20:51

This thread is odd.

It was probably nerves, imagine having told everyone at school you're not going and ignored all the prom excitement and then having to turn up and walk in etc. I wouldn't be very happy with her, but she'll remember you doing so much for her for a long time.

yamsareyammy · 27/06/2013 20:52

Burm, do you have 16+ children, who didnt go to their prom?

Sparklingbrook · 27/06/2013 20:53

YY enough with the 'lessons'.

PickledInAPearTree · 27/06/2013 20:54

Changing your mind isn't that bad I do it all the time. She had a ticket.

I don't understand what possible good could come of stopping her going when the ticket had already been bought.

PickledInAPearTree · 27/06/2013 20:57

She will remember this night for a long time and when she's older will probably be a bit mortified over limo strop.

Better than sitting in her room crying as apparently changing your mind about going out is a heinous crime.

Cravey · 27/06/2013 20:58

For the benefit of iborolass. Don't be funny dear. It's not working.mi read this thread. All the way through. And I still feel the daughter is a spoiled brat. Just because others already posted it doesn't mean I'm not allowed. That's all.

goingmadinthecountry · 27/06/2013 20:59

I'd help with dress, nails (maybe), hair and prob spend loads but fake tan is yuck . Would drive her there with friends but not organise limo. Would take sports car rather than Nissan Micra though. Sadly any dress bought in our small town would look awful on anyone under 55. Time required. Think Gok - better than dull.

It's an emotional time. Y11 not big at dcs' schools as y13 is the big one - Leavers' Ball not prom. Will still be buying suit and whatever for ds as I did last year for dd in y11 though.

Have 3 dcs over 16 btw. Would support and help as much as I could but not panic.

OP, hope dd loved it. It's a rite of passage.

landofsoapandglory · 27/06/2013 21:03

The biggest lesson I learnt from my mother digging her heels in, sending me to my room (even when I had a full time job and a car), and be a bitch "to teach me a lesson" was how not to be a parent, tbh!

Kizzit · 27/06/2013 21:04

yamsareyummy, I am one of those who disagreed with the OP. And yes,I do have a 16 yo DD who went to her prom less than two weeks ago. Ofcourse we made sure she looked lovely and had all the trimmings they find important at that age.Both my DD and I loved every minute of the preparations,getting her there and hearing about the fabulous time she had that evening. Point is not the effort you make to make sure your DC get to enjoy as much as possible in their young lives,but that they know there are also other people to be considered and that you can not expect the world to come to a screaming halt and and cater to your every demand just because you've had a change of heart at the last minute.
I am always there to 'help' my DC northern that includes helping them to cope with situations they have created themselves without necessarily trying to 'make it go away 'cause I don't like it'. Lessons like that are also included in the whole 'loving your children' package in my eyes.

TSSDNCOP · 27/06/2013 21:05

Iborolass I thought your comment was funny, but this thread is no place for humour Wink

Lessons yes.

And we all now know that spray tans and limo hiring are the teen equivalent of toddlers scoffing Griggs and guzzling Fruitshoots.

Swipe left for the next trending thread