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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to strangle DD (16). She insisted she did not want to go to her school Prom until today - the day of the prom!

663 replies

Lionessy · 27/06/2013 14:09

As her circle of friends had decided they did not want to go, she decided she did not want to either. Was not cool apparently Hmm and they did not have a dates (probably because all the boys are scared of them!).

I went ahead a bought her ticket anyway as I hoped she would come to her senses. What teenage girl would'nt want to dress up in a beautiful dress, glam up and go out to a country mansion for a posh dinner and disco with all their school friends huh?

This morning, after leavers assembly at 10.15am, she finally caves in and wants to go Angry. Cue me rushing around all morning like a blue arsed fly getting a spray tan organised, nails, buying the ruddy dress (luckily we hit the jackpot and found a gorgeous one), underwear, jewellery etc.

I am now knackered and want to go back to bed. Luckily DH has the day off (told him to book it off in case she changed her mind) so he can drive her to the venue an hour away. Everyone else of course, is going in a limo. DD will have to arrive in our old jalopy as she told the girls booking transport she was not going! She has just had a tantrum as to why we can't find her a limo at a few hours notice Hmm.

AIBU to want to strangle her?

One of her friends, who also was not going, has also now decided to go so her mum has had to get onto to the school as she was in tears about it, begging them to get her a ticket! Another friend (the ring leader, who decided not to go) was also upset about not when we just bumped into her in town as she now sees that she's made a mistake.

OP posts:
Midlifecrisisarefun · 27/06/2013 19:41

Having done the teenage prom stuff three tortuous times I would say that teenagers changing their mind is par for the course but I would have expected respect and gratitude, the moment a tantrum appeared the DC involved would have blown their opportunity and they would have spent the evening in their room! Old enough to go old enough to appreciate others!
It would have been pointed out that DGGM, DGM and DF were all working at that age and were 'adult,' not throwing tantrums like a toddler.

ExcuseTypos · 27/06/2013 19:41

Grin AndIFeed

AmazingBouncingFerret · 27/06/2013 19:41

I really wish I hadn't lost my leaver's dance photos.

I was a size 6 and looked fucking gorgeous.

OP you sound lovely, hope she has a good time. (and don't lose the photos!)

ExcuseTypos · 27/06/2013 19:42

You'd send a 16 year old to their room MidLife?

YoniSingWhenYoureWinning · 27/06/2013 19:43

I understand the rushing around to get her to the prom because it is a big deal and the kind of thing she would regret having missed out on. But after running yourself ragged,all day and insisting your husband take the day off work for the occasion(!) I am pretty astonished that you didn't tear her a new one for throwing a tantrum because she wasn't going to a school dance in a limousine.

AndIFeedEmGunpowder · 27/06/2013 19:44

Seriously I was a bit like your DD as a teenager OP and always cutting off my nose to spite my face. I'm so glad my mum understood and sometimes gave me a way out. I apologised to her the other day for being so dreadful as a teenager; she said teenagers are supposed to be horrible or there would be no incentive to train them to be independent enough to leave home.

You sound lovely.

freddiefrog · 27/06/2013 19:49

no, my parents wouldnt have done it for me which is exactly why I would do it for my dcs, we learn from their mistakes

Exactly the same here!

OP - I hope your DD has a lovely night

ithaka · 27/06/2013 19:50

I have a 16 year old, so cannot be accused of only having preschool children.

My DD would never behave like this and I would never enable such behaviour from her.

However, I have learned that you parent the child you have. My DD is ridiculously clever, mature, hard working, considerate and responsible. These are unusual traits in a 16 year old girl and I think we are just very very lucky. Hell, I was nothing like as responsible and thoughtful as my daughter when I was 16. I don't know how we ended up with such a cool girl - she really is like a special gift to us.

DD2 is far less of a paragon. I suspect she would love to behave like the OP's daughter. Fortunately, the stellar example of her lovely old sister contains her natural selfishness - which is entirely natural.

So if you have a lovely child, be grateful. Most teenagers aren't so lovely but they usually grow up fine all the same.

Midlifecrisisarefun · 27/06/2013 19:50

Excuse act like a toddler get treated like it! They were not stupid enough to try it!

Cravey · 27/06/2013 19:53

Just a thought, but she sounds rather spoiled. Maybe if you hadn't sorted this out it would have taught her a lesson. She sounds charming.

MummyMastodon · 27/06/2013 19:55

I would have done all that, and probably more if I'd had to. :)

ExcuseTypos · 27/06/2013 19:56

I would hope parents would not be stupid enough to try sending a 16 year old to their room.

landofsoapandglory · 27/06/2013 19:58

I would have done the same as you OP.

It is DS2's Prom next week. I hobbled round two cities last week so he got the exact suit he wanted, he got the right shirt and tie and a pocket square to co-oridinate with his 'date's' dress. His shoes have been 'bulled' by him and his dad and we have paid, along with some other parents, for him to go in a vintage Jaguar. He is having a hair cut on Tuesday incase it goes wrong so can be tidied up on Wednesday, in time for Thursday. DH has booked the afternoon off work as it starts at 6, and he doesn't get home until 6.30pm.

Now, this lad deserves this so much, and I couldn't care if people think he is spoiled. He has worked so hard at school, he never had a detention, is predicted all A*s and As and spent hours revising. He cares for me (I am disabled) better than anyone else, he puts him self out and is a great mate to his brother. He is spending most of his time atm, hoovering or gardening. He rarely strops and is a pleasure to be around. If I could afford to send him in a helicopter I would!

ShabbyButNotChic · 27/06/2013 19:59

But surely if a 16 year old is too old to be sent to their room, it then follows that they are too old to be treated like a small child and have everyone run round after them? I may be turning into my mother here, but is it nit the age old statement of 'if you want to be treated like an adult, start acting like one'. You cant have it both ways surely?

Bogeyface · 27/06/2013 20:02

DD said she didnt want to go so I took her at her word, she isnt going. It is tomorrow night and I am 99% sure that she has changed her mind but has the sense not to say anything because she knew that because of my financial situation I would need atleast a couple of months notice to save up for the dress etc.

I wish she had said she would go all along, but she didnt, so tough, thems the breaks.

lborolass · 27/06/2013 20:02

cravey - have you forgotten your "I haven't read the thread" disclaimer, 400+ posts and we've done the rather spoiled thing to death Grin

frissonpink · 27/06/2013 20:03
Confused

Nothing to be proud of saying that I won't have to worry because your kids won't be working until they're 21..

Implying, I'm guessing, that you're saying they're super clever, going to a lovely uni and then will be getting their first job?

Well. News for you. I much prefer kids who have worked a little for their stuff. You know, bar jobs, glass collecting, baby sitting, part time retail work. That type of thing? i.e learnt that money doesn't grow on trees, mummy will not always bail them out, and their actions have consequences that mummy can't fix.They are generally better at dealing with people, are more mature and better equipped to deal with adult life.

The worst kind of graduates are the type that think they can walk into a management graduate position and act like the world owes them a favour. Sigh Be warned. They will get their asses kicked and handed to them on a plate in the real world. Grin

Having your mother run around after your every rude whim at 16 is just too much for me, and quite a few other posters it would appear!

ICantRememberWhatSheSaid · 27/06/2013 20:03

landofsoapandglory. What a lovely post. I hope he has a wonderful time. Smile

PickledInAPearTree · 27/06/2013 20:03

She sounds like a normal sometimes moody teenager to me. Crikey glad some of you lot aren't my mum.

Op sounds lovely.

Midlifecrisisarefun · 27/06/2013 20:04

I never had to..they knew not to push it! They asked, not demanded, earned their own money, organised themselves, only one DD and 2 DSs. DD went to her prom looking lovely, bought her own dress. I dropped her off in my Clio, she got a taxi home with a couple of friends! DS1 went to his, hired his own suit, looked handsome, went in taxi. DS2 refused to go to his. And before I get accused of being smug the eldest became a right royal PITA the next year!! Grin

landofsoapandglory · 27/06/2013 20:07

Thank you ICan'tRemember Smile

ICantRememberWhatSheSaid · 27/06/2013 20:10

Bogeyface. My DD and I were shopping today and there are some fantastic bargains about. We saw nice prom dresses for around £20.
Debenhams had a good selection. Hair, makeup and transport you can do yourself. I don't know about the ticket though.

ExcuseTypos · 27/06/2013 20:10

LandOfSoap, I hope your DS has a fantastic time. I bet you are very proud of him!

Bogeyface · 27/06/2013 20:11

The tickets are £30 and probably no longer available. £50 would be out of the question at the moment.

TSSDNCOP · 27/06/2013 20:13

Got a bit of something in my eye whilst I was reading your post Land. Hope he has a great time!