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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to strangle DD (16). She insisted she did not want to go to her school Prom until today - the day of the prom!

663 replies

Lionessy · 27/06/2013 14:09

As her circle of friends had decided they did not want to go, she decided she did not want to either. Was not cool apparently Hmm and they did not have a dates (probably because all the boys are scared of them!).

I went ahead a bought her ticket anyway as I hoped she would come to her senses. What teenage girl would'nt want to dress up in a beautiful dress, glam up and go out to a country mansion for a posh dinner and disco with all their school friends huh?

This morning, after leavers assembly at 10.15am, she finally caves in and wants to go Angry. Cue me rushing around all morning like a blue arsed fly getting a spray tan organised, nails, buying the ruddy dress (luckily we hit the jackpot and found a gorgeous one), underwear, jewellery etc.

I am now knackered and want to go back to bed. Luckily DH has the day off (told him to book it off in case she changed her mind) so he can drive her to the venue an hour away. Everyone else of course, is going in a limo. DD will have to arrive in our old jalopy as she told the girls booking transport she was not going! She has just had a tantrum as to why we can't find her a limo at a few hours notice Hmm.

AIBU to want to strangle her?

One of her friends, who also was not going, has also now decided to go so her mum has had to get onto to the school as she was in tears about it, begging them to get her a ticket! Another friend (the ring leader, who decided not to go) was also upset about not when we just bumped into her in town as she now sees that she's made a mistake.

OP posts:
Horsemad · 27/06/2013 19:11

Haven't read the whole thread but I'm guilty of bending over backwards to help my DC out.
My parents didn't for me but I'm a different parent to them, hey ho.

I did however tell DS1 when he said no to the prom that if he changed his mind the night before, he would be making arrangements himself.

His is tomorrow - so far he's still not going! Grin

Sparklingbrook · 27/06/2013 19:12

TSS yes I think we have the same parenting plan. Grin

Sparklysilversequins · 27/06/2013 19:12

gymboy. Your post described my teenage years exactly.

thebody · 27/06/2013 19:17

TSS and sparkling me too ( always agree with sparkling )

HandMini · 27/06/2013 19:17

If it was my DD I'd just tell her tough tits. You said no you didn't want to go so suck it up.. God, I hope I'm never as callous and self righteous as this to ANYONE, let alone my own daughters.

Sparklingbrook · 27/06/2013 19:20

Ooh a quiche thebody. The 'Whatever it takes to get you through' quiche.

lborolass · 27/06/2013 19:21

I think sometimes on here posters engage in some kind of harsh parenting oneupmanship. I can't think of anyone I know who wouldn't at least try to get their DD to the prom if they could, children can still learn if you're nice to them.

Hullygully · 27/06/2013 19:22

They learn MORE if you're nice to them

They learn about forgiveness and kindness and thoughtfulness and helpfulness and that nothing is ever as mad and bad as it seems.

ExcuseTypos · 27/06/2013 19:23

But Op you bought her a ticket, if you hadn't done that she wouldn't have been able to go. So it's your own faultWink

Seriously though having 2 DDs (19 and 22) the Ops dd sounds quite normal. That's so much going on in their heads, she just finished her GCSEs so cut her some slack.

Also, she's remember what you did for for today and will one day be very thankful.

Hullygully · 27/06/2013 19:23

Having said that, I haven't spoken to my dd since lunch time...

Sparklingbrook · 27/06/2013 19:23

It's AIBU lboro. All efforts must be made to ensure the OP is BU remember. Silly. Grin

ExcuseTypos · 27/06/2013 19:23

For her

Bakingtins · 27/06/2013 19:25

Don't they learn, in this instance, that it's ok to throw a strop when your mum can't magic up a limo? Isn't 16 a bit old to think you are Cinderella?

HandMini · 27/06/2013 19:26

I hereby hand out the Joint Prize for Harsh Parenting Oneupmanship to all posters who said "my child would have been told no".

You can all bugger off now and leave the "oh how lovely" gang to enjoy the moment!

Have you taken a photo OP?

thebody · 27/06/2013 19:26

Exactly Hully well put.

Sparkling love a quiche as long as wine with it.

bumblingbovine · 27/06/2013 19:26

To the "My children will never behave like that as teenagers" group, perhaps a little preparatory reading about the mental and emotional developmental levels of teenagers and young adults is in order

mentalfloss.com/article/29895/5-reasons-teenagers-act-way-they-do

Hullygully · 27/06/2013 19:27

bakingtins - sometimes it's not really I Want I Want, it's, I am completely hysterical and overwhelmed by everything but when I've calmed down I'll say sorry and be grateful.

BarbarianMum · 27/06/2013 19:29

Bumblingbovine my children may well behave like this (or worse) but damned if I'm going to facilitate it.

But each to their own Smile

MeerkatMerkin · 27/06/2013 19:29

OP I think you are a lovely mum.

I already posted explaining about how my mum scorched my prom dress and how it could have ruined my night but I was mature and understanding crying inside

I went to my prom in Bridget Jones knickers and wished I had known about fake tan (11 years ago now) so that I could have hidden the spots on my chest but I didn't - if I did have a daughter who was afflicted in the same way then I would allow her the same.

It's fucking horrible being a teenager. Well, it was for me. My mum didn't normally go out of her way to make me feel better about myself. She never wore make up and hated shopping. It wasn't normal in my world. But I think it is a lovely thing to be able to spoil your child and make them feel like a million dollars for something they have realised is important.

My prom doesn't figure in the 'important moments in my life', I think it is a bit sensationalised, but if it makes her happy then what's the harm?

ExcuseTypos · 27/06/2013 19:30

I actually love spoiling my DDs.

Not with money and stuff though that is usually involved but doing nice things for them and their friends.

OneStepCloser · 27/06/2013 19:31

no, my parents wouldnt have done it for me which is exactly why I would do it for my dcs, we learn from their mistakes.

OP I hope your dd has a lovely time, you sound great.

Moxiegirl · 27/06/2013 19:32

I have teens, neither would be able/want to go to their prom.
I also have 2 preschool girls, hopefully they will want to go when the time comes!
It's nice to be nice sometimes, I hope she had fun Smile

exoticfruits · 27/06/2013 19:34

I think you are lovely- I would bend over backwards to sort it too. However the limo bit is just tough- she has to accept that.

AndIFeedEmGunpowder · 27/06/2013 19:39

If the only fumes I have to worry about DD inhaling when she's 16 are from St Tropez I will feel like I have done A BRILLIANT JOB!

KFFOREVER · 27/06/2013 19:41

I havent read the whole thread but i think you have done the right thing OP. I would given her a good telling off but couldnt bare to let her miss a once in a lifetime opportunity.

She will probably really appreciate all the things you have done for her when she has a teenager of her own. This is someone speaking from experience. Smile