Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to strangle DD (16). She insisted she did not want to go to her school Prom until today - the day of the prom!

663 replies

Lionessy · 27/06/2013 14:09

As her circle of friends had decided they did not want to go, she decided she did not want to either. Was not cool apparently Hmm and they did not have a dates (probably because all the boys are scared of them!).

I went ahead a bought her ticket anyway as I hoped she would come to her senses. What teenage girl would'nt want to dress up in a beautiful dress, glam up and go out to a country mansion for a posh dinner and disco with all their school friends huh?

This morning, after leavers assembly at 10.15am, she finally caves in and wants to go Angry. Cue me rushing around all morning like a blue arsed fly getting a spray tan organised, nails, buying the ruddy dress (luckily we hit the jackpot and found a gorgeous one), underwear, jewellery etc.

I am now knackered and want to go back to bed. Luckily DH has the day off (told him to book it off in case she changed her mind) so he can drive her to the venue an hour away. Everyone else of course, is going in a limo. DD will have to arrive in our old jalopy as she told the girls booking transport she was not going! She has just had a tantrum as to why we can't find her a limo at a few hours notice Hmm.

AIBU to want to strangle her?

One of her friends, who also was not going, has also now decided to go so her mum has had to get onto to the school as she was in tears about it, begging them to get her a ticket! Another friend (the ring leader, who decided not to go) was also upset about not when we just bumped into her in town as she now sees that she's made a mistake.

OP posts:
Hullygully · 27/06/2013 18:23

Oh the heart stopping panic and anxiety of doing the right thing at that age. The solipsistic obsessing and sheer angst...

Sparklingbrook · 27/06/2013 18:23

Is this a good time to mention the 24 mile round trip I did to deliver DS1's homework that he forgot to take to school?

or the time when he lost his shoe in a muddy field and I went to the shop, bought some wellies and delivered them to him?

Shock
Sleep404 · 27/06/2013 18:24

When I first met my DH, his sister was 16 and this sort of thing was pretty much the norm. Her mum bending over backwards to accommodate her constant decision swings and then her throwing a tantrum afterwards.
She is now 30 and married and still needs mum for everything. DH and I were flabbergasted recently when she arrived at Pils with her washing and old clothes for mum to take to the charity shop.
I grew up abroad and was far more independent. At 16, I travelled to the UK alone, researched colleges and made appointments for myself and my parents to view in the couple of weeks holiday they had available. I guess I know the sacrifices my folks made for me to do all this and the idea of throwing a tantrum at that age for whatever reason would have been laughable.

To me it isn't that you did it all but that your dd was so ungrateful.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 27/06/2013 18:24

Sparkly... Really? You think that running around gives any guarantee of a good relationship? I hope you're right and not disappointed although I fear you will be.

HomageToCannelloni · 27/06/2013 18:26

Don't know what the Hmm is for Justfor now...in the eyes of the law she is both of those things.

Sparklingbrook · 27/06/2013 18:27

I did charge him petrol money for the Homework trip, and felt I couldn't leave him shoeless in a muddy field really.

Dominodonkey · 27/06/2013 18:30

"and Mama helped her baby girl look marvellous."

Give me strength!

Sparklysilversequins · 27/06/2013 18:33

Grin I have an 11 year old which is close enough. But I remember being a teenager myself with self righteous parents who wouldn't help me out with anything from the age of thirteen onwards on the grounds that I needed to stand on my own two feet. I still resent them for it now.

Why do you think she said she didn't want to go? Don't you remember what a seething mass of insecurities and terror of doing the "wrong" thing you were at that age? I do and I could have done with understanding parents to help smooth my path and have the experiences I should have been having. I have carried these insecurities into adulthood with me. Does you helping your kids develop emotionally just stop when they hit the teen years then?

Good for the OP I say.

gymboywalton · 27/06/2013 18:34

loads and loads of people saying 'when i was 16 my parents would NEVER have done all that'

there are LOADS of things my parents would never have done/ never did do;

buy me fashionable clothes and shoes, take me to places where i could be with my friends, etc etc
and i know how i felt-i felt ugly and out of place and i was teased and bullied because of my fucking sensible shoes etc

i WILL do whatever it takes to ensure that my teenager never feels the way i felt.

i think you sounds like a fab mum.

you know -i am really glad there was no prom inmy day because i would either have not been allowed to go or been allowed to go and bought something fucking hideous to wear which have got me laughed at.

Sparklysilversequins · 27/06/2013 18:36

You'd tell your dd to "suck it up" and "tough tits"?

Would you speak to adults in your life like that if they made a mistake?

Hullygully · 27/06/2013 18:41
EleanorFarjeon · 27/06/2013 18:41

Lol at all the pearl clutching over a spray tan!

You sound very kind OP.

Teenagers are sometimes irrational and selfish. We often go through something similar with our son - changing his mind at the last minute, I mean.

Bet she'll always remember how you pulled out the stops to get her there.

I am of the opinion that being kind to a highly frustrating teen will not turn them into dreadful adults.

Chandon · 27/06/2013 18:44

I guess the spray tans are what perms we when I was a teen ( reader, I had a perm).... Maybe I do need to unclutch my pearls....

but spray tans are sooooo vugar and they stink too -

Sparklingbrook · 27/06/2013 18:44

I do get a bit fed up with people saying you are a soft touch if you do anything at all for your teens.

You are allowed to help them out. Not everything has to be a lesson learnt. Life's too short.

FobblyWoof · 27/06/2013 18:44

OP I think you did a lovely thing.

Yes, taking the day off, rushing round, spending money etc is spoiling her a bit but it doesn't sound like you do this everyday. Then there's a problem, but once in a while? And for something she's not going to have the opportunity to do again? No, I don't think that's OTT- I think that's a lovely gesture and one your DD is going to remember for a very long time.

I hope she is now more grateful than earlier which, to be honest, sounded to me like a typical teenage strop over the limo rather than a genuine ungrateful attitude.

Your suggestion of more chores over the weekend sounds like a good one. Hope she has a good time, and you have a good evening Smile

chubbymomie2012 · 27/06/2013 18:45

she sounds spoilt! you are being unreasonable wanting to strangle her! she needs to face the consequenses of her own decisions. She said she didnt want to go! It wasnt cool. No doubt she looked down her nose at the other girls excitedly getting ready. Now she wants to go??? tough. If she was mine she'd be staying at home.

WillSingForCake · 27/06/2013 18:45

Very naive to call spray tans "safe" - you're spraying, and therefore inhaling, dihydroxyacetone, which is potentially very harmful.

TigOldBitties · 27/06/2013 18:46

All of the I'd tell her to lump it remarks make me laugh, and slightly concern me.

Half of those on mn who complain about their parents and their toxic mothers come from families where the parents thought they were doing their best and that a bit of tough love would do the DC good.

Good luck to you all. What is so wrong with going out of your way once in a while for a kid who changed their mind.

hurricanewyn · 27/06/2013 18:50

OP - you did a lovely thing & you were right to be pissed off at the lack of gratitude.

Off topic slightly - Why is everyone saying that proms are an american import? I always thought they were a more accessible version of a debutante's ball. I went to a 'debs' ball in Ireland in 1997 and I know my eldest aunt did as far back as the 60's. (Was fab - we danced all night, went for breakfast in Bewley's on Grafton Street and then caught the bus home in our ball gowns with the commuters.)

Justfornowitwilldo · 27/06/2013 18:50

There is more than one way to learn a lesson. You could say, 'you made your bed, now lie in it,' and revel in your righteousness. You could do what's necessary to get them there and then, the next day, when they're receptive, say that you're really glad they could go and that it's usually a good idea to keep your options open if you can; it's much easier to cancel later than to end up wishing you'd eg applied to a particular University after the deadline has passed.

merrymouse · 27/06/2013 18:57

The limo and corsage are American imports.

The spray tan and nails are just fashion.

ParadiseChick · 27/06/2013 18:59

There's only so long we, as parents, can huff and puff and declare 'in my day we got a top from Tammy Girl, DJ Dodgy in the church hall and drank some 2020 on the number 4 bus and we were bloody grateful' with before you sound like your own mum or dad.

noddyholder · 27/06/2013 19:00

If this is all some of you have to criticise then I feel sorry for you. My mother would never have done any of it if it had existed I on the other hand did everything when it was my ds turn and he is a lovely boy! It is just another event in them growing up. No need to take it apart right down to teh bloody spray tan

AvonCallingBarksdale · 27/06/2013 19:01

You sound lovely OP! This is the sort of thing I may well have done, or if I was going in teh first place there'd have been Some drama about it Wink And my mum would have done exactly the same as you!! And I imagine I would with DD in a few years too!

TSSDNCOP · 27/06/2013 19:07

Sparkling I'm smiling at your posts. I do the same as you. Kids do weird tantrum, forgetty shit cos they're kids. Helping them does not turn into spoilt, unemployable adults.

Swipe left for the next trending thread