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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to strangle DD (16). She insisted she did not want to go to her school Prom until today - the day of the prom!

663 replies

Lionessy · 27/06/2013 14:09

As her circle of friends had decided they did not want to go, she decided she did not want to either. Was not cool apparently Hmm and they did not have a dates (probably because all the boys are scared of them!).

I went ahead a bought her ticket anyway as I hoped she would come to her senses. What teenage girl would'nt want to dress up in a beautiful dress, glam up and go out to a country mansion for a posh dinner and disco with all their school friends huh?

This morning, after leavers assembly at 10.15am, she finally caves in and wants to go Angry. Cue me rushing around all morning like a blue arsed fly getting a spray tan organised, nails, buying the ruddy dress (luckily we hit the jackpot and found a gorgeous one), underwear, jewellery etc.

I am now knackered and want to go back to bed. Luckily DH has the day off (told him to book it off in case she changed her mind) so he can drive her to the venue an hour away. Everyone else of course, is going in a limo. DD will have to arrive in our old jalopy as she told the girls booking transport she was not going! She has just had a tantrum as to why we can't find her a limo at a few hours notice Hmm.

AIBU to want to strangle her?

One of her friends, who also was not going, has also now decided to go so her mum has had to get onto to the school as she was in tears about it, begging them to get her a ticket! Another friend (the ring leader, who decided not to go) was also upset about not when we just bumped into her in town as she now sees that she's made a mistake.

OP posts:
yamsareyammy · 27/06/2013 17:42

merrymouse.
No, not really.
I even know of one chap who decided after the prom, that he was going to stay on at school.

I do think that a prom does help mature some of them in some way.
And there are daft prizes given out by the teachers.
Teachers suddenly see their pupils as more adult. etc tbh

youarewinning · 27/06/2013 17:43

Have not read all the thread.

I don't think she sounds spoilt - in the fact she changed her mind. Many teenagers find the social side of things hard to navagate and make the wrong decisions. Well done you for getting her the ticket.

But............ I think I would have drawn a line across many of the things you bought her. I think she could have survived without the tan and nails and new jewellry.

I guess as she got the whole shebang after she changed her mind, she expected the whole shebang - including limo.

FWIW - she'll probably thank you in the long run and she'll have a great evening - so despite the fact right now you want to strangle her it really is a win win all round. Grin

Sparklingbrook · 27/06/2013 17:44

It's all you can do Lionessy. Pick your battles, ignore the nonsense etc....

My DS actually said when asked what he wanted for Christmas-

'A bit of bloody respect around here'. Rude and hilarious. Hmm

StuntGirl · 27/06/2013 17:54

The ascertation that posters who think the OP WBU are simply jealous is laughable.

MatersMate · 27/06/2013 17:59

19/20?? oh dear God Confused

lborolass · 27/06/2013 18:01

I can't believe some of the replies on this thread, how can you possibly know whether the OP's DD is spoilt based on one incident?

And what utter tosh about the spray tans, did none of you wear make up at 16 or colour your hair? I can't see how a spray tan is any different, why shouldn't the girls want to dress up for a night and have a tan to boost their confidence?

OP - hopefully your DD knows that you have her back and will support her. I remember an occasion when my DM went out of her way to do something similar for me (I was older than 16) and many years later I remember the feeling of knowing I could rely on her and I want my DCs to know the same about me. It's ridiculous to make the leap to unemployable graduates who can't do anything for themselves.

noddyholder · 27/06/2013 18:03

My son's prom was 3 years ago. ALl the girls were bambi lashed and fake tanned to within an inch of their lives! Now they are 19 they wouldn't be seen dead like that they are all pale and interesting very little make up and natural hair not a straightener in sight! 16 yr olds love that crap and so they should!

Hullygully · 27/06/2013 18:05

I have two teenagers and I haven't had to do this, but I have done other stuff.

Because the main thing is, you want them to do the important rites of passage stuff, that they will look back on as important milestones and hopefully make them smile. Plus, going is good for the self esteem and the social skills etc etc.

And you know that one day they will appreciate it, be amazed at what you did, and really grateful. It's just that right now they are a bit er fucked up n shit.

BackforGood · 27/06/2013 18:06

Only read the first couple and last couple of pages, but I'm stunned that you "bought a ticket in case she changed her mind", that your dh took a day off "in case he needed to take her" , that, having decided she wasn't going, you then spent the day rushing round trying to get her fitted in to all the proifery.
Yes I do have teens. No I wouldn't have done that. Up to them if they want to go to the prom or not - I would probably have tried to persuade them at the time tickets went on sale, but if they chose not to, then that would be it.

thebody · 27/06/2013 18:07

I have 4 kids and can defiantly agree that teen years and toddler years have loads in commen.

I can also attest that they all grow out of them with sensible measured understanding parenting and a huge dose of humour.

Nowt wrong with makeup, fake tan, heels and nowt wrong with not liking them.

Criticising a woman's choice of dress, style is horrible.

Op I would do just the same as you and my mum would have done it for me. That's why I love her.

Limo step too far of course but she will remember this and you will have a laugh rather than remembering a mum who effectively said fuck you darling, you said you weren't going so you arnt.

Hullygully · 27/06/2013 18:08

The day off was going a wee bit further than I would have gone. And the tan.

But we all have different limits.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 27/06/2013 18:11

Shock at the hatred of fake tans! And that's from someone who has never faked it! well a tan anyway

OP you sound fab. I have no idea if your DD is a spoilt madam, I dont know her so wont make assumptions but she is very lucky to have a mum and dad who have gone out of their way to make sure her prom night is one she remembers. tbh she sounds stressed rather than horrible.

Hope your DD has a fab night Smile think she owes you at least one night of babysitting her siblings while you and her dad have a welldeserved night off ASAP after this Grin

Remotecontrolduck · 27/06/2013 18:12

I'm torn, on one hand I think good for you for being there for her, it is sort of an awkward age as you're really not a child, but not quite grown up either.

On the other hand, I would have flipped after doing all that and her kicking off about the limo. Seriously that was extremely bad behaviour.

There's nothing wrong with a 16 year old going for a spray tan for the prom. Most grow out of it and go for a more natural look as they get older. Some don't, and that's also fine as it's their body to do what they want with.

I would let it go this time, but make it very clear you won't be bailing her out again like that.

HomageToCannelloni · 27/06/2013 18:14

'Yes the prom is a very big thing. She does not get the chance to go to a ball everyday!

I am sure she would have felt like shit when she saw all the pics over facebook, instagram whatever and she had not gone.'

And then maybe she would have learnt something, like making her OWN mind up about what she wants and being responsible for her own arrangements, not expecting someone else to come in and sort things out when she changes her mind at the last minute. I always wondered how we ended up with a generation with a great many entitled kids in it. Posts like this shine a light on that mystery.

It may have been a hard lesson for her to learn, but she's 16, old enough to get married, and have a child...how is this pandering to tantrums teaching her to be an adult?

Sparklysilversequins · 27/06/2013 18:15

I don't actually believe those of you that say they wouldn't have ran around after their dd and made it happen for them and would have left them to learn a "life lesson". If you really do think and act like that with your kids then I hope you're not expecting to have decent relationships with them as adults.

Justfornowitwilldo · 27/06/2013 18:19

'she's 16, old enough to get married, and have a child'

Hmm
lborolass · 27/06/2013 18:19

I've only read quickly but my understanding was that the OP didn't pander to the tantrum, she made sure the DD had all the cloths etc but couldn't do anything about the limo. No limo has been arranged and the DD has calmed down - where's the pandering? Allowing someone the leeway to have a change of heart at what is still a pretty young age is hardly pandering.

Being physically able to bear a child isn't an indicator of emotional maturity afaik.

Arisbottle · 27/06/2013 18:20

I would have run around after my children like this although I would have out my foot down at the limo.

I wear fake tan and do not look like Katie Price, however I am sure that most mumsnetters would rather swim through a vat of home made hummus rather than look like me.

Arisbottle · 27/06/2013 18:20

I agree Ilboro

FunLovinBunster · 27/06/2013 18:21

The daughter comes across as a spoilt little madam.
The mother sounds like a pushy pushover.
If daughter wishes to change her mind then it's up to her to sort it out.
If it was my DD I'd just tell her tough tits. You said no you didn't want to go so suck it up.

Fuzzysnout · 27/06/2013 18:21

Proms are the work of the devil, however you sound like a lovely mum and one day she will look back on this and really appreciate her wonderful mum and all the effort she went to for her.

(However any more tantrums and I would be having stern words)

Hope she has a fab time!

teenagetantrums · 27/06/2013 18:22

lol sparkly, so you can only have a good relationship if you run round after your teenage child, do you actually have teenagers?

merrymouse · 27/06/2013 18:22

Nope sorry, still not getting it.

As I said my knowledge of proms is all from films and tv.

The only way you get to be Molly Ringwald in pretty in pink is if you make your own dress.

Nobody got to be the heroine of a John Hughes film by tantrumming over a limo.

Kizzit · 27/06/2013 18:22

frisson move over a bit would you? I'd be very happy in your clubhouse! Funny enough I also employ people.... It's when you 'have a chat about how we could improve your work/attitude' with the grown-up versions of this kind of teens/kids and you have to spend the next 2 hours having to 'counsel' them as it's the first time in their lives they have been told they may actually not be perfect,and that their actions do have consequences,that it becomes very clear that their parents,with no doubt the best of intentions,have in the end not done them any favours at all...

GeekInThePink · 27/06/2013 18:22

You sound lovely parents.
Hope she has a great time.
Hope she realises how fab you are!