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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to strangle DD (16). She insisted she did not want to go to her school Prom until today - the day of the prom!

663 replies

Lionessy · 27/06/2013 14:09

As her circle of friends had decided they did not want to go, she decided she did not want to either. Was not cool apparently Hmm and they did not have a dates (probably because all the boys are scared of them!).

I went ahead a bought her ticket anyway as I hoped she would come to her senses. What teenage girl would'nt want to dress up in a beautiful dress, glam up and go out to a country mansion for a posh dinner and disco with all their school friends huh?

This morning, after leavers assembly at 10.15am, she finally caves in and wants to go Angry. Cue me rushing around all morning like a blue arsed fly getting a spray tan organised, nails, buying the ruddy dress (luckily we hit the jackpot and found a gorgeous one), underwear, jewellery etc.

I am now knackered and want to go back to bed. Luckily DH has the day off (told him to book it off in case she changed her mind) so he can drive her to the venue an hour away. Everyone else of course, is going in a limo. DD will have to arrive in our old jalopy as she told the girls booking transport she was not going! She has just had a tantrum as to why we can't find her a limo at a few hours notice Hmm.

AIBU to want to strangle her?

One of her friends, who also was not going, has also now decided to go so her mum has had to get onto to the school as she was in tears about it, begging them to get her a ticket! Another friend (the ring leader, who decided not to go) was also upset about not when we just bumped into her in town as she now sees that she's made a mistake.

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 27/06/2013 17:25

I'll happily sit in frisson's club houseGrin

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 27/06/2013 17:26

Sparkling

Do you think toddlers and teens are in some way similar?

  • both straddling two different ages: baby/child, child/adult
  • both anxious
  • both trying to work out the boundaries
  • both tor between dependence/independence
JamieandtheMagicTorch · 27/06/2013 17:26

torn

HerRoyalNotness · 27/06/2013 17:28

I think an example of ONE instance does not mean th eOPs DD is spoilt! This could be completely out of character fo rher. It sounds as if she has had a tough year, and i understand her wavering, in the not wanting to go/wanting to go.

pommedechocolat · 27/06/2013 17:28

Lying - the point about tans is - why isn't bluey-white ok? Whats so wrong with it you need to try and change it?

I am quite lazy about the more labourious grooming practices but changing my skin colour seems odd.

I wouldnt have Indian hand painting either as I am not Indian or religious.

flowery · 27/06/2013 17:29

OP I think you did a wonderful thing for your DD. I don't think I would have done the same but I do realise as I don't yet have teenagers I might be wrong about that.

But the point where she threw a strop about the lack of limo would have been game over for me.

Sparklingbrook · 27/06/2013 17:29

Yes, I think that's really true Jamie. Parenting a teen can at some point be like parenting a two year old.

I am told they go back to normal at some point......

secretscwirrels · 27/06/2013 17:30

Teenagers have tantrums. They're filled to the gills with hormones. Things matter in a way that they don't to adults.
^^

It's a year today since my DS's prom. The lovely friendship group he had have all split and gone to different sixth forms. It was a rite of passage.
They didn't do proms when I was 16 but I certainly wore some hideous clothes and make up.

yamsareyammy · 27/06/2013 17:32

larry, I think that even you will enjoy the event when it happens! Smile
though have to admit, it isnt quite as much fun with the boys, as with the girls.
But still fun nonetheless.

imnotmymum · 27/06/2013 17:32

pomme bluey white is Ok but she likes a tan. So what? You may find it odd but really ?? I look better with a sun kissed look. Not changing myself to be anyone else or for anyone else but guess what women can make up their own mind..

Sparklingbrook · 27/06/2013 17:32

flowery DS1 (13) has days when he has a strop about anything and everything. Confused

yamsareyammy · 27/06/2013 17:33

Sparkling, about age 20 imo.

Sparklingbrook · 27/06/2013 17:34

Oh no yams that long? Really?

merrymouse · 27/06/2013 17:35

I am so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so thankful that back in the 80's, nobody expected you to have a spray tan or get your nails done or get your parents to hire a car or 'have a date' if you wanted to go to a school dance.

The most that might be expected from a parent was a lift home.

I have to admit that my only knowledge of 'proms' comes from TV and films, but take away the limo and the flower and it's just a school disco isn't it?

morethanmama · 27/06/2013 17:35

She doesn't sound spoilt. Just 16. And you sound lovely. I bet you have and will continue to have a lovely relationship.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 27/06/2013 17:36

Shit, so I have made a critical error, having two, 2 years apart - that's a lot of toddler one after the other, followed by a brief hiatus, followed by a lot of teen.

Although ... DS1 was sooo much of a toddler maybe he'll be a lovely teen (3 months and counting ..)

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 27/06/2013 17:37

pommedechocolat... Quite. I thought I would give it a try out of curiosity. It was never going to work for me and I did it for a special occasion. Truthfully, I couldn't cope with the necessary exfoliating, brushing and application of the tan - and being unshowered for 24 hours to let it 'set'. For magnolia. Never again. Grin

I understand your point. Nobody should be made to feel that they need to change their appearance to suit somebody else or fit in with media standard image. Girls/women put particular pressure on themselves and each other to 'fit in'. Men don't bother with this generally, and I envy them their commonsense/natural obliviousness towards themselves.

quoteunquote · 27/06/2013 17:37

One day she will appreciate what wonderful parents she has,

and at least she was brave enough to confess her mistake before she had to live with it,

Teens find that very hard to do.

Had the leader of the rebellion, rejected the idea because of all the cost involved, and declared it uncool because they could not afford it?

flowery · 27/06/2013 17:37

"flowery DS1 (13) has days when he has a strop about anything and everything. "

Can't wait for that. Hmm Only 7 years to go! Grin

yamsareyammy · 27/06/2013 17:38
Grin They calm down round about 18 or 19, but to be much more reliable, yes, 20.
chansondumatin · 27/06/2013 17:38

You need to explain to your DD that limos are the tackiest form of transport known to man. It'll save you - and her - a great deal of expense in the future.

Much more edgy to travel to her school ball in a rusty clapped-out Citroen, as I did.

mrsjay · 27/06/2013 17:39

DD1 is 20 she is a proper grown up now Grin

imnotmymum · 27/06/2013 17:40

My dd1 is queen of strops bless her. She does not realise it is actually funny. I do try and not laugh sometimes. What no milk do you want me to die ??? Grin

jacks365 · 27/06/2013 17:41

Sparkling my dd1 is 19 and away at uni ( no phone calls to lecturers here, don't even know their names) and although she can still be a bit thoughtless at times she's definitely coming out the far side.

Op hope your dd has a brilliant time.

Original poster
Lionessy · 27/06/2013 17:41

I concur sparkling. I also have a nearly 3 year old (boy) and I tend to treat DD pretty similar to him - ignore bad behaviour, praise good behaviour, time out (bedroom rather than naughty step though), take deep breaths while trying to stop myself screaming.

OP posts: