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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to strangle DD (16). She insisted she did not want to go to her school Prom until today - the day of the prom!

663 replies

Lionessy · 27/06/2013 14:09

As her circle of friends had decided they did not want to go, she decided she did not want to either. Was not cool apparently Hmm and they did not have a dates (probably because all the boys are scared of them!).

I went ahead a bought her ticket anyway as I hoped she would come to her senses. What teenage girl would'nt want to dress up in a beautiful dress, glam up and go out to a country mansion for a posh dinner and disco with all their school friends huh?

This morning, after leavers assembly at 10.15am, she finally caves in and wants to go Angry. Cue me rushing around all morning like a blue arsed fly getting a spray tan organised, nails, buying the ruddy dress (luckily we hit the jackpot and found a gorgeous one), underwear, jewellery etc.

I am now knackered and want to go back to bed. Luckily DH has the day off (told him to book it off in case she changed her mind) so he can drive her to the venue an hour away. Everyone else of course, is going in a limo. DD will have to arrive in our old jalopy as she told the girls booking transport she was not going! She has just had a tantrum as to why we can't find her a limo at a few hours notice Hmm.

AIBU to want to strangle her?

One of her friends, who also was not going, has also now decided to go so her mum has had to get onto to the school as she was in tears about it, begging them to get her a ticket! Another friend (the ring leader, who decided not to go) was also upset about not when we just bumped into her in town as she now sees that she's made a mistake.

OP posts:
TalkativeJim · 27/06/2013 17:06

Spray tan???

SPRAY TAN?!?

ihearsounds · 27/06/2013 17:07

If its normal to have 16 yeat olds that tantrum like little toddlers, then I must have seriously screwed up somewhere. I would be mortified if any of my teens were tantruming.
No way would I run around like an idiot because one of the dc's had changed their minds at the last minute. I have other things to do. But then I am a wicked mum who made the dc's have fun with their mates and go dress shopping with their mates.

Sparklingbrook · 27/06/2013 17:07

Blimey Lionessy bet you are glad you started this thread. You and your DD have been accused of all sorts. Shock

I didn't know spray tans were a MN no-no. Confused

gordyslovesheep · 27/06/2013 17:09

I think it was more teenage stress out than spoilt behaviour

I hope she has a wonderful time - I shudder at some of the things I wore in my teens - I swear the hole in the Ozone is due to my overuse of backcombing and hairspray

I have the odd fake tan now and then - no one has died yet as a result and no kittens have been harmed

mrsjay · 27/06/2013 17:10

its weird. Your 16 yr old daughter says she wants to go to the prom so you go and change her skin colour to get her 'ready'.

what is the norm for 1 16 yr old is not for the next I think saying it is odd was a bit OTT id you think make up and hair styles is odd too then fair enough you think it is weird, but it is just make up for skin the girl obviously likes it tonnes of women and men spray tan, it is not for me but it is a bit of tan

parabelle · 27/06/2013 17:12

Disclaimer: I don't have teenagers yet. But, really, she threw a tantrum? You've been more than accommodating. I would not be impressed at her attitude.

mrsjay · 27/06/2013 17:12

Fake tan is pretty naff but I think that you are missing the point. People are going on about it because it is the mother getting excited about it, not her daughter.

news flash some women are actually a bit girly shocker Hmm

BellaVita · 27/06/2013 17:12

I agree with Gordy about it being stress rather than being spoilt.

All the girls at the school I work in (secondary) had their tans done too. Prom is tonight.

WhiteShakette · 27/06/2013 17:12

Oh, dear lord. I thought this was a really well-judged wind-up when I read the OP, and I laughed inwardly at the first few posters taking it seriously. OP. you are clearly lovely, but very indulgent to your daughter. I teach first year university students, and at 18 they do seem mentally younger and less and less able to cope year on year with independent life - I now have parents asking me for essay extensions, phoning me with excuses why their son or daughter missed lectures, and students totally unable to cope with feeding themselves and getting up in the morning etc etc. - which makes sense when I read things like your post.

Also, OP, in the nicest possible way, you do sound unhealthily invested in your daughter's life. You don't say you bought the ticket because she is indecisive, you say you bought it because you hoped (YOU hoped) she would 'come to her senses', because 'what teenage girl wouldn't want to put on a beautiful dress, glam up and go out etc?' (Well, quite a few actually. I didn't go to my 'prom' equivalent, and would have been furious if my mother thought she knew better and revealed she had bought a ticket anyway, despite my express wishes. I would have found it really infantilising.)

frissonpink · 27/06/2013 17:12

So people who think the DD is spoilt/demanding/having a tantrum etc are just jealous because their parents wouldn't have done it for them? Hmm

What a load of bs. I'm just Shock at how many teenagers behave appallingly, and get rewarded for it.

They then start work, and their boss (the likes of me) has to deal with their childish demanding behaviour - because no on has ever said 'no' to them (or because their parents have always bailed them out, so they've never learnt the true consequences of their decisions)

She had a tantrum because you couldn't sort her a limo?

Jesus. Am I the only one reading this post correctly? Other mums think this type of behaviour is ok, and you would also run around without thanks for your kids in the same way? Really?

god help future generations

imademarion · 27/06/2013 17:13

You're really kind and it sounds like you know your Dd well to have guessed she would change her mind!

Also what luck finding the perfect dress.

Teenagers are all over the shop, what possible benefit would there be in refusing to let her go, making her walk etc?

When she emerges at 24 or so, she will remember that her mum was a non judgemental hero who did a generous thing for her.

It's beyond me how that can be a bad thing.

I feel rather sorry for some I'd the teens whose mothers have replied so harshly.

Or perhaps they have yet to enter those tricky waters.

phantomnamechanger · 27/06/2013 17:13

Yes I do have a teenage DD, and no I would not run about all day like a blue arsed fly and then be tantrumed at for not being able to magic up a limo at the last minute. These girls are almost adults, they HAVE to stop and think about other people as well as themselves. learn some consequences, learn some manners and gratitude, have realistic expectations. Gawd, some of you sound like you'll end up with entitled little madams who think they are a princess and the whole world revolves round them and that its ok to be late to work because you broke a nail or had to redo your hair. Has she any idea of the expense you have been to for this? will she show her appreciation? Or just expect more and more that she can get her own way?

yes, I would have tried to get her a ticket and persuaded her she may regret not going, it's a one off. No to the tan and nails (thankfully my DD is not into all that glamour malarky anyway).

I think its a triumph for common sense that our Y6 prom has been replaced by a disco this year - no posh frocks, no limos, no red roses for your date nonsense. Just a bunch of classmates having a fun time together without having to be in some sort of uber competitive, self conscious pageant.

Sparklingbrook · 27/06/2013 17:13

parabelle the teenage tantrum is something to behold. Put toddlers to shame sometimes. Sad

Justfornowitwilldo · 27/06/2013 17:14

There's some total bullshit on here.

Teenagers have tantrums. They're filled to the gills with hormones. Things matter in a way that they don't to adults. They have a lot in common with toddlers.

Pulling out the stops at the last minute for a one off event like this is good parenting. They don't always make the right decisions first time at 16.

She's a lucky girl to have a mother who decided to keep her options open for her rather than wash her hands of it and treat it as an object lesson.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 27/06/2013 17:15

Lionessy

Thanks for your reply. Good on her. I hope she has a great time

frissonpink · 27/06/2013 17:16

Pulling out the stops at the last minute for a one off event like this is good parenting

Oh dear god. I'm now totally despairing...

thank goodness phantomname and whiteshak are talking reason.

imnotmymum · 27/06/2013 17:16

I leave to go to my Sons clarinet lesson for an hour and WOW.What the hell has happened ?? Strippers, spray tans banned at 16, if into fashion obviously do not have fun...
This is madness.
She is 16 dressing up for a night out (I used to pinch me Mums sunshimmer make up ) and Mama helped her baby girl look marvellous. TOWIE style or not if that makes her a bad Mum then I am in that club also.

Original poster
Lionessy · 27/06/2013 17:16

I see now that the 'limo tantrum' was more that she would stick out for not going in one, rather than entitlement. She's over it now as her friend will be 'slumming' it as well Grin. Friend agrees they should'nt have listened to the other friends saying not to go - peer pressure huh!

She's just come out in her control pants. Says they're so comfy, she'll get a few more. Hah, never thought I'd see her in them this side of 30!

OP posts:
Justfornowitwilldo · 27/06/2013 17:17

And don't worry FrissonPink. Mine will be graduates of 21 by the time they're working so they won't be bothering you.

mrsjay · 27/06/2013 17:18

Lionessy Thu 27-Jun-13 17:16:59
I see now that the 'limo tantrum' was more that she would stick out for not going in one, rather than entitlement. She's over it now as her friend will be 'slumming' it as well . Friend agrees they should'nt have listened to the other friends saying not to go - peer pressure huh!

glad she calmed down and stopped being a diva Grin I am sure she will have a nice night tan an all,

imnotmymum · 27/06/2013 17:19

See that is middle class. If she was a common stripper then her thong would be show Grin

TigOldBitties · 27/06/2013 17:19

Some of you are such misery guts. So what if they turn up in limos, wear massive dresses and get super glammed up.

They have a great time.

We've had 3 prom after parties at our house, and its so lovely to see them having fun like that. I think its one of those last moments of school. Round here none of the schools have sixth forms so most of the friendship groups are split in one way or another in year 12. They all feel great because they've made an effort to look good, exams are over and they have such a fun time.

Its a one off really, why not indulge them. What would you gain from saying no and having your DC be miserable for that evening and a few occasions after.

mrsjay · 27/06/2013 17:20

Pulling out the stops at the last minute for a one off event like this is good parenting.

I am a bit meh about but i can see your point, and just because a tenager throws a tantrum doesnt mean we NEED to put up or pander to it

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 27/06/2013 17:23

frisson... FYI: disagreeing with YOU or anybody else does not = unreasonable.

Why are you banging on your same point again and again? Maybe make a little clubhouse for those chums agreeing with you and go and sit in it, do.

Are you a little 'jealous'? You do sound worked-up, why?

... and not directed to you:

There's a fair few nasty, jibey posts on this thread. I don't understand why anybody would get that worked up over what is a teen disco?

Lastly, spray tan doesn't mean orange. I got a spray tan last year (I'm super pale, bluey-white) and I barely registered 'magnolia'. I have no reason to suppose OP's daughter is orange so why does anybody else?

imnotmymum · 27/06/2013 17:24

That'll be the media that they say they do not listen or adhere to.

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