To let dd call my partner daddy?

[BusyLizzie99]

DP and I met when dd was 18 months, he also has two DDs around her age. They are now all 6/7 and we also have 2 young dc of our own. She started calling him 'daddy his name' after a year but naturally, due to his children calling him it repeatedly she dropped it to just daddy. I corrected her but it stuck and still does, though she is well aware he isn't her father - 'she just loves him' she says. She sees her father twice a month and he breaks promises constantly, only has her when not busy, she isn't ill etc. he's decided he's had enough of dd calling DP daddy and wants me to stop it. However, I think it's up to dd to choose. She knows the realities and chooses to continue to call DP it because he looks after her when ill, collects her from school, goes to school events, reads with her etc. aIBU to not force her to stop?

YANBU.
My nephew's child, age 6, has two Daddies, his Mum's partner who has lived there for three years and his biological Dad who lives 200 miles away and sees him once a month.

Seems fair enough to me.

Yanbu if "daddy" is what she has chosen to call him that its her choice, perhaps her actual dad ought to look at priorities if he thinks he is the only one deserving of the title

How would you feel if she started calling ExDPs partner "mummy"?

Does your DP really need the daddy title? Does your DD really need to use it?

My step kids call me by a pet name, but it's nothing like "mummy", that would be crossing a line IMO.

Difficult one, how would you feel if your DD called yours exes partner mummy?

My ex has asked that question. To be honest, as long as it didn't impact on my relationship with her then I really wouldn't mind. It's just a word, feelings are more important IMO.

YANBU, it was her choice, so let her. Your DP is clearly doing a better job than her biological father, and as long as she KNOWS he's not her dad, then I don't see a problem.

YANBU - I called my mum's DP Dad when i was about 4- they went on to marry and he adopted me. My bio father chose to walk away, thankfully. My (adopted) dad is a wonderful man and if your DD feels the same about your DP, then i think she should be allowed to call him Dad - it sounds like your DP has earned it!

YABU & in your heart of hearts you know it. If your dp goes off with someone else there will be no tie but there will always be a biological tie with her dad.

How old is she? It's her choice, mabey your Dp is more of a dad tan her actual father. It takes more than producing sperm to be a dad, mabey your ex shoud look closer to home!

Ad mabey your dd recognises tat her dad is not doing a good job by not bothering and letting her down, kids are not stupid!

As long as she wants to call him Daddy I can't see a problem with it at all.

I don't think the 'would you mind someone else being mummy' question is relevant...

Your DP has been in her life since she was 18 months old, you live together, you have children together and your DP will be, alongside you, her main carer.

If your DP is the one looking after her day to day, loving her, etc then he is deserving of the title 'daddy'.

The man she see twice a month and who breaks promises probably doesn't.

Harsh, but fair.

It's up to your DD who she calls by what name.

I think your ex is on dodgy ground trying to dictate anything when he is a poor excuse for a father.

Anyone can be a father
It takes someone special to be a Dad

:)

Tell your ex that he's right - she shouldn't call both of them Daddy & you will sort it out. Then get DD to call him Father.

Not really - but tempting.

Tell him that being a Dad is more than biology and as he's not been a Dad to her you will not be telling her not to call your DP, who has been a Daddy to her, Daddy.

To the people saying, "how would you feel" - it's not really that simple though, is it? OP puts effort into her children's lives, and acts as their mum. She hasn't given her DC any reason to have to find a mother figure in another woman. Her ex has allowed another man to take his place, and I would say that that is his problem, and as it would probably be pretty distressing for your DD to be told not to call the man she sees as her daddy as such, then I'm afraid your ex will have to accept the consequences of his actions...

Been there with my dd. Similar ages and situation.

My dp is her daddy. Her biological dad is daddy. They are never in the same postcode so only confusion we get is rectified with daddy we live with or daddy we don't.

Making her call him something different to the other dcs would be cruel. Suggest to your ex that if he doesn't like sharing a title with your dp he can have a different one. Like wanker or nobhead or useless or disappointment.

Simples.

Oh this is a lovely thread for step-parents, (or step-fathers at least).

tricky one. ds1 has never referred to his step-dad as anything other than his name despite having 2 younger siblings who call him 'dad'. i think i would probably have kept correcting him if he did call DH 'dad', because he isn't his dad, regardless of my views on what sort of father his actual dad is. but clearly you can't 'force' a child to stop saying it if it's become natural to them.

I think it's up to your dd and to try and stop her would perhaps cause her distress and worry.

Your ex doesn't like it because it reminds him he hasn't stepped up to the plate unlike your new partner.

Imo its fine. And agree with pps who say that calling someone else mummy isn't the same as your dd lives with you.

My dc have 6 grandparents, my mum and stepdad, dad and stepmum, and their dads parents. When.ds1 was younger, ex mil said that it was ridiculous, and that children can only have 4 grandparents. I said that he could call her and her husband by their 1st names if she wished, but as he saw my stepparents far more often,.I wasn't about to tell them they could no longer be referred to as their grand-names. She never mentioned it again!

My dc are older, 8and6, so if I ever have a serious relationship I doubt they would ever call him dad, and if I'm honest I'd be gutted if they called their dads gf mum. Actually I was angry that her dc call him dad, but that's because of the circumstances surrounding it.

Interestingly though, I call often call my step mum Mummy her name, and step dad step papa. But more as pet names as I was 18when mum married, and 26 when dad did.
Gosh, I sound rather hypocritical!

Mintberry - that is very simplistic! Both parents can't have the children 100% when they split up & her ex presumably had no say in her moving in with her partner!

It sounds as if you and your DP have created an environment where your DD feels comfortable enough to express her emotions without fear.
Going from name to daddy name to daddy is just her expressing herself.

I know many children who have 2 'dads'.

On the flip side - my DS' useless wanker of a father is not in his life and doesn't make an effort. DS refers to him by his name. I've given up correcting him.

RedHelen while I see what you mean about it being simplistic, if the ex only sees his dd twice a month and often lets her down, then he hasn't stepped up to the mark IMO. Therefore he can't complain. At least .that's how i see it.

my ds1 calls my dp papa. I wouldnt really care if he called my exes wife mum. wouldn't care at all. I'm pretty secure about my status

My ex doesn't see much of his kids but he's their dad & that's that! I am their Mum & he is their dad, it has nothing to do with earning the title or not imo!.