To let dd call my partner daddy?

[BusyLizzie99]

DP and I met when dd was 18 months, he also has two DDs around her age. They are now all 6/7 and we also have 2 young dc of our own. She started calling him 'daddy his name' after a year but naturally, due to his children calling him it repeatedly she dropped it to just daddy. I corrected her but it stuck and still does, though she is well aware he isn't her father - 'she just loves him' she says. She sees her father twice a month and he breaks promises constantly, only has her when not busy, she isn't ill etc. he's decided he's had enough of dd calling DP daddy and wants me to stop it. However, I think it's up to dd to choose. She knows the realities and chooses to continue to call DP it because he looks after her when ill, collects her from school, goes to school events, reads with her etc. aIBU to not force her to stop?

I disagree rsravelstein, mabey op dp does much more for her than her actual dad andterefor she wants to call him dd let her! A Chidren can have more than one father figure, op ex sounds useless mabey he should step up to the plate and start taking responsibility.

YANBU she has chosen him as her Daddy. Yes she has a biological Father but DP is her Daddy too.

why would she call your ex's partner mummy. she is unlikely to as he hardly plays a role in his daughters life so it is unlikely a partner is going to have much of an impact

your dp has been more of a father to her as long as your little family unit is happy he really has nothing to moan about especially as he really does very little parenting through his own choice

Its different, te op has been costntly in her dd life, she Is responsible for her and looks after her everyday, when she ill whatever, she cannot be a shirk her responsibilities. Op ex however breaks promises, only takes her when it's convenient or him and when she is not ill, mabey th dd has wised up to this! Op dp sees dd every day, he might be more caring and loving towards her tan her biological dad. Ex should look at himself first. Op you let your dd call your dp daddy I she wants.

DH does more for ds1 than ds1's actual dad by a factor of about 500. but DH isn't his dad, and i think his dad, however useless he might be, would rightly be upset, as i would be upset if ds1 started calling his stepmum 'mum'

Have you explained to your ex why she calls your DP 'daddy'?

If so, what can he possibly say in defence of himself?

If your child is happy calling the more active parent daddy, then that's how it should be. It might be a good opportunity to give her real dad a list of things which he needs to step up to before you would take any action to rectify the name issue.

But if your partner/DH is happy and your child is happy, I would let it slide. Like you say it is only a word and her real father hasn't earned any kudos to warrant misgivings.

i dont think your being u in not stopping her this has been going on for years.

the most important facts are
your dd is happy to call your dp daddy
your dp is happy to be called daddy

all this rubbish about him not being her dad is bullshit, as already said he does and has done for years everything a daddy does for their dc.
being a sperm doner and an infrequent visitor does not automatically give you the right to be called daddy.

It is completely not the same thing if exs new dp would be called mum as she isnt a mum and by that i mean the person who looks after dc day to day.

the idea that they are not the biological parent so don't deserve the title is bonkers does that mean all adoptive parents should be referred to by their names i don't think so.

He wants to swan in and get the title and the glory, but doesn't want a bar of the 'hard' yards.

I'm not sure why his feelings take precedence over the DD's in this particular situation.

That's rubbish mrsR the same could be said for adoptive parents. At the end of the day it's up to op dd what she calls the man who helps look after her on a daily basis, a if everyone is comfortable with it, it's nobodies business.

That situation is different Mrs, your ds I presume lives with you, you look after him and tke care of him every day, so yes if ds were to call some other woman miu quite rightly you would be upset. Mabey ex should step up and be a after to him dd, instead f wanting the title without he responsibility

Be a father to his dd. Sorry about my typing

Op mabey you can refer to your dd biological dad when talking about her birth father, bu your dp can be called daddy if tats what she wishes and he is comfortable with that

I was expecting to say YABU but you aren't. Out if five siblings, for her to be the only one to say daddy or to call him by name, could really affect how she feels as part of the family. I'd let her choose and let her keep calling him daddy because that's what he is in all but the biological side.

Collins English dictionary defines father as being a male who acts in a paternal capacity. Like mabey op dp does, the child does not have to be related to him, so thats wrong MrsR. If op dp does stuff tat a father should to op dd tan her dd has every right to call him dad.

If she still has her dad in her life then yabu.

It all sounds like you're trying to justify it tbh.
I assume you would have no problem in her calling her dad's new partner mum?

It doesn't matter how deserving your dp is of the title or how cross her dad is about it. She has to live with the reality so she should get to choose. Having children is not about having your rights. It's solely about doing what's best for them.

And how could you prevent her from being called a name that others in the house are using? It must be a constant reminder that she's different. If you force her not to use it you'll be telling her that your DP doesn't love her so much.

We had foster children who called my parents mum and dad; we knew it was a functional title with no bearing on how they felt about their folks.

Totally wrong pretty, look up the definition of father!

He should be honoured.

So should you.

Let her decide. If she's happy what else is important?

That is totally different, As op looks after and cares for her dd everyday, no matter what.

Thems the breaks of fuckin off surely? New partner acts like a parent they get the honour.

Earn it or lose it surely?

It's te girls right to decide not op or ours, and she's made her decision. I totally agree Fabre, must be very hard on the girl

Spot on smaltzing, you said what iwasvtrying to say