To say don't let your young child go to the toilet alone

[1Veryhungrycaterpillar]

Today in a fast food restaurant I saw a lady with a child of around 3/4 who wanted to go to the toilets that were situated upstairs she said she didn't want to go (she had no other kids) with her and let him go alone, am I BU to say I wanted to shake some sense into her?? I suppose I'm more aware of it as I've seen cases of assault on young children in public toilets through my line of work but I would've thought most people wouldn't do it, I am ready to be corrected!

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-glasgow-west-22813508

Here's the one that happened near me.

I let my four year old go alone as long as I can see the toilet door from where I am sitting and I will go in after a few minutes if she isn't it.

Usually she goes with her 6 year old sister, but she has been on her own in my local pub right where I can see the door.

I've seen the cases that I mentioned and not once did I say they were toddlers. I should have added that to my OP though, am I BU to think she was a lazy cow

Oh and the reason why I like to see the door is so I know she can manage to open it.

I do not overly worry about abductions etc. They are so very very rare and that isn't what I am really thinking about when they go to the toilet alone. It's more whether or not they can open the door if it is heavy.

Life is one big risk and I feel letting them go alone to the toilet where I can see is a perfectly acceptable one to take.

You did say "young children" and taken with your OP it was reasonable to assume you meant at least pre schoolers....

So do I Samu2, again it was mainly the fact he was so young and went upstairs and out of sight alone

I wouldn't be comfortable with allowing mine to do that, but I wouldn't judge someone who would though.

I'm with you op, i would be rather shocked that a mother with no other dc cba to even walk up a flight of stairs to ensure her child gets the toilet safetly

I wouldn't allow my children of that age to the toilet on their own.

I consider a 4 year old to be a young child (I'm probably old enough to think of a seven year old as a young child) but concede that my OP was worded badly as the other children were older around 9 and 11 I think.

Samu2, I'm not going to lie I really did and do judge her

Maybe she couldn't walk up the stairs pumpkin!

Well, we all have our things we judge

I judge parents who are so paranoid they do not allow their kids to do anything.

I know someone who won't even allow her 8 year old to walk quickly ahead on a quiet pavement in case she falls and cuts herself or someone takes her.

I judge that kind of overprotectiveness and wonder what on earth the poor kid is going to do when they finally are allowed some freedom.

Just to be clear, I am not for one minute saying not allowing your 4 year to go to the toilet alone is overprotective because of course it isn't but it can be so hard to find the middle ground can't it?

So, OP, my question to you again - when do you think it's appropriate to let children go to the toilet alone re paedophile risk?

Would you let a 9 year old go unaccompanied?

I would. The risk of attack is lower than their need for independence.

That is really young, I used to think it was paranoia until I came across two cases in my line of work too. Shocking.

That is very true Samu2, I answered that upthread Cinnabar, yes I would but I'd probably wait outside TBH

I am wary of this - when we lived in Oz a 10yr old girl was raped & murdered in a disabled toilet off a busy food court (parents could see door to it, rather than ladies which were further away)... so essentially they were 20m away, but she either couldn't scream or they couldn't hear over the hubub.

My 10yr old comes into the ladies - after all it's only cubicles and tosh to anyone with an issue.

I think 3/4 is too young to go alone in a public toilet. More for hygiene / practical reasons than fear of assault though. I think from age 5/6 it's OK to send DC alone into the toilets - I would go in and check on them if they were longer than expected however.

I think most 6 year olds could be taught to shout and run away if an adult approached them in the toilets. Younger children are not sensible enough to reliably do this I'd say.

I have not read all the posts so apologies if I am duplicating.

My DS is constantly mistaken for a 3 or 4 year old despite being 4 or 5 years older than this and we often receive scathing comments such as the OPs.

He is at least as capable as his peers, if not more so. You should not assume a child is a certain age and make judgements. It is very upsetting for DS to hear me justifying things by explaining his condition to strangers.

We do also get compliments too such as how amazing you can read Harry Potter due to the assumption that he is a pre schooler.

curlew here's the case I referred to

Ah, I see Wanda already linked to it...

Did someone say they take their 10 year old boy into the ladies loo? Bloody hell........

I'm sure I've done it, actually. But am a lazy parent, quite unashamedly so.

However, the idea of basing my parenting decisions on Something That Happened In A Novel strikes me as really quite, er, unreasonable. Not least because I read a lot of gory thrillers.

I would not let my 6 year old go alone (even though he would rather go to the gents) and when pushed on the one occassion I lurked around outside and got some very odd looks. I would rather get odd looks then be worried about him...

"I'm sure I've done it, actually. But am a lazy parent, quite unashamedly so."

I don't think you are, actually. Not based on this, at least. Just not a hysterical one.

www.bexleytimes.co.uk/news/court-crime/children_raped_in_the_toilets_of_welling_mcdonald_s_by_known_paedophile_1_758809