To say don't let your young child go to the toilet alone

[1Veryhungrycaterpillar]

Today in a fast food restaurant I saw a lady with a child of around 3/4 who wanted to go to the toilets that were situated upstairs she said she didn't want to go (she had no other kids) with her and let him go alone, am I BU to say I wanted to shake some sense into her?? I suppose I'm more aware of it as I've seen cases of assault on young children in public toilets through my line of work but I would've thought most people wouldn't do it, I am ready to be corrected!

[CalamityJ]

9 year old girl near me got raped in a supermarket toilet. 3/4 years old? Upstairs? Nope absolutely not.

[cory]

Jenny70 Mon 24-Jun-13 17:12:00
"I am wary of this - when we lived in Oz a 10yr old girl was raped & murdered in a disabled toilet off a busy food court (parents could see door to it, rather than ladies which were further away)... so essentially they were 20m away, but she either couldn't scream or they couldn't hear over the hubub.

My 10yr old comes into the ladies - after all it's only cubicles and tosh to anyone with an issue."

So given that teenagers are occasionally raped and murdered whilst out and about are you never going to let him out of the house unaccompanied as a teen either?

He is 10: should he not be practising the ordinary skills of looking out for himself that he will need when he goes to secondary?

[1Veryhungrycaterpillar]

I don't think it's hysterical to think a 3 year old should be accompanied to the public loo, if he was small for his age and I don't think he was then surely he'd be in school

[PenelopePortrait]

I'll bet not many Social Workers allow their children to use public toilets, especially in supermarkets and fast food outlets.

I would never let my DC's or anyone else's go into public loos on their own, I Ould also warn teenagers to go in together.

Unless you work in an area which covers Child Protection you have probably no understanding of the stuff that goes on.

[cory]

I don't think it's hysterical either when it comes to a 3yo. But a 10yo is a different matter.

[Oblomov]

3 or 4, I understand. And of course agree.
Not allowing a 10 year old, I think is hysteria and classic helicopter parenting, which I loathe.

[iwantanafternoonnap]

God no and I am a slack (crap!) parent. That is awful the poor little kid too mind you they must go to MD's a lot for him to be able to find the toilet on his own upstairs and not be worried about it.

[curlew]

Peppermint - yes, that one has been reported several times.

It is hysterical to suggest that the reason for not letting a 3 year old to to a public loo on his own is the risk of attack. I wouldn't have let mine unless I could be absolutely sure they were clean and the child concerned could reach the taps and the door handles and the loo roll. Which I couldn't. So they wouldn't have gone alone.

[5madthings]

O think three is too young for hygeine reasons, not because of paedophile hysteria...

By four some kids are at school so depending on location if i coukd stand right by the door and it was a toilet/area we knew well and child new the layout etc then i may stand just outside. Certainly from 5/6 i stand outside and call out 'remember to wash hands and flush' and by ten they shoukd be going to toilet for own gender. Infact by 8 they shoukd be, same rule as for pool changing. Obviously exceotions for children with special needs.


My ten yr okd woukd be mortified if i made him go into the ladies!

[curlew]

"Unless you work in an area which covers Child Protection you have probably no understanding of the stuff that goes on."

Oh, I think you probably have when it comes to paedophile incidents in public loos.........I think the press would be quite quick to print a story like that, don't you? There are plenty of reports of the case that did actually happen.

[5madthings]

My partner works in child protection and he lets our chikdren use public toikets. Most abuse of chikdren is by someone they know and he is very aware not to let his job affect normal parenting and risk assesment when it comes to our chikdren as in the long run it would be detrimental to their well being to do so.

[cory]

PenelopePortrait Mon 24-Jun-13 18:41:04
"I'll bet not many Social Workers allow their children to use public toilets, especially in supermarkets and fast food outlets."

The social workers I have met have always been keen to stress the importance of older children developing their independence and coping skills. I have never found them particularly over-protective as a class.

[KeepCoolCalmAndCollected]

It is neglect.

[1Veryhungrycaterpillar]

Curlew unfortunately things like this happen all the time, it's not always front page news sadly, some cases fail as well and don't get reported, I worked for a prosecuting body and that is why I have seen these cases irrespective of whether you have or not, I just don't buy those as the only reasons not to let a 3 year old go into a different part of a public building with out you

[tallulah]

My 6 yo is starting to ask to go to the toilet on her own if we are out. We've just come home from a restaurant where she skipped off to the toilets by herself a couple of times.

I've always been concerned that the doors will be too heavy for her, she'll lock herself in, or she won't flush or wash her hands, not that she'll be attacked.

I would draw the line at a public toilet not in a restaurant though, and certainly at 3/4 I was always with her.

[curlew]

"Curlew unfortunately things like this happen all the time, it's not always front page news sadly, some cases fail as well and don't get reported, I worked for a prosecuting body and that is why I have seen these cases irrespective of whether you have or not"
Make your mind up. Is it "all the time" or around 4.- only one of which involvied a pre schoolers?

[Oblomov]

What's neglect?

[ParadiseChick]

Child protection practitioner here. My son uses the toilet alone, has since he was 5.

Don't spout things like 'happens all the time'when it clearly doesn't.

[Dahlen]

I probably wouldn't let a 3/4 year old go because at this age they still tend to need a little help/reminding to wash their hands, etc - not to mention the fact that as a decent citizen I always liked to make sure that my DC weren't responsible for that 'eww' factor you often get in public toilets when you see an unflushed toilet with urine or faeces all over the seat/floor.

I am probably more aware than many about child protection cases and sex offenders. I am staggered at how many children are growing up at risk from some form of abuse or another, not to mention just casual neglect or non-abusive-but-still-bloody-awful parenting that in essence handicaps a child. Truth is, however, that your child is more at risk every time you let them go to the toilet with your brother/auntie/cub leader than they ever are in a public toilet.

No risks are completely avoidable. As parents we all perform risk assessments on everything on a daily basis. Sometimes we get it wrong. At age 6 or so, however, you could just as easily be guilty of being overprotective as negligent.

[1Veryhungrycaterpillar]

I mean sexual abuse, you take young children to mean pre schoolers only, I don't. 4 in my general area is a lot IMO in any event

[5madthings]

Children are not molested by strangers in public toilets all the time. If they are abused it is far far more likely to be by family members or someone close to the family.

[Sarah1611]

Definitely too young! Anything could happen!

[motherinferior]

Actually I didn't let my three year olds, I think, mainly for reasons of incompetence (theirs) and hygiene (ditto). But I wouldn't dream of it stopping older kids. And am roaring at the idea of solemnly warning teenagers to go in pairs.

[1Veryhungrycaterpillar]

No they are not thank god but unmanned 3 year olds in at a lot of risk, not just perverts

[LittleSporksBigSpork]

YABU to call the women lazy cows and I'm not sure exactly what that would accomplish.

As someone who was abused as a child, being able to say that what happened was absolutely wrong and not my fault was one of the most cathartic and healing things and to brush that off seems very poor practice and poor knowledge of recovery from such things (and all of my abuse was done by family members, who are far riskier to leave your children with statistically than strangers in loos).

But then, you'd likely think me lazy sending my 6 and 8yo home educated children by themselves to public loos during term time, even out of sight (I do tend to take the almost 4 year old as the hair driers scare her so she tends to go in cause her sister wants to go and run straight back out again at the sight of them, but since most people regularly think she's barely 2 she'll likely cause judgey pants in a couple years time).

Or we might just view the risk differently.