I feel super unkind writing this and may need a MN slap for it but I am getting a bit tired of my dear friend's expectations of me as a bridesmaid.
Firstly can I say I am so very pleased and happy that she is getting married and I do genuinely feel lucky to have been asked and very very happy to be part of it all :) I think i might have facilitated the problem too by being so happy and enthusiatic ...and now i feel very guilty that my enthusiasm is waning as im finding it all a bit hard work..we have been preparing for over 2 years and even when the wedding was 2 years away we went away for my husbands birthday n she brought massive files of wedding stuff for us to work on..and expected regular trips of all of us to wedding fairs, girly wedding prep evenings with the bridesmaids..i didnt see it as an issue at the time but my husband has said lately 'thats where it all started'..
I have been grated by comments/expectations such as 'you have to commit to a dress size' someone innocently said that the potential brides dress complemented the bridesmaids dresses n she launched into a big rant 'they are there to complement me' (true but no need to spell it out) and just general narcissim really...its so disheartening because i love her so much but this stuff is spoiling our relationship.
The thing i find most hard is i am also bridesmaid for two other close family members while she has been planning (long engagement) and she has been quite disparraging about their weddings even to the point of making quite an unkind status about the weather on one wedding day..and making a big deal about her wedding (a hairstyle practise night, dress shopping and a preparation evening) all in the week leading up to my family members wedding...bear in mind her wedding is over a year away.
wedding dress shopping...we have monthly appointments to attend with 1 or 2 shops each time to 'last it out',,she expects a large group of extended family n friends to attend each of these, we have even had to ring wedding shops to see if we can skype people in...the time in the shop is magic n she looks so beautiful i do really love it, but afterwards we are all expected to only discuss the wedding and to spend a long time going through many photos of her in each dress,
(from 2/3 different cameras). I once made the mistake of asking another bridesmaid how her son was doing in his exams (on the way home from the shop) and the bride interjected with 'he will look so handsome in his suit for MY WEDDING'
Their wedding is well over a year away and i am expected to give at least two days a month to things like prerparation evenings which are lovely but focussed on making things for the wedding, compiling the several wedding files (kind of like a library of 100 mood boards), pinning to the 6 wedding themed shared boards she has made on pinterest etc.
the latest is that we are all expected to attend a '1 year before the wedding' celebration meal at an expensive place...she has said she understands if its too much money but I just feel so pressured...I want to be there but not to bash other peoples weddings or to be measured on my topics of conversation..
I can't address is with her can i? or it'll make her feel sad and like im not interested which isnt true at alll..i just find the intensity of it all a bit tough...god im a horrible person aren't I? Help!