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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think DD should be invited to this wedding?

127 replies

Sarah2506 · 21/06/2013 22:34

I've been invited to a wedding when DD will be six months old. I still intend on breast feeding at that stage.

Wedding is strictly no children and would require an overnight stay.

AIBU in thinking no children probably shouldn't extend to breast feeding mothers? We had a no children wedding but made that exception though it wasn't needed in the end.

Am I totally out of date or is this cool now?

She is a good friend. Wedding is in Wales, I'm in London. I can express, yes, but I still wonder if that's an ok expectation!

OP posts:

Goal · 21/06/2013 22:35

So don't go. I am sure they will manage to have their wedding without you.

McNewPants2013 · 21/06/2013 22:36

Yabu, if you can't go because of breastfeeding then decline the invite.

Blondie1984 · 21/06/2013 22:37

Problem is if they make the exception for one then they have to make exceptions for others so could cause all sorts of problems

TidyDancer · 21/06/2013 22:38

She had the right to invite who she likes, but you have the right to decline the invitation because of that.

Neither of you are in the wrong.

OwlinaTree · 21/06/2013 22:38

Just ask. YANBU to ask.

Original poster

Sarah2506 · 21/06/2013 22:38

Would be a shame not to go. So this is ok now? I know there are no rules as such, just always thought bf was an ok reason to bring your baby. Fair enough if its not!

OP posts:

Turniptwirl · 21/06/2013 22:39

What don't you understand about no children? Why are you special? Friend A is a single parent with no child care so surely her kids can come. Friend B is married to friend C so surely their kids can come. Friend C has such lovely sweet children surely they can come... So your no kids wedding ends up with loads

YABU

lessonsintightropes · 21/06/2013 22:41

YAB(a bit)U. We got married a couple of months ago, was strictly no kids, but everyone had a years' notice. Most of our friends (and cousins) with DCs were fine about it. One friend had a five month old; we said fine for baby in church but not at the evening do (because of access issues mainly). Quite a few friends brought kids to the church and made alternative arrangements for the evening. The friends with the v young child wanted to come and so arranged to bring a parent of theirs to stay in the hotel as they wanted to come to the evening do. We were thrilled they had been able to make arrangements but tbh it felt unfair to make exceptions as so many others had very young DCs (it would have been over 45 kids if we had invited all of them and impossible in our venue). If they'd been unable to come we would have been sorry about it but made arrangements to see them afterwards.

FrogsGoWhat · 21/06/2013 22:41

Well I'm still breastfeeding my 2 year old.... etc.

If there is a "no children" rule, then that's it I'm afraid. I don't now go to lots of things if I can't accommodate DD - part of being a parent.

Original poster

Sarah2506 · 21/06/2013 22:41

turniptwirl that sounds a lot like our wedding responses! I don't want to be a special case or exception. Was just wondering about the etiquette and if that's the done thing now.

OP posts:

OwlinaTree · 21/06/2013 22:42

It's their wedding. Ask, and if they say no explain that you won't be able to come and wish them well. These are the choices we make when starting a family.

Goal · 21/06/2013 22:43

You clearly do want to be an exception!

OwlinaTree · 21/06/2013 22:44

Some friends who go to both might be a bit put out if you had no children at your wedding...

Goal · 21/06/2013 22:45

It's hardly as if you will have a newborn, just deal with it.

BrianTheMole · 21/06/2013 22:51

Well, you need to ask her. If she can't make an exception then you can't go. Unless you want to make other arrangements for your baby. I couldn't be bothered personally, too much hassle. If people have child free weddings then they have to expect that some people will not be coming.

jollyhappy · 21/06/2013 22:51

Wow I can not believe the responses.

I get the no children rule for cost purposes.

But denying a 6 month old... I really really don't get.

Don't some people get married and then plan to start a family and have babies??

I must be out of touch.

Goal that is a tough stance - have you ever bf??

OP I could never express so that would count me out.

Viviennemary · 21/06/2013 22:52

I think it will be difficult if exceptions are made as others may feel they should be allowed to take their children. Still you could always ask but I would probably decide not to go if I received a no children invitation and wanted to take a baby.

babyhmummy01 · 21/06/2013 22:53

My baby will be 6-8 weeks old for my best mates wedding. Originally it was no kids and I wad fine with it, it is local to where I live however so arranged for my parents to have the baby and I could nip back after the service and during reception if I need to. Due to a close family member having a baby they have changed their minds and I can now take baby. Actually she told me tonight she will be pissed off if I don't take her lol.

I think you need to apologise and say due to bf you can't go or as someone upthread has said ppl did at their wedding, take a family member with you to look after baby

Theyoniwayisnorthwards · 21/06/2013 22:53

Mmmm. Before I had kids I'd have have said no babies at my wedding (we were engaged, got pregnant while planning wedding then put it off until after babies). Now we're planning it for next year and as I know what breastfeeding involves I won't exclude babies. I would leave my 7 month old for a good friends wedding, but I'd hate doing it.

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee · 21/06/2013 22:54

Have you asked about taking DD?

AuntieStella · 21/06/2013 22:54

Well, we had children of all ages at ours, so it seems a but weird to me to have a 'no children' wedding at all.

But if that's what this couple wants, it's what they want. And if you cannot be parted from your DD, then you're best off declining.

snickersnacker · 21/06/2013 22:56

The etiquette? The etiquette is that you have been invited to an event as a guest. The terms of that event are set by the hosts. They've taken the decision not to have children there. If you feel that this makes it impossible to attend then you decline politely, with regret, and send a gift anyway. And save a packet on outfit, travel and hotel

FWIW, I hadn't encountered the attitude that 'child-free' doesn't include babies until I read it on MN in this thread and others. As far as most brides are concerned, 'child-free' means babies, toddlers and children under 12-ish IME.

Goal · 21/06/2013 22:58

Like I said, I am sure they will manage without the OP.

jollyhappy · 21/06/2013 22:58

Are you sure snickersnacker - I always thought babes in arms was ettiquette.

Housemum · 21/06/2013 22:58

Is it just you or do you have a Dp/dh? If you do but it's you that's the greater friend, and it is strictly no kids, could DP stay in the hotel and you pop back to feed, perhaps with an expressed one in the middle? And if you are there all day/evening perhaps ask if it would be ok if DP joined you with baby after the formal ceremony/reception just for the evening?

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