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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DD should be invited to this wedding?

127 replies

Sarah2506 · 21/06/2013 22:34

I've been invited to a wedding when DD will be six months old. I still intend on breast feeding at that stage.

Wedding is strictly no children and would require an overnight stay.

AIBU in thinking no children probably shouldn't extend to breast feeding mothers? We had a no children wedding but made that exception though it wasn't needed in the end.

Am I totally out of date or is this cool now?

She is a good friend. Wedding is in Wales, I'm in London. I can express, yes, but I still wonder if that's an ok expectation!

OP posts:
StUmbrageinSkelt · 22/06/2013 12:31

I had a screaming bf babe who was audible during the vows despite the mother taking him into another room. I'm still fine with that as am not bridezilla. She had a breastfed baby who needed feeding and could not be left, I wanted her at my wedding. He chose to scream his ring out at the worst possible time and she chose to try and stop him and well? 23 years laterwe are still married.

StUmbrageinSkelt · 22/06/2013 12:35

Oh and we banned all other kids except my DSD and my niece who came with my sister from Australia and she had no childcare options (not that was even a consideration).

CuriosityCola · 22/06/2013 12:42

A close friend of ours is getting married in the summer. It's a child free wedding. Dh has a key role in the wedding, but I can't attend as dc is bf. I think our compromise is going to be my sister waiting somewhere close by incase dc needs fed. I will attend the service and then head home. We had considered booking my sister into the hotel, but can't really afford it. I spoke to the b&g in person and asked if it was ok for me to just attend the service.

I have another wedding later in the year. That couple have said no children apart from my newborn and a friends newborn as they know it is too soon to leave them.

It's up to the b&g. It would be unreasonable to expect dc to be invited. It is up to us as parents to decide if we attend or not though and that is the risk the b&g take.

DoJo · 22/06/2013 12:49

Our wedding wasn't child free by invitation, but none of our friends had any at the time (except grown up ones), but now I've had a child I would probably stipulate no children and include breastfed babies despite having done it myself.

ihearsounds · 22/06/2013 13:00

Like it or not, this is a decision the b&g have made. They for whatever reasons do not want children at their wedding. It might be down to costs. It might be that some of their friends/family children are badly behaved, and they have witnessed how bad at a previous wedding/party. They might not like children. They might have been to a child free wedding and seen how nice they can be with a room full of relaxed adults. Maybe they just want all the attention on them instead of on the children.

Don't expect special circumstances of your bf'ing baby to attend, because this can open a can of worms from other guests (I have witnessed this)..

NorbertDentressangle · 22/06/2013 13:15

I've always presumed 'no children' to mean exactly that so would presume that would include even bf babies.

After all don't people want 'no children' partly so that they don't get drowned out by crying, screaming, shouting, chattering babies and children whilst saying their vows? Even one baby (bf or not, 'a good baby' or not) could still manage to piss off the bride and groom!

I once declined an invitation to a strictly child-free wedding as I had bf DS at the time. I don't hold it against the bride and groom and they didn't hold it against me.

dietcokeandwine · 22/06/2013 14:03

I would also assume that 'child free' also means 'baby free', though no harm in asking whether they could consider an exception on the grounds you are breastfeeding. If they say no, though, I wouldn't consider that unreasonable. You don't know how many other friends they might have who also have breastfed babies, for one thing; if they say yes to you that might also mean saying yes to another five...At the end of the day, it's their wedding. If they want it child free, that's their decision. And to be fair it's not as if your DD will be a very young baby at the time of the wedding; it is possible to leave a breastfed baby of that age overnight, regardless of whether or not they're weaned fully to solids, if you're happy to deal with a bit of logistical faffing and of course assuming that she will take a bottle and you are able to plan in advance. You can either start now and gradually build up a stock of expressed milk in your freezer over the next few months so that DD can be fed this whilst you're away, or you can simply have her fed formula, if you're happy with that. And you can then go to the wedding and just express at roughly the times she would normally feed.

If you feel that option's not for you, though, then you would be absolutely reasonable to send a polite regret, and not attend.

I am saying that as a mother of three by the way who has breastfed each of them, is still currently breastfeeding and has done overnight stays away from them as older babies on several occasions by doing as I outlined above. But I have also turned down invitations when DC were very young babies (i.e. weeks rather than months old) on basis that we were getting to grips with breastfeeding and I wouldn't have felt happy to leave them at that point. Only you know what you are comfortable with and at the end of the day you just have to do what feels right to you.

dubstarr73 · 22/06/2013 17:22

I think childfree means childfree.Your baby might be as good as gold but might not be.I think a blanket ban is the way to go.

Also if i went to a childfree wedding thinking i could let my hair down and there was a baby yes even bf it would inhibite my evening.
After all if i left my kids at home,i dont want to hear anyone elses

Original poster
Sarah2506 · 22/06/2013 17:23

Thanks for all your help and advice guys. I emailed to say thanks but that it was tricky as I intended on still breastfeeding at that point. She replied saying 'well of course no children doesn't mean no babies that are still being breastfed'!! I would never have interpreted 'no children' to mean other than breastfed babies?! But there we are, the small one will be coming with me...

OP posts:
cakebar · 22/06/2013 17:53

I'm glad your friend is so nice but....if I had been invited to a wedding that was child free, then that friend wanted to bring a 6 month old to mine I'd think she had a flaming cheek!!!

Most 6 month olds are not babes in arms. Babes in arms are one thing, crawling babies that are awake most of the day and want to be sat in a high chair during the meal are another.

valiumredhead · 22/06/2013 18:11

What part of 'no children' is not clear?Wink

mrsjay · 22/06/2013 18:13

no children means no children do you not read children and wedding threads Hmm I think you should just not go saying thta your baby will be weaning by 6 months you could express and leave bottles

mrsjay · 22/06/2013 18:13

But there we are, the small one will be coming with me...

oh well now you know

pumpkinsweetie · 22/06/2013 18:18

Weddings have got silly imo, just don't go!
I wouldn't have left my 6mo for a whole night to go to some jumped up no frills wedding. Whats a wedding without kids anyway, probably boring & stuffy

valiumredhead · 22/06/2013 18:24

My wedding wasn't boring and stuffy.

Parker231 · 22/06/2013 18:28

We had a 100% child free wedding - no one asked whether they could bring babies as they knew what our answer would be ! When we had wedding invites when DT's were babies/toddlers, we got a baby sitter and a wonderful night out as a couple.

valiumredhead · 22/06/2013 18:31

Even my good friend who had bf twins at the time managed to nip out for the afternoon to my child free wedding!

Tailtwister · 22/06/2013 18:38

I would just explain that you won't be able to attend as you anticipate you'll still be breastfeeding. At 6 months your baby will still be on a mostly milk based diet anyway, so YWNBU to decline the invitation.

Dackyduddles · 22/06/2013 18:39

If I were 'denying' children op I would definitely pick babies and toddlers. They scream, act up, don't behave as intended.

Why do you think the thought of you bringing your 6mth old would be attractive to people who specifically state DONT BRING KIDS? Unsure which part of that is unclear tbh.

Tailtwister · 22/06/2013 18:39

Oops, just seen your reply OP. That's great, no problem then!

GibberTheMonkey · 22/06/2013 18:41

Whenever I hear about child free weddings I get the urge to take my children to the (church) service and poke them repeatedly
Wink

WafflyVersatile · 22/06/2013 18:55

valium, that's fine if the wedding is down the road!

Glad it's been sorted. Smile

valiumredhead · 22/06/2013 19:06

If it's not down the road you should just politely decline.

WafflyVersatile · 22/06/2013 19:10

she's spoken to the bride and from the bride's pov no kids does not mean no babes in arms.

waikikamookau · 22/06/2013 19:12

that's good op,

Wink
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