Oh, Snowy! I had to check I'd not written this unconsciously! I spent 18 years in a demanding and rewarding job that I left when dd3 came along, as I just couldn't juggle it all anymore. However, not much different now (in fact harder being full time mum as kids are more demanding than demanding job!).
YANBU. The only difference is that my DH is away in the military so no help, like you family long way away. I completely understand.
My washer is on constantly, I cook constantly, referee warring ds1 and 2 and walk 3 dogs (yes, including a smelly choc lab), feed ducks and chickens...yadayada.
When my DH is at home, he would like his 'leisure'. I had NONE. I talked to him, seriously about it and things improved. He realises now that things are tricky and that stopping work an dealing with domestics full time have taken their toll. When he's home now, he's a big help, and if I wanted to, I could get a little of myself back. In fact I now work p/t as a Uni tutor and am studying for my MSc too. It makes life very busy, but it's MINE.
On a good day, I look around and feel happy for a lovely (if not perfectly clean and tidy) house, fun animals (I couldn't be alone in the evenings without my dogs) and great family. However, after a hard day, with little thanks for the flogging, I would completely agree with you.
Hope I'm not being patronising, but sleep on it. Things are genuinely better in the mornings, usually. Talk to yr DH. Consider something that's yours, your project etc. ?? 
Hug too.