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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to go crazy at this guy

158 replies

Emz8369 · 11/06/2013 20:12

long story short couldnt find daughter (5) so had friend and sister out helping me look found her after after about ten minutes with old next door neighbours dad (bloke in his 50s I'd say) walking the dog along an old cycle track (where she knows she is not allowed) she used to go on dog walks with him and his daughter regularly but daughter since moved. When I found her she got a severe telling off and I went bat shit crazy at this guy (his reasoning being daughter told him she was allowed WTF) part of the reason I flipped is because of something which happened to older daughter which is on another thread I wrote called my world has fallen apartAngry

OP posts:
HeffalumpTheFlump · 11/06/2013 22:23

I've got splinters in my arse on this one. I do think 6/7 is too young to be wandering around alone, i personally wouldn't be comfortable with that. It is your responsibility to know where your child is at all times. He should have known to check with you rather than accepting the word of a child though.

However, I do feel you have been quite unreasonable to post in AIBU then refuse to accept that the general consensus is that YABU.

Fefifo · 11/06/2013 22:24

Emz, I know she wasn't lost, I used that word because I was relating it to my own daughter, who at that age wouldn't be unsupervised by me (outside of the house) for any reason other than having gotten lost. I think you've gotten the point about that now though, so don't mean that to sound as condescending as I think it does.

usualsuspect · 11/06/2013 22:24

She didn't react well to the situation,but some of the comments on this thread are bloody nasty.

Original poster
Emz8369 · 11/06/2013 22:27

sorry fefifo I misunderstood

OP posts:
Original poster
Emz8369 · 11/06/2013 22:30

heffalump I havent refused to accept anything I have already said I overreacted and will talk to this guy and apologise next time I see him

OP posts:
BrianTheMole · 11/06/2013 22:36

I think you should have known where your child was, but, I would also expect a 50 year old to mention that dd was going for a walk with him / her, especially if he / she had always told you in the past. So irresponsible of you, but also irresponsible of him. I dont know if I would apologise tbh. What exactly did you say?

twilight81 · 11/06/2013 22:38

My dad used to live on an estate where all the kids played out, they were always talking to him and his dog (he is in his 70's) and I think if one of them asked to go with him for a walk he wouldn't think anything of it and would agree.. Some kids are allowed to just roam anywhere and he would just have thought he was being nice in a grandad sort of way.. Nothing else.
No blame lies with this man, only you for not supervising her I'm afraid.

usualsuspect · 11/06/2013 22:39

I also think.he should have told her to ask her mum first.

HeffalumpTheFlump · 11/06/2013 22:48

Fair enough, i just get the feeling from your posts that you still feel your outburst at this man was justified, when in reality the majority of the responsibility lies with you.

"yes I agree I overreacted but if this guy was at all bothered about whether she was allowed to go or not he would have asked me"

If the only reason your dd is allowed to be out alone is to walk to her friends house would it not be wise to watch her do this from outside your house? It would only take up a couple of minutes of your time, and you could be sure she was going where she said she was. Just an idea.

Original poster
Emz8369 · 11/06/2013 22:49

Brian I will apologise to him because I did overreact, I shouted at him which I probably shouldn't have done I told him that daughter was not allowed on the cycle track and that I had people out looking for her

OP posts:
Justfornowitwilldo · 11/06/2013 22:50

This is MN, where 12 year olds are barely allowed to play out Wink

Original poster
Emz8369 · 11/06/2013 22:50

I did see her go to her friends house heffalump

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 11/06/2013 22:51

I think op has got the message, you can put your pitchforks away now.

Justfornowitwilldo · 11/06/2013 22:51

Should she ask her DD to phone when she is about to leave her friend's house so she can watch her walk back too?

candyandyoga · 11/06/2013 22:53

Yabvvvvvu for letting your daughter go out by herself. Start acting responsibly. You shouldn't let a child that young play out without you being there. Unbelievably lax attitude.

Floggingmolly · 11/06/2013 22:55

Considering she has from for buggering off wherever the fancy takes her, Justfornow, probably...

Floggingmolly · 11/06/2013 22:56

form obviously...

usualsuspect · 11/06/2013 22:59

Oh give over with the outrage,it's not unusual for children that age to play out.

ivykaty44 · 11/06/2013 23:00

so your dd isn't allowed on the cycle track

your dd used to go on the cycle track for walks

your dd used to go for walks with this neighbour on a regular occurrence

your dd went for a walk with a man that she regularly goes for a walk with at a place she regularly goes for a walk at

you seems to be making it very difficult for everyone else to know what your rules are and that include the neighbour and your dd

why can she go on the cycle track sometimes and not at others?

why can she go for a walk with this man before but not now?

OP you send out a lot of very very very mixed messages to your dd over what the rules are no wonder she goes off with a man that she knows for a walk that she has done before....

monicalewinski · 11/06/2013 23:01

Lots of mollycoddled mn children that don't get to play out, 6 nearly 7 is a perfectly reasonable age to be out unsupervised in a child friendly area IMO; however, I would probably go and apologise to the man now that you've calmed down as he did nothing wrong tbh (although perfectly understandable reaction from you when in full on panic and fear at the time).
My youngest uses the walky talky things when he's out so he's in instant contact, they're brilliant - lets him have the freedom without my panic.

Original poster
Emz8369 · 11/06/2013 23:04

ivykaty she is not allowed on the cycle track on her own and had she asked if she was allowed to go to take the dog for a walk I would have let her

OP posts:
HeffalumpTheFlump · 11/06/2013 23:06

Monica - walkie talkie is a brilliant idea.

I personally wouldn't have a 6/7 year old play out alone where I live, but that's because it's really not a nice area and I'm on a main road. It may be completely acceptable where the op lives, but I can only go on what I would do personally.

ivykaty44 · 11/06/2013 23:17

Emz -children don't come back to ask - they see the man they know and the dog they like and want to go now - her brain is 6 years old and things need to be instant and it looks like fun to take dog for walk like she used to before -mum said before many time i can go so thats ok

you are trying to put reason into a 6 year old brain and it doesn't work like that.

she is confused by all the different rules and at 6 she really isn't going to understand it all or remember them - she wasn't on the cycle track on her own was she? She wasn't breaking your rule she was with the man -so thats ok

Original poster
Emz8369 · 11/06/2013 23:25

she has came home and asked before tho I guess she just did it in the spur of the moment but she will be told if she wants to go again she MUST ask

OP posts:
BrianTheMole · 11/06/2013 23:29

Anyway, regardless of your dd playing out alone, why did he not ask if it was ok if he always had before? Seriously, no one in their right mind lets a 7 yr old leave their street where they were playing, to go off somewhere else with them for a walk without checking with the parent first. You just don't do that.