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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to go crazy at this guy

158 replies

Emz8369 · 11/06/2013 20:12

long story short couldnt find daughter (5) so had friend and sister out helping me look found her after after about ten minutes with old next door neighbours dad (bloke in his 50s I'd say) walking the dog along an old cycle track (where she knows she is not allowed) she used to go on dog walks with him and his daughter regularly but daughter since moved. When I found her she got a severe telling off and I went bat shit crazy at this guy (his reasoning being daughter told him she was allowed WTF) part of the reason I flipped is because of something which happened to older daughter which is on another thread I wrote called my world has fallen apartAngry

OP posts:
Heartbrokenmum73 · 11/06/2013 21:32

OP - 'AIBU?'

Large majority of MN - 'Yes, you are'

OP - 'no, I'm not'.

Why?

Salmotrutta · 11/06/2013 21:33

I should clarify that I wasn't wondering why the childs age was irrelevant.

Just the dog man's and Justfornow's!

Floggingmolly · 11/06/2013 21:33

If this guy was at all bothered about whether she was allowed to go
To be fair, op, she was out on her own, totally unsupervised; he could reasonably have assumed you weren't bothered either.

Salmotrutta · 11/06/2013 21:34

relevant, not "irrelevant"

kungfupannda · 11/06/2013 21:34

Do you actually know for certain whether your daughter:

a) Went next door and asked the man if she could go with him to walk the dog, and then went off with them for the full walk; or

b) Went out and met the man who was already out walking, and told him she was allowed?

If it is a) then the man was a bit thoughtless not to check, but if it has been a regular thing in the past it might not have crossed his mind that she was making it up. If it is b) then the poor bloke can't really be blamed for any aspect of this, particularly if he was already on his way back.

I wouldn't necessarily take your daughter's version of events as gospel, given the circumstances.

Floggingmolly · 11/06/2013 21:34

X posted

auntmargaret · 11/06/2013 21:34

I think people are being very hard on you, OP. In some areas, child friendly estates for example, its common to let a 6 year old play out, and you can't watch them every minute, especially if you have other DC. I think man should have known better. Hope you feel better now.

stiffstink · 11/06/2013 21:38

Like someone else said, she's lied once so how do you know the story about "going for a walk" was true? Was it definitely in the opposite direction? Would walking the dog towards home count as "going for a walk" to your six year old?

captainmummy · 11/06/2013 21:38

Fanny -all dc should be told not to accept lifts from anyone unless cleared with parents before. Parents might 'know' someone well, be seen out with- and have them in their house - but not trust them with their dc.

I remember walking home one day (about 11 yo)and being offered a lift from someone who said he 'knew' mum and dad, had been to our house the previous week.... I didn;'t get in.

As it happens- I got told off for being unfriendly to someone dad knew, but I knew i shouldn't get in.

Flicktheswitch · 11/06/2013 21:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StateofConfusion · 11/06/2013 21:42

i have a 5yo i would never let him out of my sight half his class lives on our street he does not leave our house without me or dp sorry but yabu please go say sorry to your neighbour.

aldiwhore · 11/06/2013 21:44

Sorry keep and eye on her in future, "I can't" isn't an option... put in places measures where you can turn your back for a minute and know she's not off on an adventure. It is NOT this man's fault, it is not his dd.

Get a screwdriver out, fit latches out of reach. No fence? Build one.

We live on a main road. If my children went wandering and got squashed, it's not the road's fault, it's mine for not taking away the means for them to wander.

YABU. Poor man.

Original poster
Emz8369 · 11/06/2013 21:46

daughter was at friends house at the end of the street which is where this guy parks his car when he takes the dog for a walk as his daughter no longer lives next door to me so I think (not 100%) that daughter has seen him park his car and then asked whether she could go too ( which she shouldnt have done ) I know I have overreacted and will talk to this guy and apologise for my overreaction and will also talk to daughter and tell her (again) where she is and is not allowed to go but until I feel that I can trust her she will not be allowed out

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 11/06/2013 21:48

You can't watch them every minute, especially if you have other dc Hmm. What complete bollocks. No 6 year old should be allowed out to wander at will.

pigletmania · 11/06/2013 21:49

Really op your Child is your responsibility and you cannot trust Chidren totally. YANBU for being worried that she was found walking with this man, April jones killer was known to her family, she went to school and was friends with her killers daughter so it could happen. Next time be more aware and keep your dd in your sights as sh cannot be trusted as yet

Original poster
Emz8369 · 11/06/2013 21:49

thanks auntmargaret

OP posts:
raisah · 11/06/2013 21:49

I don't understand why you let your dd play out unsupervised particularly after the problems you had with your elder dd.

Go and apologise to your neighbour. You are lucky that the locals who joined the hunt didn't turn nasty and turn it into a bash the paedo witch hunt. It could have turned out that way if there were enough people or if your dd didnt turn up.

Fefifo · 11/06/2013 21:50

I don't think the OPs reaction was understandable at all. If my child, for whatever reason had gotten lost I'd have no other reaction than eternal gratitude towards someone who had been effectively keeping an eye on her until I'd found her.

Also saying that you can't keep an eye on your DD all the time because her friend lives down the road is frankly ridiculous. My 5 year old DDs has plenty of friends living on and around our road, it wouldn't occur to me that she be allowed to wander around anywhere outside of our front door because of this. You clearly err on the side of thinking that anyone could pose a threat by your 'bat shit crazy' crazy response to this man, who had probably had a nice, peaceful walk with his dog interrupted by the inane witterings that most 6 year olds continuously sprout by the way, so why on earth do you let her leave the house alone?

Original poster
Emz8369 · 11/06/2013 21:55

in light of the situation with my older daughter daughter I am trying to keep life as normal as possible for my children which includes being allowed to friends house along the end of the street (only 21 houses and you can see from one end of street to the other) that is usually as far as she gets but now her adventures will come to an end until I can trust her again

OP posts:
Khaleasy · 11/06/2013 21:56

YABVU

JambalayaCodfishPie · 11/06/2013 22:03

Good on you OP for seeing things a bit clearer now you have calmed down.

pictish · 11/06/2013 22:05

You ought to apologise to your neighbour though.

Original poster
Emz8369 · 11/06/2013 22:07

yeah I know pictish I dont know when/if I will see him again as his daughter no longer lives next door to me

OP posts:
Original poster
Emz8369 · 11/06/2013 22:08

fefifo she wasn't lost. she saw him taking the dog for a walk and asked if she could go

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 11/06/2013 22:22

I don't think the OP deserves the flaming for letting her nearly 7 year old DD play out.

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