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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to worry my daughter's becoming feral?

170 replies

fabergeegg · 09/06/2013 21:00

We have a golden retriever dog. She's perfectly trained (not a stealth boast as golden retrievers are very easy to work with).

I have a DD of 22 months and they're inseparable. Visitors think it's cute. But we don't get out much and I'm worried she's demonstrating dog behaviour without realising it's abnormal. She's not pretending to be a dog.

At the few mother and toddler groups we've attended, DD looks bewildered. If she's feeling brave, she tries two techniques, neither of which work with other kids very well. There's dominance - she'll slowly approach other children with an intense, unblinking stare, like a gang leader in a film. She doesn't smile or speak. Then there's teasing - I know she shouldn't. She offers something and whips it away, expecting the other child to make a lunge. (This is not what my dog is trained to do and she has never harmed DD. They know I don't allow it so they go off together and do it somewhere else). When DD's eating her biscuit, or feeling pally, she drops to her hunkers - this is usually where the dog's head would be. I can see her confusion when all she sees is other children's knees. Eventually she gives up and withdraws.

When she's trying to initiate play, she drops on her back and starts rolling around. She expects them to do the same. When we go out for a walk, she pants manically and runs around in circles. When she's eating, she'll often give the dog half, as a matter of course, even if it's chocolate. If she's forgotten to do this, she'll take a bit out of her mouth and hands it over then. Or she'll simply open her mouth and allow some food to fall onto the floor. She likes games when she has to retrieve things. Obviously I try to correct her on all this but it's not as if she's trying to play up.

Otherwise she's a normal kid. AIBU to be slightly worried?

OP posts:
FarleyD · 09/06/2013 23:10

He took a lot of consoling SirBoob ...Smile

HibiscusIsland · 09/06/2013 23:13

How sweet! Gorgeous photo.

Nobodydidthat · 09/06/2013 23:38

Lovely photo!

I would suggest more toddler groups, maybe preschool in a few months if you don't like any nurseries nearby. Maybe more play dates if you don't like toddler groups.

Also start spending more time out of the house without the dog. Go swimming, outings, toddler activities.

When you do take the dog out places try and engage dd in non-dog activities at the same time, like if you go for a walk dd can focus on other things like feeding the ducks or collect treasures to put in a treasure basket. Or do you have a smart trike or wagon she can ride in so its something more special for her.

I think you do need some rules like they never are alone unsupervised and the dog needs to be away from eating/
Mealtimes.

Maybe you could look into finding books about dogs or stories about children with pets and talk about how dogs and children are different. Maybe you could write a book about them about what they like to do together but emphasising how they are different, use photos etc.

Maybe a break away from each other would help as well, so go on a holiday somewhere and leave the dog behind.

IAmNotAMindReader · 09/06/2013 23:58

I wouldn't worry too much about your DD as she goes to nursery and school she will grow out of it, just keep introducing her to kids her own age. Your dog however may be bereft that her playmate has now abandoned her. I would try to not let them go off alone and also get the dog more focused on you as the source of all things fantastic so she doesn't feel so at a loose end when your DD does go off to nursery/school.

I can completely believe the cereal thing. Goldies are very good at expressing what they want to people and are persistant. They are also the first to leg it with a wasn't me look when discovered.

fuckingscabies · 10/06/2013 00:16

girliefriend - I just mentioned this thread to DH and he said the exact same thing!

He recommends you get rid of the dog OP!

fabergeegg · 10/06/2013 00:22

Iamnotamindreader That's so true about goldies legging it when caught.

nobodydidthat and all those who have made helpful suggestions - thanks again. I'll try everything and I'm sure we'll get there.

OP posts:
StripeyYogurt · 10/06/2013 00:26

cute pic

IAmNotAMindReader · 10/06/2013 00:29

Sorry to put it so strongly, actually on second thoughts I'm not. It is beyond ridiculous to suggest the OP gets rid of the dog because the DD is behaving in a similar way in some respects. At the minute this is fun so this is why she's doing it. Also perhaps being not so confident around other children falls back to what is safe and fun for her. As her language develops things will become much easier. She isn't going to go into school and bark in the playground. The child has plenty of adult interaction and will get more and more opportunities to socialise with those her own age.

At 22 months how many of your children could successfully introduce themselves to another of a similar age and find a mutually enjoyable activity to do? These boards are full of posts regarding inarticulate toddlers introuducing themselves by smacking each other over the head with things, hair pulling or biting. Are these as a result of too much interaction with family pets?

hopkinette · 10/06/2013 00:31

This isn't real, right? "The dog urges my child to do naughty things" is the kind of shit I'd have believed when I was psychotic.

WhenIwerealad · 10/06/2013 00:36

Frankly, I'm not surprised.

Puppies and small children are much the same - and we treat them accordingly.

When

cjdamoo · 10/06/2013 00:52

22 month olds are just starting to understand the whole playing together thing. I had 10 in my house a few weeks ago that have met up regularly since birth. They are all at varying stages. One little girl has great language skills another is yet to utter a word the rest fall inbetween. Some Have dogs as pets some dont. There was Much offering and snatching growling and snarling and even some biting going on even a bit of marking their territory from the toilet training ones. Oh and we have never had a dog and my own small terror (should that be terrier) a few months back went through a stage of crawling and barking.

fuckingscabies · 10/06/2013 00:59

The experiment was by Kellog and called the ape and the child.

Short video

A brief synopsis of the experiment www.madsciencemuseum.com/msm/pl/ape_and_child

Wuldric · 10/06/2013 01:17

You could try rewarding your DD with dogbiscuits when she emulates normal toddler behaviour?

Gorgeous picture btw

cumfy · 10/06/2013 02:41

Lassie, come home!

Now.

garlicgrump · 10/06/2013 03:04

They look beautiful together, faberge :)

I wouldn't worry about it. Worry about DD wandering off for a walk, with or without dog, but I guess most parents have lost a child at some point (excluding Mumsnetters, obv ;) )

My sister's kids spent all of their toddler years with their dad, as his work was amenable to it. Consequently they hung around with blokes all day, every day, and ended up with mega-advanced conversational skills on surprisingly adult topics with swearing. They were absolutely dreadful at making friends with other children their age, at playgrounds and so on, due to their age-inappropriate demeanour. They were just children, though, and got the hang of things pretty quick when they started school.

Next time you go to playgroup, try and find the other children with dogs!

garlicgrump · 10/06/2013 03:11

Grin cumfy. YY, Lassie was an excellent role model! There was a similar dolphin series, too, wasn't there? See, OP, things could be worse - DD could be throwing biscuits for the other children to catch with their mouths! (Come to think of it, dogs do that, too ... )

Chocolate is poisonous for dogs, btw.

garlicgrump · 10/06/2013 03:12

Flipper!

And there was Skippy, Skippy, Skippy the bush kangaroo. Imagine taking a kangaroo child to playgroup!

garlicgrump · 10/06/2013 03:18

my own small terror (should that be terrier) a few months back went through a stage of crawling and barking

Grin Grin Grin

I really must get off this thread ... and scratch my flea, carefully lick my arse, then turn round on the spot a few times before curling up with my legs around my head for an extremely long sleep Wink

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved · 10/06/2013 04:02

Use this handy four step process

  1. Get video camera
  2. Take lots and LOTS of footage
  3. Take child to more play group
  4. Relax and enjoy films :)

She ll grow out of it soon and then you'll miss it!

SugarMouse1 · 10/06/2013 08:23

Well, she could grow up to be a dog whisperer

A female Caesar Milan!

PetWoman · 10/06/2013 09:49

OP, I think it's lovely that your DD and dog get on so well. I'm sure she'll pick up human social interaction in good time.

I have a springer spaniel x Labrador and DS (14 months) and tbh I'd be delighted if they got on that well! Sadly the dog only wants to play with me...

However, DS goes to a childminder and mixes with other children (aged 2, 3 and older) there, which I think is good for his social skills. If you don't like your local nurseries, what about a childminder who is also caring for other children?

HerrenaHarridan · 10/06/2013 09:54

I used to live in a house share in which there were 10 adults 5 dogs and one crawling baby, I am convinced she thought she was a dog for a while. She is now 3 and normal for a 3 yo

I believe you op!

HerrenaHarridan · 10/06/2013 09:55

I used to live in a house share in which there were 10 adults 5 dogs and one crawling baby, I am convinced she thought she was a dog for a while. She is now 3 and normal for a 3 yo

I believe you op!

Fakebook · 10/06/2013 10:04

Picture: Get rid of my retriever? You cannot be serious.

Give up your Dd to a better home then, because you're obviously not doing a very good job raising her. Hmm.

Feminine · 10/06/2013 10:08

Wow, some nasty posts here anyway...

I wouldn't worry op eventually, ( as your DD spends time with more children , I'm sure she will become more 'human' Grin )