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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask my dad not to take innocent photos of strangers' children?

163 replies

whosiwhatsit · 09/06/2013 18:41

My father is a talented amateur photographer as one of his hobbies. He has a nice camera and takes lovely photos of scenery, nature, ...and children. He isn't from the UK and when he comes to visit me here we often go out for walks and that sort of thing, and he brings his camera and takes these pictures. I feel really uncomfortable when we're walking through a park or something and he snaps photos of children eating ice cream, running about,etc.

Because my father isn't from this country he doesn't understand that taking photos of children you don't know is unacceptable here (I think?). The problem, though, is that my dad can't stand for me to correct him about anything so when I have tried to ask him not to do this he tells me I'm being ridiculous and carries right on.

So AIBU and should I just let him take these photos as he's harmless? Or do I try to get him to stop? If I should get him to stop, p,ease tell me what I should say?

I am considering forwarding a link to this thread to my dad so if there's anything you want to say to him directly about how you would feel if a strange man took a photo of your child in a park please do so and I would really appreciate it. I don't have children myself which is I think one of e reasons he won't listen to me about this.

OP posts:
Fairylea · 09/06/2013 18:42

Is he asking permission before he takes the photos?

Original poster
whosiwhatsit · 09/06/2013 18:43

No, just taking them without speaking to the parents.

OP posts:
pumpkinsweetie · 09/06/2013 18:45

You must tell him that it's unacceptable to do this & he must consult the parents first in future.

Signet2012 · 09/06/2013 18:45

It's a sad state of affairs when a man can't take innocent pictures of children.

But.

He should probably ask for permission - I'm not sure how well this would go down.

The other issue is somebody becoming aggressive towards him accusing him of being up to no good.

If someone took photos of my dd I think I would be a bit bemused and a tad uncomfortable. I'm not sure logically why I would feel that way but I think I would.

Fairylea · 09/06/2013 18:46

Then that is absolutely unacceptable. And if he is caught he could be in a lot of trouble. I'd be livid if it was my dd or ds.

You have to tell him.

Either that or he must ask permission and offer to send parents a free print or something like that and offer a business card. Just a random idea.

But no. Not on at all.

Original poster
whosiwhatsit · 09/06/2013 18:47

I have told him! He says I'm being silly and doesn't listen.

OP posts:
myBOYSareBONKERS · 09/06/2013 18:48

Mr whosiwhatsit snr - it is not acceptable to take photos of other peoples children in the UK - NO MATTER HOW INNOCENT IT IS.

You WILL eventually get into trouble - be it with the child's parents or with the police. Naivety is not an excuse - especially when you have already been told that it is not the "done thing" here.

Signet2012 · 09/06/2013 18:48

Thinking about it. The problem is I wouldn't know what use he had for photos of my dd. I know where my friend is from its completely normal and noone would bat an eye and likely be flattered.

I definitely wouldn't like it. I'm not sure I would give my permission either. I think legally though if you are in a public place then the law says you can take photos of who you want. Happy to be corrected on that.

Morally though, no he shouldn't be doing it.

VenusUprising · 09/06/2013 18:48

Well you could let someone tell him directly to get lost, and then he might take some notice!

lljkk · 09/06/2013 18:48

I think it's an indictment on our age, what your dad is doing is fine, he shouldn't be expected to ask permission.

The only tactic that might work is to tell him that some parents might get violent, threaten him or try to take his camera. It's not worth the aggro.

alienbanana · 09/06/2013 18:49

There's another thread at the moment about a man on the beach asking to take photos of a child, and the first lot of responses were that it was suspicious and the OP should call the police.

You must tell him its not acceptable here. Kids accidentally ending up in photos is one thing, but if he's deliberately taking pictures of children without permission he needs to stop.

Original poster
whosiwhatsit · 09/06/2013 18:53

Alien it was that other thread that got me thinking that asking about it on here could help me find a solution. I hate the idea of my dad getting beaten up / camera taken and I also hate the idea of his actions making parents feel uncomfortable and scared.

OP posts:
allinatizz · 09/06/2013 18:56

Someone I used to work with used to do exactly what the OP's dad does, then print the not even interesting photos as cards and try to sell them in the reception of our office. Totally random - not just children but all sorts of people doing boring stuff. Who would really want to buy photos like that of people they don't know?

Not ok, OP, show your dad this thread maybe?

BoundandRebound · 09/06/2013 19:00

There are no uk laws against taking photos of children in public. Although he may come under suspicion of paedophiliac wrong doing by both authorities and passers by

I am with your father nd find it ridiculous

Jan49 · 09/06/2013 19:01

It's unacceptable and he risks being verbally or physically attacked by an irate parent or being arrested by the police who will want to know why he is taking photos of strangers' children. It could be very unpleasant.

I was at a beauty spot recently waiting for something which everyone wanted to photograph. A man that I was talking to suddenly turned and took a photo of a passing young woman on a bike. I asked him why he did that and he said it was to practice his skills for taking photos quickly as he might spot a celebrity and there wouldn't be time to set up a photo, so you have to be quick. I believed him but still didn't think he should be taking photos of individual strangers without their permission.

MrsBazinga · 09/06/2013 19:02

I have the same issue with my father (aged late 70s but UK born and bred). I genuinely think its a generational thing - he really doesn't understand why it's not appropriate to photograph his grandchildren, and also get some lovely shots of other children who happen to be in the vicinity. He's been taking photos of landscapes, buildings, strangers, children, street photography, travelogues etc for nearly 60 years, its his hobby and passion, and he just doesn't 'get' the whole (fairly recent) concern around photographing children without consent. I have, on numerous occasions, tried to explain that child pornography/indecent images/child abduction/obsession is so much more in the public eye these days, and that parents really don't want their children photographed by strangers. He doesn't get it. He just says "but it will be a lovely photo". I always stop him when he's in my company, and remind him at every opportunity. I just hope that he remembers when he's out and about by himself. So I do understand your dilemma OP. Just keep repeating yourself.

milbracat · 09/06/2013 19:17

Sorry to rain on the parade but the OP's dad has every right to photograph what he likes in a public place:

photorights.org/faq/is-it-legal-to-take-photos-of-people-without-asking

He may get some unwelcome attention and it may not be polite, but it is not a legal point.

If he were to "sell" the images then a model release would be required.

Also, what is the feeling about tubecrush?

tubecrush.net/

where the men are not only not asked their permission, but their image is uploaded to the internet for comment.

OddBoots · 09/06/2013 19:20

I hope I am not derailing this too much but what's the general view of other children happening to be in the background photos people take of their own children/grandchildren in public places?

redexpat · 09/06/2013 19:22

What does the Lonely Planet for the UK say? They usually encourage the reader to ask before taking photos of anyone.

Legal yes, socially acceptable no.

FryOneFatManic · 09/06/2013 19:32

It is legal to take photos of anyone in a public place, such as a park, without permission although some people aren't happy about this. The only trouble could be if a parent objects.

Original poster
whosiwhatsit · 09/06/2013 19:39

I do know it's legal as I've googled this. I just want to know if its socially acceptable and if my dad might run into trouble with members of the public for doing it and if he might upset parents. The majority answers seem to be no, yes and yes.

I definitely agree it's a sad state of affairs.

OP posts:
Justfornowitwilldo · 09/06/2013 19:47

People wouldn't have thought twice about it in the 70s. There was less awareness then. It doesn't mean the people who took photos of random children in parks were any less dodgy.

FobblyWoof · 09/06/2013 20:37

Sorry, it's not acceptable at all.

I realise that both myself and my child are going to end up in the background of other peoples photos just simply because we've left the house. But the idea of someone, be it a man or woman, deliberately taking a picture of me I would find bad enough, but my DD? I would lose it if I caught someone doing this, no matter what their motive.

Even taking the risk of paedophilia out of the equation for a moment, it just would not sit well with me if a photo existed or either myself or DD being the main subject without me having prior permission (obviously my own family don't count in that).

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 09/06/2013 20:40

Your father is legally and morally right.

Sadly, however, it is socially unacceptable.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 09/06/2013 20:42

People wouldn't have thought twice about it in the 70s. There was less awareness then. It doesn't mean the people who took photos of random children in parks were any less dodgy

No. There was less media fuelled paranoia then. It was unlikely to be dodgy then, and is unlikely to be dodgy now.